Category: faith

Christianity · faith · family

Love Suffers Long

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Love will destroy anything that is not like itself. This is the fear we have of God. God is Love. Love is death. End game.

Ego, or self, seems to have a similar energy. The power and will to destroy anything and everything but itself.

Love suffers long, especially with self.

It is my hope that when I remain open to Love, even in the slightest, I endure. I walk the Way. Because the struggle is the Way.

I ask myself, “Who would I be without my political story, my victim story, my marriage story, my religious story?”

I try to drop the thoughts, the mind so identified. In this vacuum I realize I am a far cry from a saint. I am not open to Love’s death blow. I love my stories, even if they cause me or others pain. I am not yet willing to die, to bear my cross.

But I will remain with Christ, not because I am good, but because I am aware of Love’s reality.

He abides with me. He loves me, and Love will conquer all.

Love is ultimate reality.

Can I be at peace without demanding something from you?

Think like me.
Act like me.
Love me.
Believe like me.
Be me.

The mass hysteria we are experiencing in the world today is a hive mind deluded.
Perhaps we are confused about death. I need to be clear about death. I cannot demand anything from you. It is impossible for you to sort this mess out for me. When this happens, I stop requiring from you what only I can give myself.

Peace is a gift I give myself. When I am clear. When I am open. I alone can give myself peace when I believe that ALL THINGS work together for good. In this reality, enemies are gifts of peace.
It is impossible to forgive enemies when I am not clear about death.
Love suffers long. It keeps doing what it does. It conquers all. Over and over and over again- until I die.

books · Christianity · faith · philosophy · reality

Shadow

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I am honored to share a guest post written my brother, Jarrett. It is meaningful for me in this time, and I hope it will speak to you. May we find refuge in the Shadow of His wings. Mandy

Between the idea

And the reality

Between the motion 

And the act

Falls the Shadow

T.S. Eliot 

The world is a different place from the last time I put a late night thought down.  That’s how the world goes though isn’t it?  Shadows, so many are cast around us…eastern cultures see Shadow much different than we westerners do.  To the traditional Japanese, Shadow is very important. 

 “Were it not for shadows, there would be no beauty.” — Junichiro Tanizaki, In Praise of Shadows

Eliot explored the eastern culture and philosophy extensively, he knew very well what Shadow means to the east.

Interpreting T.S. Eliot is beyond my pay grade, but somehow it seems that every critical analysis I have come across casts this “Shadow” of Eliot’s in the negative.  The oppressive force that exists between us and “reality” or “action”.  Calling to mind Plato’s shadow in the cave.  How do we crawl out of this cave enlightened and perceive these Shadows and their makers?  Aristotle questioned this and birthed the scientific method…where has that lead us?!?

The realities we perceive, the actions we take never really seem to change all that much on the whole.  In our attempts to analyze and understand we sanitize everything yet we have no answers.

“But the progressive Westerner is determined always to better his lot. From candle to oil lamp, oil lamp to gaslight, gaslight to electric light—his quest for a brighter light never ceases, he spares no pains to eradicate even the minutest shadow.”—Junichiro Tanizaki, In praise of shadows

Never satisfied we of the west push ourselves willingly over the cliff into “a clean, well lit” (Hemingway) madness.  Not realizing as Ursula K le Guin did that “to light a candle is to cast a shadow.”  

Not so long after completing his famous  poem “The Hollow Men” Eliot converts to Christianity, yet I still don’t believe that Eliot’s Shadow represents a malevolent force.  We have forgotten that the Shadow also exists in our western, Christian culture as well, Eliot also knew this.  There are many scriptures in the Old and New Testament describing Shadow in relation to God and creation.  

One of my favorites reads:

“How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”— Psalms 36:7

We can find refuge in God’s Shadow.  Christ is the light of the world, but he wraps us in his wings as he casts out the darkness before us.  Shadow is not complete darkness.  Shadow is the buffer zone between the reality of our complete unworthiness (“light”) and the abyss /separation (“dark”) we have with each other and our creator.

Where are we left today, what are we to do in what seems  this spiritual “Wasteland”?  My only answer can be that we must become refugees in the Shadow of God’s wings.

Advent · Christmas · faith · Nativity · Orthodoxy · saints · winter

The Advent of Hope Comes in Darkness

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blue and purple cosmic sky

In dark times we pray desperate prayers.  To be desperate is to be right on the knife’s edge of death and a miracle.  In our darkest moments it is a wonder how much faith we can muster- in our hopelessness there is so much hope.

