Happy Children
Happy is he who still loves something he loved in the nursery: He is not broken in two by time; he is not two men, but one, and he has saved not only his soul, but his life.” G.K. Chesterton
Category: homeschooling
Babies First
I sort of have two sets of kiddos…I like to call them my Bigs and Littles. Between daughter number two and daughter number three there is 4 1/2 years. Sophia is 4 years younger than her closest older sister and 4 years older than her little sister. She is sort of too young and too old all at the same time. She is Sophie in the middle. More on that later. Most of the time I put Sophia in the Littles category…she is 8 years old. But, I suspect that this year things will change. 3rd grade is a transitional year. That leaves Elinor 4, and Samuel 1. My babies. Technically Elinor is a blossoming toddler, approaching 5, but she is still little in the sense that she needs and loves lots of attention from mommy.
And that brings me to the dilemma,or problem of this post…
Mommy’s attention, a commodity supplied to meet the needs and wants of the family. A mom of many must have expert skills in commodity logistics. She must learn how to distribute her attention well which encompasses a skill set that includes: time management, prioritizing, and conviction.
As I had more children I began to feel the pull and tug on my attention, and it irritated me… you know, those prickly moments when one thing has to be abandoned to meet the need or want of a baby. I guess this is a growing stage for mothers, learning how to let go of self-direction and will and softening to the self giving style that characterizes all good mothers. Something inside of my mommy heart began to feel guilty when I dismissed a cry or arms up waiting to be scooped up. I quickly submitted to the reality of motherhood…babies are demanding and they deserve my full attention. I say no plenty, but it is not my style. My style with babies is…yes!
When I step back and look at the very nature of child development it seems that babies deserve the most attention simply because they demand the most attention. This is the natural way. This can only be accomplished in large families if I also follow the natural development of my older children. I must let go of control and allow for independence. Letting go of my older children is difficult for me…I know now it has everything to do with letting them grow up…I don’t want them to grow up so fast…it goes by so fast.
Dealing with my emotions as a mother is essential if I am to be a healthy mamma to ALL my kiddos. So for me putting babies first is possible only if I accept the natural development and growth of a family. In a way motherhood is a long goodbye. I am ultimately raising children to be adults. Letting my older kids be more independent, and trusting what I have already put into them is essential for the health of the family.
There are other instances where babies interrupt the practical goings on of a household. Like how they always want you when you have plans to tackle the laundry pile on your bed, or the mountain of dishes in the sink, or the weedy flowerbeds. Babies make me look very deeply at what I value and what it means to be human. We are all dependent on each other, no human can survive alone. Babies are so vulnerable, and they personify in a very dramatic way how vulnerable we all are. Babies teach me the delicate balance between the unseen and seen world. Yes, the physical needs of a child must be met, but not at the expense of the heart. Finding this balance is what motherhood is all about. We are caretakers of the highest order.
The decisions I make in the way I homeschool must include the babies…and not just putting them on the block schedule and fitting them in. No, babies come first…because they demand it. Because they need my full attention. Because my heart tells me that the kind of human being this baby will become is deeply connected to how I respond in all the little moments of interruption.
Getting the Bones Right
Bones. Without them we would be a useless heap on the ground. We would get nowhere fast. Our bones are the structure and foundation of a body in motion.
And using that metaphor I would say the same thing about the homeschool lifestyle. Without bones our days begin to feel like a useless heap of nothing. We suffer from a lack of healthy structure and because of this we just spin our wheels. After a while guilt sets in, then irritability, then panic, then burnout. The only way I have found to avoid burnout and to live a healthy and happy life is to always make sure we are…getting the bones right. This job is never completed, it is the joyous repetition of a life built one moment at a time…one day at a time. What is done today has to be repeated tomorrow, and through the habit of good living we find true fulfillment and happiness. And the homeschool lifestyle makes this process so easy…it is the main reason I have continued to homeschool all these years. I love the lifestyle it affords.