Advent is a dark time- a winter of discontent, a black hole, a dark night.  Wise men know what to do when a star appears in a desperate sky.

If we are truth tellers we know that advent is for the hopeless, the desperate, the poor, the blind, the laborer. The sinner. Christ comes in the cave of our hearts, right in the midst of the wild beasts.  Our only hope- to welcome him as best we can- as we are- in fear. The light will penetrate the dark.  The black.  And it will hurt.

This is an advent of the soul waiting in hopeless hope.

He is the Tradition.  A light shining in the darkness.  A constant. Permanent. A star that appears as an absolute sign.  Christ is our Tradition- our Star- our Hope.

Christmas is miraculous.  And miracles come to the hurting, the dying, the desperate, the broken, the poor, the hopeless.

The advent of hope comes in darkness.

I have passed my life ever in night, for the night of sin has
been to me thick fog and darkness; but make me, O Savior,
a son of the day.
-The Great Canon of St. Andrew of Crete

 

 

faith · Lent · Orthodoxy · saints

Repent and Believe

amandasexton1 Comment

…the Kingdom of God is at hand.  Repent and believe in the gospel.  Mark 1:25

It is difficult to discern the difference between being sorry for sin and being sorry for the consequences of sin.  Most of the time propriety keeps my sins nicely concealed, wrapped up in manners and decency and etiquette.  However, once in a while I am caught with my hand in the cookie jar. A slip of gossip, a quick yet horrid rant of anger, a spewing of pent up malice.  However small and dainty the slips might be, they reveal more than I like to admit.  Even an attempted recovery of placid mannerisms and sweet words cannot hide my heart- the truth.  Those who witness these momentary lapses of discretion are surely surprised.  Or are they?  I wonder if what we conceal is really hidden at all.  It is certainly not hidden from God, our Mother, and the saints.

I am known, whether I admit that or not.

To be known is a fearful thing if one is convinced.  We hide to protect, we conceal to survive, we lie to persevere. Pride makes the case that there is nothing so risky as coming out, coming forth, coming to ourselves.  The only safe path is isolation, because there in that small space we at least have the consolation of self love.  Poor and friendless as this place can be, it is no hell like being known for who we are- and not being loved.

The stronghold of a mind fortified with self love is like Jericho, the safest place on earth, the most strategic warriors are no match for its strength and might.  It is hard to give up such security, however this is just what repentance requires. Repentance is not a reinforcement of will to make the walls stronger.  It is a shout, a mighty shout of faith, and the walls come tumbling down.

What kind of faith can make walls fall, stones roll away, even the stones of our minds?  It is the faith to believe that Jesus told us the truth.  We must believe, and take Him at His word.  God is love, and He is a God of promises, not threats.  We must come up out of our graves, from behind our fortified walls, and let mercy heal us.  Love and humility are so kindred that perhaps they are the same.  For in one we find the other.  To be humble is to love, to love is to be humble.  And humility is not thinking we are less, it is believing simply in the gospel of good news- to receive it as a child- God is Love, and his mercy endures forever. It is a very humble thing to be loved.

When the walls fall, repentance replaces my obsessive fear.  It is no longer the consequences of sin that threaten my self love and make me afraid.  Repentance is being heart broken for sin itself- the deed, the wound.  Sin is alien.  It hurts- it should.  We must grieve when we fail to love. As we grieve, we change our minds- literally.  We change our minds about our enemies mostly.  This change of mind brings about chastity- when the inside matches the outside.  I no longer have a reason to hide behind manners, decency, and propriety- all of which make disguising sin a social sport.  Repentance brings change from the inside out, a chaste and genuine person shines through.  No hidden malice, despondency, vain talking. No guile.  No lie.

For what reason must we repent and believe?  Is some threat looming?  Some terror?

Yes, a great terror looms in the hearts of all men.  It is the threat of love.  It is the threat of peace.  It is the threat of glory.  If we would simply repent and believe, we would see our lives transformed by love.  The kingdom of God is at hand.

O Lord, vouchsafe unto us the gift of the Holy Spirit,
that we may perceive Thy glory,
and live on earth in peace and love.
And let there be neither malice, nor wars nor enemies,
but may love alone reign,
and there will be no need of armies, or prisons,
and life will be easy for everyone on earth.
St. Silouan the Athonite

 

A Woman’s Hidden Heart
faith · family · homemaking · Lent · motherhood · Orthodoxy

A Woman’s Hidden Heart

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Once a very devout woman came to me and asked: “What shall I do father? I am illiterate and do not know the prayers. Will I be saved without praying?” I asked her: “You do not pray?” “Yes, I pray.” “So how do you pray?” “This is how I pray when sweeping the house. I ask God: ‘My Lord cleanse the dirt from my soul as I clean the dirt from the house and may I be pleasing to You as I am pleased with a clean home. And when I wash clothes I also pray: ‘O Lord wash away the evil of my soul, that I may be as clean as this shirt. And so I pray like this with everything I do.” “Live like this all your life. This is unceasing prayer. That is, in all circumstances, when you do something, you see the presence of God.”

– St. Paisios of Mt Athos

After twenty-one years of marriage and raising five children ranging from late teen to toddler I am amazed at the abiding simplicity that has guided my steps.  This is not what I expected to uncover when I went digging through the mommy closet. I expected to find some kind of dramatic story complete with conflict, rising action, and culminating in a profound revelation.  What I found is not that exciting.  It is not glamorous, and definitely not new.

The traditional Christian teaching on the family is something that my husband and I embraced from the beginning of our marriage. Our roles as father and mother have always been very important to us, and all decisions are made with this imperative in mind.  If something were to happen and I needed to work outside the home I would embrace that situation fully. However, as long as there is a way…I will be a keeper at home.  I am not perfect, but I do want to honor and love God by fully embracing my role as a wife and mother.  This is difficult to do. Our culture does not value the same things we are called to value as Christians.

Sometimes I despair that I am not doing a very good job as a mother.  I have discovered that this happens when I get too busy, too distracted, and therefore too tired.  The role of the mother is to nurture the family, body and soul.  This takes a tremendous amount of energy, and when I spend too much of my energy on other things, things that are not as important as my role as a mother, the family suffers.  Lent is a great time to look at these areas.  I have plenty to examine as I write this reflection. Together, let’s reflect on the beauty and simplicity of the Christian mission of motherhood.

In reading the Holy Scriptures, wise priests and monastics, and the saints, I have yet to find a complicated instruction for mothers. For example, in Titus 2 the Apostle Paul lays out the ordering of the Church according to the true faith.  In his instruction Paul admonishes all members to abide by sound Christian doctrine in whatever role they are fulfilling.  In the line-up is a simple and direct instruction for young women.  Starting at verse 4,  Paul commands the older women to “admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

What I can add to this very simple list of instructions is perhaps a bit of reflection.