When I find myself in any of the various burnout stages I listed above, it may take me awhile, but eventually I begin again. I recommit to bone health, and before I know it things are running smoothly. (As smooth as things can in a household of seven.) As I begin the very fulfilling process of building healthy bones I have a few principles I try to follow. They are simple, but they are the most important for me as I work because I could very easily succumb to idol fashioning and perfectionism. And those two things give the appearance of health and happiness, but in reality they produce the exact opposites…anxiety, stress, covetousness, envy, and strife. It is a real temptation when things on the homeschool front feel completely out of control and chaotic, to go at our lives in a frenzied panic and try the fix everything. This is not what I am speaking of when I say I begin again, and the principles I follow ensure that I keep my true desires, which are health and happiness, as my goal. They are:
- Do not try to be someone I am not.
- Accept the family personality and natural environment of our home.
- Lower my expectations…less is more.
These three principles were hard fought…it has taken me years to know and accept. I still struggle, but at least now I know what my true enemies are, and they do not include schedules, curriculum, or the lack thereof. As I look at each of these principles I am filled with a wisdom that only personal struggle could produce, and I know I still have so much to learn and work out in my own heart. However, the principles are full of potential and they bring a sense of freedom into my life that can only be characterized as JOY!
When I accept that I do not have to be scared, when I open my arms to the gladsome lights and let the sun set in my heart, I do not fear the dark..the unknown. Because the sun rises in the east, and our days are redeemed because of the resurrection…every morning is a new PASCHA! We live Pascha everyday in our hearts…every day is full of life generating potential.
So how can I refocus and let the principles guide me? Before I begin any real work it is essential for me to center my heart on the principles…then the work is fun and easy!
Do not try to be someone I am not. The first word that warrants considering in that sentence is try. I can try to be someone else, thinking I am the real problem in the home…my tendencies, my weaknesses, my personality, my expectations, my interests, they ALL have to change. I can try to change the core of who I am, but I will fail. And this trying will be like beating my head against a brick wall until it is bloody.
Know thyself, accept thyself, better thyself.
A few things I know and accept about myself.
-I work good under deadlines.
-I need time outside of the home on a weekly basis to interact with people.
-I am not a rule person.
-I do not enjoy schedules, but prefer routines.
-I am slow and contemplative in the morning.
-I like to get up before everyone else is awake.
Accept the personality of my family and the natural environment of the home.
The same guiding principle can be applied to the family. It is fruitless to try and make my family be something we are not, or to fashion the home environment in a way that does not speak to the core of our family style. When I try it is a bit like herding cats. However, when I settle in and find the natural rhythm and energy of our family lifestyle everyone in the home flourishes.
A few things I know about my family.
-We like good, wholesome, tasty food.
-We like to relax in the evenings with uninterrupted free time.
-We are social, but value time alone as well.
-We are not black and white rule people.
-We like to watch movies together.
-We love to be spontaneous and explore.
-Our core belief system is found in finding the middle way. We believe that virtue is in the center of two extremes.
-We like to work together.
-We live at a slower pace…but we are steadfast and consistent.
-Nobody in this house likes schedules…but thrive on routine.
-We get burned out and irritable if there are no groceries in the house, if the calendar gets too full, or there is too much drama in the house.
Lower my expectations…less is more. I am not advocating mediocrity. However, I have come to realize that the plan in my head is a plan on steroids. In reality the plan for our family, including our homeschool day, needs to be brought down about three or four notches before I try to implement any requirements or routines. The guiding principle is…less is more. And this cliche is popular because IT WORKS! I would rather do small simple things with full attention and heart, than fail at big things because they were just too big! When I consider the first two principles, my personality…my family’s personality, I know that there are some things that are just TOO BIG for us.
For example:
-A 5 AM wake time…or even 6, maybe 7…8 AM is more doable.
-Scheduled school that lasts past 2 PM.
-Educational activities in the evenings. We like to relax and do leisure activities.
-A schedule that has time blocked off in thirty minute intervals or even hourly.