  • Love their husbands
    What an honor and privilege it is to do life with my husband.  He is strong where I am weak, thank goodness.  He is a Christian.  He loves me and the children unconditionally, and he is loyal and good.  He works hard and tethers himself to a life of servitude for us.  He pumps the gas, changes the light bulbs, repairs the cars and house, mows the grass, handles the finances, and does all the things Mama can’t do, or would rather not do. For all of this, and because he is who he is, flawed and ordinary and beautiful, I love him.  How I show this love is not always on point.  I am selfish, needy, emotional, and did I mention selfish?  There are days when he is the last item on my list.  By the time I get to him, there is not much left. Somehow I do not think this is loving.  This Lent I have thought about how I can narrow my circle and put him in the center. Every wife knows how to love their husband well.  The key is arranging a life that makes this the top priority.
  • Love their children
    Above everything, to love our children is to lead them to God.  Parents first take their children to Church to be baptized.  We first love them by giving them to God.  What comes after flows from this primary act of love.  I asked a few wise and trusted friends of mine what they thought was the role of the mother in the family.  One friend explained by telling me a personal story.  She has two daughters in college and two still at home.  One daughter was struggling at college, and Mama decided to cook up a big mess of homemade favorites and send it to her daughter to help her through the rough patch.  She spent two days planning, shopping, cooking, and packaging the food.  As my friend was telling this story her eyes were full of love and empathy, her whole heart went into the food along with her tears and prayers.  This is what mothers do-they love and love some more.  This Lenten season I asked the Lord to rekindle in me a servant’s heart for my children.  Sometimes we have to forgive our children for being scoundrels and soften places in our hearts that may have grown cold toward them.  I am plenty perfunctory, but I want to be gentle, happy, kind, patient, and most of all attentive.  I have been praying the Akathist to the Mother of God- our mother helps us be loving, gentle, and devoted mothers.
  • Be discreet
    Intentionally unobtrusive. Not attracting attention. Sober. Sound. Safe. Temperate. You get the idea.  This one is so hard, yet when practiced it brings such peace.  I love the word, intentionally.  I would agree that if a mother is to be discreet it must be by her choice.  Shyness does not count…underneath shyness can linger brazen and harsh attitudes.  When I think of being discreet, I imagine making my circle smaller-as I mentioned above. Fewer friends, fewer conversations, and fewer opinions.  Read what is precious to the Lord, “Your adornment must not be merely external — braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” 1 Peter 3:3-4  To be discreet is to adorn ourselves with beauty.  Again, our mother Mary is the perfect example-let us follow in her footsteps.
  • Be chaste
    The Greek adjective is hagnos.  It means to excite reverence.  I can think of many things that our culture tells women they should arouse in others…reverence is not one of them.  Honestly, it is difficult to even know how to go about doing this.  Think about it.  Deeply.  For some of us, many things would need to change if we are to live chaste lives and excite reverence.  Another meaning of hagnos is pure from carnality.  The carnal sins concern our sexuality.  Let us reserve our sexuality for our husbands alone-keeping ourselves for him in a clean and modest way.  Why do we need or want attention from others?
  • Homemakers
    Another translation reads keepers at home.  To make a home we need to be at home.  If I am out and about too much, my home suffers.  Again, keeping at home, even for women who work outside the home, is an intentional choice.  All mothers are homemakers whether they work outside the home or not.  And all women can be at home more-we all can.  The world tempts us to leave, and we succumb, only to watch our lives morph into something we may not intend or want.  A mother’s focus on making a house a home is a beautiful discipline-and the results are heavenly.  A home that is cared for by a loving and dedicated mother oozes with comfort, creativity, nourishment, and vitality.  A home can be like a monastery-providing for the physical and spiritual needs of the family without much need for outside influence.  And the Lord provides for a mother who sets her heart on having a nourishing home.  I saw this on the mission field among the poorest of the poor-Christian women have lovely homes no matter their financial status.  It is a beautiful secret that Christian women all over the world share-the home.
  • Be good
    A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 17:22.  When I looked up the word good in the Greek Lexicon, I literally laughed out loud; it defines good as pleasant, agreeable, joyful, happy. I am convicted and inspired to know that a joyful disposition is like a medicine to my family.  Forget the pharmacy…give them a smile!  I realize that there is need for real medicines, but what if a joyful atmosphere in the home really does affect health?  I believe it does-body and soul.  Godly joy is surely a result of deep humility.  When we give thanks in all circumstances joy results-the kind of joy the world cannot offer.  My husband and children LOVE for me to be happy and joyful.  When I am pleasant they are more pleasant, and this makes family life happy.          
  • Obedient to their husbands
    Let’s not be controversial…the Scriptures do not and cannot advocate abuse.  The kind of obedience this Scripture refers to has nothing to do with control, or suppression.  It has everything to do with respect and honor.  The Scripture that comes to mind is “like Sara who obeyed Abraham and called him Lord.” 1 Peter 3:6.  I tell my girls all the time, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.”  I feel this way about the admonition to obey our husbands.  We can choose not to obey to prove a point, but we throw out the blessings of obedience.  Spiritual growth is impossible without obedience.  A mother, with all she has to do, cannot always seek out spiritual guidance from priests and monastics. However, she can obey her husband, and in this way she can progress.  As with all obedience it takes humility and practice.  A second blessing of obedience is order.  When the mother submits to the father she sets a great example for her children.  The mother models obedience and the children learn obedience.  A mother need not fear obedience to her husband, but rather expect great blessings!  I struggle to obey in this way, and I pray to my patron saint Righteous Anna, the mother of Mary, for help- the patron of homemakers.

Paul ends his admonition in Titus 2:11-13 by stressing the importance and reason for fulfilling our God designed roles, “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ.”  What hope we have as we fulfill our God designed roles as mothers.  When we are obedient to sound doctrine we preserve the true faith in blessed hope, passing it from one generation to the next, until the second coming of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ.  The role of the mother in the family is essential and irreplaceable.  A woman loving and serving God and her family is a beautiful blessing to behold.  And the fruit it produces remains for generations.

The list below is an entry in my journal-a list of disciplines I work on day by day, year by year. I am young, and I am learning, like a crawling baby.  Perhaps the list will help you, as it does me, to cultivate a desire to become a better Christian mother.