-Scheduled activities in the evenings more than one or two nights a week. Two is pushing it.
-Family read aloud.
-Seclusion.
You get the idea. Before I begin any real work, ordering books, making plans, arranging schedules, making commitments I have to remind myself of my three guiding principles. And I have to hold myself accountable to what I know and accept about real life in this family. What is interesting about this exercise is that it almost eliminates fear and control. Instead of living our lives in blocks of time, measuring success by the accomplishments of the hour, our life takes on a more fluid and peaceful feeling of being REAL. And that feels good.
Is Technology My Friend?
I have decided to shut down this blog. I wanted to do it without saying anything, but I thought that maybe a few of you would like to hear for me before I press delete…those who read regularly.
Two of my posts will be available at the new Illumination Learning website. Orthodox Homeschooling I & II. I am honored so many of you read these posts and enjoyed them. It is my pleasure to share them with Jennifer.
The post that received the most traffic was But really, how do I do this? I reread this fun post this morning and realized that I need to add one to the list…I do not blog…at least not right now. I told a fellow blogging friend in an email that when my kids were older maybe I could have an inspirational blog like hers. Her blog is one of the main reasons I decided to blog myself. It is a wonderful space.
I have been here before. Remember this post? See you later, alligator.
Well, I should have went with my gut on that one. I should have let it go. But, I didn’t. And this is no judgement on anyone else. Other mommy bloggers are able to manage their time better, to be moderate, and to be a wonderful resource for all of us. But for whatever reason I just cannot manage it. And it really has to do with me not being able to be moderate. Technology is such a temptation for me. I am really limiting all of my internet usage.
My favorite post was A Safe Haven. I still believe that technology can be used for good…to glorify God…and to make friends. I have met many wonderful women because of this blog. It has been fun!
And although I will miss sharing in this space, I feel so GOOD about this decision. I am excited about this next school year and exploring with my kids. I am excited about settling my brain down.
Thank you for spending time here…for commenting and sharing. I just loved seeing a new comment in my inbox! Hope all you home school mothers have a wonderful, relaxing summer. I know I am going to try!
Mandy
Homeschooling: Just keep practicing.
This is the time of year that I reflect on our home school journey… I evaluate, I ponder, and I make decisions. I think it is better to do this now… at the end of the school year… rather than wait until fall when I will be hopelessly idealistic….right now I am a realist. The end of a school year makes realists of most homeschool families. This year we welcomed a new little fella into our lives, and man did I have a time trying to manage all of the schoolwork, housework, and activities with the joys and concerns of an infant. However, we did manage…we made it, and it was a great year! We are very blessed.
Homeschooling is a never-ending learning experience on so many levels. It really is a lifestyle. That is why home school articles are so peculiar. Among articles detailing curriculum, schedules, and methods an inquirer will also find plenty of advice on relationships, homemaking, and spirituality. And that really is the best home school advice..the kind that gets down to the reality of home life. I have often wanted to express to new homeschooling mothers the importance of getting the bones right, then worry about the books! I am still working on the bones…it is my daily work.
One hard lesson I have learned this year is that juggling all the balls takes practice. I keep dropping the balls… fumbling around with awkward hands. That means I have to stop, pick them up again, and keep practicing.
Do you ever feel like you drop the ball?
It is just part of the experience. It takes humility to keep practicing…I pray for humility.
A friend once told me that four children were manageable by her own strength, but the fifth took God’s strength. This mom has since graduated from nursing school…while homeschooling and raising five kiddos. I am learning this lesson as I stubbornly try to manage by my own strength.
How does a mom learn to lean on God’s strength? Isn’t that just an overused cliche…some pat answer we spout when no meaningful solution presents itself?
Maybe.
However, many times this year I have been at my rope’s end. And in those moments, among the chaotic emotional noise, there is also peace…it’s like a deep well that I must descend. Go deeper..dig deeper..into the peace of God. In those moments I have a choice. I can accept my imperfection, stand before God with an honest heart, and pray, “Lord, help me.” Leaning on God’s strength does not mean that He rescues me from this life..this life I chose. No, it means that He helps me. He just helps me. And this co-op…this cooperation… is what homeschooling is ALL about.
In the spirit of humility we take on the task of Raising Them Right…it is hard work. It takes strength beyond ourselves. As I make plans for next year I feel more than ever before that I will need help. Join me here as I take you through my process…maybe we can inspire one another, pray for one another, and encourage one another to keep practicing. Check back for a few inspiring topics!
Would the Perfect Mother Please Stand Up?
When to Call in Reinforcements
Is Technology My Friend?
Babies First
Homeschooling Tweens & Teens
Where is Sophie? How not to forget the middle children.
The Domestic Church
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a friend
Friendship is a very meaningful part of my life. My introverted side loves the intimate friendship of one or two ladies, sharing our hearts, our lives. The extroverted Mandy loves the group dynamic. I love to laugh, hang out, and enjoy a robust loud conversation. I am pretty balanced, enjoying both kinds of interaction. However, here lately, I have found it difficult to connect in either way. I suppose it is because we are all so busy that we do not have time to spend on friendship, our families and personal lives are hard to handle as it is.
Friendships take nurturing, and nurturing takes time…time most of us do not have. Or do we? I think maybe we choose the wrong things, things that do not fulfill us. Like how we choose to sit in our living rooms watching TV instead of inviting a friend or two for dinner. Or how I skip the phone call in favor of one more load of laundry. Some of the things that take my time are necessary, there is nothing I can do about work schedules and church commitments and school obligations. But, my discretionary time says a lot about who I am. I say, “I do not have discretionary time.” Today I am saying, “Hogwash. I don’t believe that.”
Anthony the Great, the Father of Monks said, “Our life and our death is with our neighbor. If we gain our brother, we have gained God, but if we scandalize our brother, we have sinned against Christ.”
What does that mean for a housewife and mother of five? Well I have always believed that love begins in the home. I am not a mother who runs about being idle while neglecting my family. However, sometimes I think a home school mother can become a bit of an isolationist…bordering on an elitist. We have this atmosphere in our homes that we do not want interrupted or tampered with. I will be the first one to admit that opening up our home, our life, is a challenge. It’s difficult to be accessible. To be open, hospitable, unafraid, warm, and welcoming is a challenge for those who believe that our homes are a refuge from the evil world.
But where does that leave my neighbor? Is my neighbor evil?
The challenge of dark days is not to despair that ALL people are bad…to not participate in the culture of mistrust and suspicion. To be wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove. To keep loving, to keep being a part. And I am a part of this world, whether I like it or not. And this generation, and this country, and this town, and this neighborhood, and this family. I am not separate.
My home is not a sterile laboratory, free of contamination. It is a scary thing if I am the best person I know. Or my husband the best husband. Or my kids the best kids. That is true loneliness. And a true hindrance to friendship. I have to be willing to get dirty, to engage the drama, to be patient with failure, to learn that true tolerance is not about excusing sin, but bearing burdens and being willing to walk with someone, to take a long journey. Breaking the fallow ground of my heart, uprooting the weeds of intolerance is a desire I have right now.
Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of who I am chief.
If I repent to the degree in which I truly believe that, if I authentically live that, I think I would have the relationships I need and desire. True friendship is always a sharing of equals…I am the same…I am the chief.
It feels very good to the heart to love other people. I have felt God’s love for other people, and it is bliss. I wish I would remember that when I am angry, or hurt, or snubbed, or misunderstood, or ignored. I wish I would remember that when I see someone laying by the side of the road naked and sick, their sin exposed, ugly, and repulsive. I wish I was more like Mother Teresa,
Every person is Christ for me,
and since there is only one Jesus,
that person is the one person in
the whole world at the moment.