Pray morning and evening prayers
Fast according to the calendar
Pray before meals and before major tasks
Make the sign of the Cross over food, before sleep, and in times of need
Use Holy water and lampada oil during times of suffering, sickness, and distress
Cultivate quiet
Speak gently most of the time
Celebrate name days
Make Prosphora (Communion bread)
Attend Sunday and Feast day liturgies
Read the Scriptures to the children
Make food for coffee hour
Visit Godparents and Grandparents
Wear our blessed crosses
Confess regularly
Place icons in bedrooms
Pray for the departed
Cook nutritious meals at home and eat at the table together
Forgive each other and those that offend us
Celebrate the Feasts with joyful traditions
Share with the poor in little ways that we can
Read the Psalms
Establish routines
Practice hospitality with family, friends, and neighbors
Include and care for animals in our family
Plant and care for a small garden

We, as mothers, are called to love God and our families above all, and sometimes this means adjusting our speed to accommodate those with whom we are walking.  I struggle with how to be pious without hurting. I do not want to scandalize my family, especially my children. In this too, I pray to Mary and ask for her prayers and guidance.  She is the perfect mixture of warm affection and piety-she will teach us.

If you struggle as I do, perhaps you can make a note card of the scripture below and place it where you will see it often. God does not despise even the smallest effort.
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. Isaiah 42:3 

Good Strength for the remaining time of Great Lent…let us struggle together and arrive at Pascha with our hearts renewed in love for God and our families.

Love to you, Mandy (Anna)

Thursday’s Health Report- Consumerism
cooking · faith · family · food · homemaking · Lent · motherhood

Thursday’s Health Report- Consumerism

amandasexton1 Comment

pablo (1)

Much of what the defenders of the status quo believe to be following a healthy lifestyle is punitive in nature, brilliantly constructed for markets that are driven by profits. This is especially true in the health food market. As a result, we restrict, inflict, prod, poke, examine, analyze, correct, eat this and not that, and chain ourselves to labels.  We pay emotional damages for how uneducated we are, how undisciplined we are, how sick we are, how weak we are…and we believe we deserve it.

The punitive approach to health weighs most heavily on moms (women in general really) who struggle with being enough.  It is very hard to be all things at all times, to do all the right things for our family’s health and happiness.  Women, and especially moms, are brainwashed in a sense.  It’s a false- image of womanhood that includes EVERYTHING- everything we are conditioned to believe is healthy.

As I have struggled with unhealthy habits and the extreme pendulum swings I think will correct unhealthy habits I have discovered a few things.  The first being that I must mistrust the image of womanhood that is constructed by the advertising monopoly if I am to understand the true nature health.  I am convinced that our health has been monetized and re-engineered. We have abandoned age old traditions in favor of supposed advancements and innovation, resulting in a health crisis created by consumerism gone mad.

Sit with that idea for a moment.  Just acknowledging this relieves stress.  It brings back a sense of power.  It detaches us from the frenzy, and our eyes are opened to a lie.

Monetized health does not have to be the norm for me and my family.  I can choose to take a different approach to health, and this approach does not cost a lot of money, it does not require a degree in molecular biology, it does not demand too much energy, and it is NOT punitive. In fact, it’s not really an approach at all.  It is not ideological, exclusive, or secret.

Nothing concerning true health is new-quite the contrary.  It is as old as it gets.  What I want to share, and hopefully work through as I journal, is the journey of living a truly healthy life, the life I was created to live.  Health is about being.  No gimmicks, no tricks, no new revelations, no cutting edge expert advise.

My first Thursday’s Health Report begins in a funny spot, however I think it hits the bullseye. If we as women want to begin to live, and live fully, we might consider getting off the conveyor belt of monetized health. We can choose to unsubscribe to the polls, the statistics, the clicks, the next miracle, the headlines, and the health drama. We can become UN-consumers.  This detox is hard, because we are conditioned to follow the advise of experts.  For reasons that are evident, yet hard to understand, women have willingly forfeited our God-given genius concerning food and health.  We think health is too complicated, too scientific, too much for us to take on ourselves.  This is true in cases of illness, when we truly need the expertise of trained physicians and healers. However, this is not true when it comes to everyday living and living well.

A Country Christmas

I truly believe women have a built in sense about food.  It is a knowing- knowing what to cook, how to cook it, and how to serve it.  The clues we need to Hansel and Gretel our way back to health are present in our food traditions, cultures, and families.  It does not take too many paces for a woman to retrace her steps and find the old country ways. My own Texas farm heritage has wonderfully healthy food traditions; garden fresh vegetables, hearty beef, and lingering conversations at the supper table are three of my favorites.

Women have traditionally been the keepers of food traditions and the preservers of culture. There is something to discover in this- it is a blueprint of health that has preserved generations, and it is a beautiful part of womanhood. This unseen gift gets high-jacked by experts who through science and technology undermine the spiritual nature of the kitchen.  This loss of power, tradition, and confidence is where I want to begin my musings on Thursday’s Health Report.

Try this little exercise:

Go to your kitchen and stand in the middle of the room. Feel the space you take up, feel your weight, feel your body, connect with it.  Stay put for about three minutes.  Stay still until you feel something, anything. 

What did you feel?  Keep trying this exercise until your heart and kitchen connect.  Until you can pray with thankfulness for the opportunity to feed and nurture yourself and others. Often times when I do this, I feel a great sensation of warmth right in the center of my chest near my heart.  It is here that I pray to God.  It is our Creator that is the true source of health. True and deep prayer is also the protocol for a consumerism detox, and a rejuvenation of our food gift.   We have to give up our false- image and turn to the true Image. In this we experience joy, relief, healing, gentleness, mercy, and love- the very opposite of the punitive and rigorous nature of monetized health.

Thursday’s Health Report 3 Weekly Challenges

  1. Archive all the gimmicks and expert advise.
    This will be hard for me, however I know it is necessary.  Often times, I am distracted from being healthy by reading and studying about being healthy.  I want to fill up this extra time and head space with prayer, my duties, long walks, and cooking yummy healthy food!
  2. Don’t buy anything that has a health promise stamped on it. 
    This does not include prescribed medicines and supplements.  Otherwise, I am going to eat real food.  Nothing that has been over-processed, over-rated, or over-advertised.  This means I will do most of my shopping around the outside edges of the grocery store.
  3. Pray and wholeheartedly give thanks for the food that I eat.
    This might seem simplistic, but I wonder how often I do not connect with the Eucharistic nature of mealtime and food. I want to slow down and cultivate a heart of gratitude when it comes to food.  Food is so precious, and wonderful, and life giving. Glory be to God.

    pablo (2)

    Will you join me, join the conversation, join me in a few real life challenges, join me in prayer?  This Lent I am hoping to regain health in my home, body, and soul.  I want to return and repent.  I want to regain power- the power that comes from a life that is centered in the right place.  Check back next Thursday for another report about where I am at in this journey. Thank you for reading.  Mandy

 

faith · family · homemaking · kids · Lent · motherhood · Orthodoxy · parenting

Guest Post @ Illumination Learning

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A Woman’s Hidden Heart 

If you have not already signed up to receive Illumination Learning‘s posts via email…do so!  Full of practical and spiritual advice for the Orthodox mother, father, and educator. Love Jennifer’s kindness and wisdom!  Click the link above to read a post I wrote as a Lenten reflection for mothers for Illumination Learning. Thank you.

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baby · faith · family · homemaking · kids · motherhood · parenting · saints · Uncategorized

What I want my daughters to know about the 2016 US Election

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(I wrote this three days before the election.)

A certain Hillary Clinton campaign add depicts small children innocently watching the television as Donald Trump makes fun of the disabled, offering up one calloused and derogatory remark after another to the massive crowds at his rallies. The television add ends with this epitaph, “Our children are watching.”

Epitaph, you say?  Yes, in an horrifyingly ironic way Hillary’s tag line is like an inscription on the tombstone of the unborn.  Our children are watching-in memory of the children who are not watching the television, the children who are not our choice.

Dear daughters, labor to discern the times and ponder what is good and true and beautiful.

We live in a world where it is not okay to make fun of the disabled and yet it is perfectly okay to abort a disabled child.  Understand the times. Ponder how evil is always rooted in some convoluted lie-some twisting and confusion of the truth.

Mother Angelica said, “I do not vote for candidates, I vote for life.”  And this is where I stand.  All other issues flow from this one issue…life.

Hold your ground as a woman.  Do not be deceived by women who tell convoluted lies.  For woman is created to be a child-bearer, physically and/or spiritually.  And bearing children is hard and you will suffer.  As long as I am alive I will help you bear this burden.  As a woman I will try my best to support you.