One person in the whole world. Do others feel that way when I am with them? A man that hath friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
Loving my neighbor can be a sterile act disguised by mannerly exchanges. There is nothing much worse than being treated kindly, but held at arms length. I have been done this way. I have done this myself. I have been extremely friendly to you with no intention of being your friend. And my heart breaks at admitting that. I want my manners and friendliness to be genuine and truthful, no guile. I want to be trusted and relied on. I want to be a friend.
Like my Mama used to tell me, “If you want friends, go be a good friend.”
Just something I am pondering, thinking about as I begin a new year…a new opportunity to be a good friend and neighbor.
Saint Katherine of Alexandria
Today as I was reading with my 7 year old (8 in a few days) and doing some copywork I began to panic. Is she behind? It has only been this year that she has showed any interest in reading or writing. Sometimes I think I have been too lax with her. And then I watch her, and I listen to her, and I redirect my fear, and I trust.
She has a wisdom beyond her years, and she has a very tender heart toward God. She is quiet and peaceful, and she has an aura about her that makes me want to be around her. Although she is quiet she can have a great conversation, and she asks tons of questions about the world.
And those things count.
Today as we celebrate the Feast of Saint Katherine I am reminded that true education always enlightens the soul. Saint Katherine loved learning, especially science and philosophy. Yet she had a mind that was renewed by Christ, and it was this enlightening that made her orations so powerful. She was wise, and the people who listened to her heard something this world cannot offer. They were drawn to her knowledge, yes, but it was a knowledge full of truth, teeming with life.
The one dimensional aspects of education are easy to teach, but wisdom comes from God. I want to raise brilliant children, children who are enlightened with divine brilliance. I pray that we can stifle the nonsensical chatter of this world as we live in it. Lord help me to remember this as I educate my children.
Happy Feast Day, Mom! We love you, and Many Years.
You led a spiritual life, and thus
you captivated the godless tribunal,
and you stood victorious, O Catherine,
with dignity, decked in divine
brilliance as if with flowers. And
having put on the power of God, you
ridiculed the tyrantʹs decree, and you
stifled the nonsensical chatter of the
orators, O holy Martyr who suffered
much.
Service of Matins November 25
Autumn Fires
Autumn Fires
by Robert Louis Stevenson
In the other gardens
And all up the vale,
From the autumn bonfires
See the smoke trail!
Pleasant summer over
And all the summer flowers,
The red fire blazes,
The grey smoke towers.
Sing a song of seasons!
Something bright in all!
Flowers in the summer,
Fires in the fall!
*We have been working on memorizing this poem, using it for copy work and dictation.
Archangel Michael Week!
I thought it might be nice to share our week with you in advance.
- Above is a little song we are learning…My Father’s Angels.
- We are also going to make flower arrangements on Thursday in small Mason jars with the Asters, or Michaelmas Daises growing in my garden and place them in the icon corner.
- I am shopping today for fresh Blackberries for cobbler for Friday night. Legend has it that on the day that Archangel Michael defeated Lucifer in heaven and kicked him out, Satan fell into a Bramble bush and cursed it.
- We are telling the story of the War in Heaven.
- We are reading Saint George and the Dragon all week.
- We are also working on memorizing Psalm 23 and reading Sometimes I Get Scared.
- Having lots of conversations about fear and courage. What is good fear? What is bad fear? When do we need to be courageous? What happens when we are not courageous?
- Praying the Akathist Hymn to St. Michael the Archangel on Friday.
- Watching How to Train Your Dragon for a movie night on Friday.
- Just for Mom.
How to Get Your Life Together In a Day
Sometimes I make things so complicated, and truly that is unnecessary. I realize there are circumstances that require extreme measures, but my life is not one of them. Why do I get so stressed and anxious…wound up like an eight day clock? I suspect it is because I am tired, just plain tired. Being tired is not a sign that my life is falling apart. Maybe it is a sign that my life is good, that I have a full and wonderful life…so much to be thankful for.
However, when things start piling up, pressing in, and coming undone I know it is time to do something different, settle in and refocus…just tweak things a bit. There is no need for me to take a magic eraser to my whole life or to go through everything with a fine toothed comb. Just a gentle redirection is all that is needed. Gentle, but thorough. You see, the bones are good, the underneath is still in tact, the anchor is what holds this ship in times of crazy schedules and busy days. In times past I would begin a complete overhaul when I felt this way, but I have learned that extreme makeovers are most often the acting out of obsessions. You know…that running dialogue in your head that makes you feel thin and shaky, nervous and irritable. We moms have to learn to be gentle, even with ourselves.
A very dear friend asked me the other day if I believed that sometimes there are cases where a person who was once whole could now be broken, with no hope of being whole again. I listened to the question and took my friend seriously. I told this friend that, yes, I think it is possible, and that she did not have to be whole. As I have thought about our conversation I have come to the conclusion that we are all broken in some way, and that it is most likely that we always will be. Being whole is not about being completely put together…there is a reason that all the King’s horses and all the King’s men could not put Humpty together again. Life comes down on us, it presses us, it breaks us, and we fall apart. Once we have been broken there is no way to be whole again…not the kind of whole that we desire. Being whole often times means we do not want to suffer this life and its trials, we long for naivety and simplicity. But, those who get out in the world and bare burdens, get hands dirty, work hard, walk with damaged people, befriend the unfriendly, and try to be a part of the world will always be broken..it is inevitable. The only way I ever imagine that I can avoid this is by shutting the world and people out. In the end, I would rather be broken.
And this can apply to practical areas of my life as well. If I desire to be out in the world living and learning with my kids, if I value relationship over everything else, if I put people on the top of my priority list, well then other things suffer…my house, my laundry, my body, my put togetherness. I always feel that my life is a little undone, a little unkept. But, in a way this is intentional. I have chosen other things, to me they are more important things. When criticisms come, and they will, I must be prepared to OWN my own life and choices. I must be rooted and grounded in my heart. I must also be willing to be honest, truthful with myself most of all. This is the way that I face my life head on and how I deal with brokenness.
Today, as I was dealing with all of the emotions and stress that obsessions cause I waited for the panic to pass. I got still and a wonderful thought came to me. It does not take much to Get Your Life Together, Mandy. In fact I am confident that it only takes one day of gentle internal work to feel better. This is because I am not expecting too much from myself or anyone around me…we are all broken. It is easy to be gentle when I recognize this. Here are a few things I am doing today to regain a sense of confidence and beauty…how I am getting it together.
I Am…
- Recognizing the dialogue in my head. I am not trying to change it, just being aware of the Editor in Chief, the voice that keeps bossing me around, criticizing me.
- Writing this post to share my thoughts, getting them out in the open.
- Talking to my mom on the phone and enjoying our friendship.
- Putting on a fresh face and a nice outfit.
- Planning a trip to the pumpkin patch near our house.
- Lighting candles.
- Letting my kids be tired as well, we have been very busy. No drill sergeant barking or correction.
- Taking a survey of my pantry and planning the meals I want to cook this week.
- Doing a few loads of laundry.
- Taking care of a speeding ticket that I got a few months back. I made it through my probation period, and a big stress is off.
- Opening windows and doors to let the cool fresh breeze in.
- Drinking Ceylon Tea..a new favorite and a wonderful gift from my husband.
- Being quiet and just doing the next thing…gently walking through this house…room by room… accepting and being very thankful.
- Praying the prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner.” Over, and over again.
- Accepting the financial stresses of a large family lifestyle and owning my spending choices.
- Letting my kids be who they are…not requiring that they be caught up, on target, or ahead.
- Washing dishes in warm soapy water.
- Listening to sounds…a lawn mower, Mockingbirds, eggs boiling on the stove. Just listen.
- Smelling the things cooking, the fresh autumn air, Samuel’s little head, Elinor’s sweaty puppy dog yumminess, out of the dryer laundry.
- Waiting for my husband to come home so I can give him a hug.
This is what my day is shaping up to be…a wonderful day, a blessed day, another day to be a mom, wife, daughter, friend.
A Chime of Hearts 