And do not hate men.  Come alongside them and bear their weaknesses.  Do not be deceived by women who tell convoluted lies.  For woman is created to be a help meet, physically and/or spiritually. This is hard and you will suffer.  As long as I am alive I will help you bear this burden.  As a woman I will try my best to support you.

Hillary Clinton does not represent me as a woman, nor does any other woman who shares her ideology.  She represents all I am trying to repent of, sin that is rooted in a strong-willed desire to rule.

Stay veiled- stay hidden- stay quiet in spirit- stay repentant.
Look to the Theotokos, pray, and remember the icon of motherhood.
Do not be deceived by convoluted lies.
Remember the woman who ran for President of the United States of America in 2016- remember her in your prayers.
If she wins-keep praying.

To the woman he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in sorrow you shall bring forth children; and your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you. Genesis 3:16

books · faith

A Year With No Books

amandasexton5 Comments

A few years back I made an odd new year’s commitment; a year with no books.  It was an experiment actually.  My logic ran like this- if you are so obsessed with ancient Christianity why not give up your books?  Why not live one year without reading, like a first century Christian housewife?  I have always had a love/hate relationship with academic style spirituality.  The notion that one can become a theologian by learning and discerning without some sort of asceticism has always bothered me, but then again I am sometimes a scholastic wannabe, imagining myself gaining spiritual knowledge through the things I read, progressing somewhere between a novice and a priest.  At other times I denounce the Gutenberg Press as the catalyst for the modern spiritual demise.

Years of research and deep reflection on the nature of learning has left me with some pretty outrageous opinions regarding compulsory education.  I am not even sure that it is beneficial that we make children learn to read. I understand the pragmatic necessity of a literate populace, commonality being a strong motivation.  However, there are many benefits to being illiterate- at least in theory.  This theory was strengthened when I got to know a boy named Peter, born with Down Syndrome, and a saint indeed.  His spiritual integrity had nothing to do with acquiring more and more spiritual knowledge, but rather his mystical and other-worldly love of the Church, the saints, and Christ.

If you believe that I am carried away by some romantic notion of Christianity, let me assure you that my understanding of Christianity and its mission is much more nuanced than that.  I regard Christian education to be one of the highest callings, especially the education of children.  And yet, I am more and more convinced that Christian education is a contradiction of terms.  Something about John 1 makes me wonder- the Word as Man, the God-Man, the Logos. And then there is Acts-  the upper room, speaking in tongues, the Revelation and the resulting mass conversions and birth of the Church. Those gathered experienced Pentacost, and they spoke the language of God.  These theophanies did not come as man crouched over a book -revelation came as they waited upon the Lord, as a mighty rushing wind, setting their heads on fire!  Sometimes I wish my head would spontaneously combust and burn away my ideas, my knowledge, my gods.

I do believe we can read without making words our god. However, I do not believe reading is essential for Christian theosis.  We can become like God without reading, and sometimes I think we would have it better if we didn’t read so much.  And hear I sit writing something for you to read- I’m bad, I know.

Sometimes I feel like my spiritual state corresponds with my purchasing power.  When I am down, backslid, and otherwise apathetic I buy a book and read about lofty things.  It gives me the satisfaction that I am progressing.  The more things I can buy the better Christian I become…nonsense.  Christ gave us the disciplines of Christian piety, and they have nothing to do with consumerism.

My year without books was an experiment to see if I could live without the written word.  Could I pray, could I listen, could I be silent? Could I fast and deny myself intellectual gratification?  Could I give of my time by being truly present?  Could I give up my consumerism by simulating a situation in which many who are less fortunate than I experience as normal? Could I listen in Church? Could I live like an ancient Christian housewife?  No books, no words, just prayer and work and presence?

It was a strange year, but I did it.

After the year was up I did not return to my old reading self.  For one, I gave up reading theological books almost completely.  I read the stories of the saints, and I love a good tale.  My year without books reminded me of the women I met in southern Mexico who lived on dirt floors and shared a community outdoor bathroom.  They owned Bibles and that was all, and yet I wept at their piety. It humbled me.  I learned how little I pray in that year, and how hard it is to come out of my mind and into the moment.  I also began to understand my own heart.  I also sought God differently, like I did as a young woman, as one crying out, or rather pouring out my heart.  A new year always reminds me of the year I gave up books. It was good. I missed my books, but it was good.

I attached the account of St Romanos below, one of my favorites and a witness to the Gospel as the Word.

St Romanos the Melodist of Constantinople (556)

He was born in Emessa in Syria, probably of Jewish parents. He served as a deacon in Beirut, then in Constantinople at the time of Patriarch Euphemius (490-496). He was illiterate, had no musical training, and was a poor singer; thus he was despised by many of the more cultivated clergy. One night, after Romanos had prayed to the Mother of God, she appeared to him in a dream, held out a piece of paper and told him to swallow it. On the following day, the Nativity of Christ, Romanos went to the ambon and, with an angelic voice, sang ‘Today the Virgin…’, which is still sung as the Kontakion of the Feast. All present were amazed at the completely unexpected beauty of the hymn and of Romanos’ singing. St Romanos went on to compose more than a thousand Kontakia (which were once long hymns, not the short verses used in church today). He is almost certainly the author of the sublime Akathist Hymn to the Mother of God, which has served as the model for all other Akathists. He reposed in peace, while still a deacon of the Great Church in Constantinople. Many of his hymns were inspired by the hymns of St Ephraim of Syria.

faith · Uncategorized

How to be free of a good reputation…

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I remember the first time I experienced the fear of my own goodness.  Her name was Lynn, and she was an eccentric woman.  She was heavy-set, very tall, and her brunette hair was wild and wiry.  She talked loud, had an appetite like a truck driver, and she could weave a great story.  Her stories were about her, her life- her crazy life before she was saved. She went to our a Pentecostal Church, where words from God were as common as they were bizarre.  But we didn’t know it.  It was considered a good Sunday when the Spirit got to movin’ and the preacher had to skip the sermon in favor of the praise and worship.  It was in this atmosphere that we might see and hear something other worldly.  And we did.  We saw things, and we heard things.  It was spectacular for sure.

Lynn was one of those ladies in our church that had a prophetic gift. She heard things, and she spoke them.  But it was her real life stories I remember.  I cannot retell one prophetic thing she ever said in church, but I do remember a million details from her stories.  They are little treasures that I find here and there as I go about piecing together my own story.

On one occasion Lynn told me a horrific tale about her days of living with the mob.  She was in her twenties and her man of the hour was a bad dude…a mobster that had many enemies.  You can imagine me, a 12 year old school girl, from a small town, raised on a farm, barely had TV,  and the awe with which I might listen to a story like this. And I did.  Lynn fascinated me.  She was kind and real and happy and awesome…and I loved her.  Outside of my mother, she was my first spiritual mentor.  When she told me that another mobster crashed into their bedroom late on night and shot her lover, while she laid right there in his warm blood, I was not surprised. I was fascinated.  Her story of redemption was so real to me.  Here was a lady that was truly saved from something.  Jesus had transformed her.  I envied her eccentricities, her side-ways looking at things, her ability to identify with pain and shame, her way with the unlovelies.

It would seem like a woman like this would be too much for a twelve year old.  But I had known her since I was very young.  She was my grandmother’s best friend.  She was a part of our family. I am so very thankful my mother didn’t shelter me from Lynn and her stories.  I am so very thankful for the opportunity to know a woman like her at a young age.

On another occasion Lynn told me that she worried for the good people in the Church.  She worried that good people would never know God’s love, His infinite mercy, His healing power.  At twelve I am sure that I did not understand the full implications of her words.  All I know is that as a young woman I was keenly aware that I was one of the good people she was referring to, and it scared me for some reason.

I am grown up now, and I have stories to tell of my own- mistakes I have made, people I have hurt, moral failures, religious failures, parenting failures.  But somehow these failures never seem to live up to the life Lynn lived, and I wonder if what she said is true.  Do good people ever really get saved?  Do good people ever know the real Christ?

I am not convinced that we do.

Is there hope for all us who believe we are morally gifted? I sure hope there is.  I am still trying to find my way.  One thing I do know is that we do not have to sin to know God’s mercy, but we do have to work hard at being real.  We do have to work at embracing the Lynns of the world.  Those whose reputations bring reproach, admitting that we are not separate from those we are tempted to judge.  Lynn never really escaped her past.  And what was great about Lynn is that she didn’t care to..she lived real.  Her life was not a before and after photo shoot…she made sure of that by telling her stories in her eccentric way.  A way that helped this good girl be afraid of her good reputation. A way that made me question what good is, and made me admit that I am not really good.  There is none good but God.

In her own way Lynn was like Saint Mary of Egypt.

In her own way Lynn preached the Gospel.