Category: Orthodoxy

baby · books · cleaning · faith · family · food · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · kids · learning · marriage · motherhood · organizing · Orthodoxy · parenting

Christ in Our Midst

amandasexton3 Comments

Tonight I headed out to the art shed to look for a set of Logic books that I need for a class I am thinking about teaching in the spring.  When I opened the door to this small space I was aghast at it’s condition.  My two oldest daughters use this space the most, and it was amazing to me that such little care is taken with all the very expensive art supplies in their room.  This space is intended to be an artist’s retreat…a renovated plant shed fully furnished with oils, canvases, watercolors, chalks, charcoal, drawing pencils, instruction books, etc.  I left the little wreck of a room quite angry.  Before prayers I had a chat with the girls about caring for our home and respecting the things in it as objects of great value.  Because things do have value…and not just monetary value. They have value in themselves.

In a world that has gone spiritually mad it is often difficult to understand the material world…to value it in such a way that elevates it as holy.  And yes, I believe paint and pencils and books are holy things, along with everything else in the created world.  One of my favorite authors, Madeleine L’Engle, sums it up quite nicely in her wonderful book Walking on Water, 

 “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.” (And if you love the subjects of art and faith this is a must read…a must purchase.)

When I first read that book in my early twenties it was like a butterfly effect in my life…a small change that created an earthquake later down the road.  And since, I have been utterly undone by the knowledge of the Incarnation and its implications.  A simple shift, yet so profound…no longer must the material world be subject to the murderous accusation of being evil, or worse, mundane. No longer must men decide if some thing is good…if some thing is evil.  Everything God created is good!

Christ became man, taking on flesh, showing that man can become by grace what Christ is by nature…we become the body of Christ.  Christ showed us that the material world is good, and real, and valuable.  It’s all very deep, and I do not intend to get in over my head in theology.  But, at the same time I know that this knowledge, however limited and shallow, has changed my life. This knowledge can change one’s entire inner posture and experience.  Because of Christ man has the power to redeem his world….to live the incarnation.  Every good work is essentially an incarnational work.  And what we would deem as bad works, or sin, have no material value because evil cannot create anything.

But, I am a common housewife…busy with so-called mundane tasks…tasks that go unnoticed and undervalued by a world that is high on ideological promises and rhetoric.  A world that believes ideas change the world, not home cooked meals and prayers before bed.  How can this common housewife be anything more than the one saddled with all the unpleasant necessaries…the stuff that has to be done so we can get on with the real business of the world?  Is my work really valuable…the work of my hands?  Is it incarnational…dirty diapers, really?  

And yet, here I am tonight thinking about art supplies and how they are holy and how if my children will value them it will grow in them a heart after God.  And how lately I have been in a modern mood…not really valuing things…and barely tolerating people.  A momentary lapse of heart…that’s what it really is.

After I came in from the art shed I opened the altar cabinet doors, and I decided to take care of something valuable…something I have been neglecting…the liturgical supplies.  Incense has permeated the wood along with the earthy smell of beeswax.  It is a wonderful smell, and it did my heart good to touch the things in the cabinet, holy things.  I looked across my living room and an interesting thought crossed my mind…everything in this room is holy. This is the antidote for my modern mood…for my lack of enthusiasm.  Every thing and every person in this home has value…in and of itself.  And I am the keeper…the keeper at home…the keeper of home.

My work is holy.  And every thing I encounter in my day; the laundry, the crying, the dishes, the food, the neighbor, the phone call…every demand, every interruption, every failure, every trill of laughter is…

Christ in our midst.

Most days these kinds of thoughts do not pass through my mind. Most days I just get up and put my work boots on…one at a time.  But sometimes it is good to remember, especially when life begins to stretch me thin and and I feel like my work is drudgery.  Sometimes we keepers at home can get in a bad way.

Tomorrow I am going to help the girls make things right in the art shed.  I plan on cooking a nice dinner and finishing up the laundry.  I hope to steal away for a bit and finish my Journey to Nativity calendar.  There’s always school that needs doin’, and babies that need rockin’, and dishes that need washin’.  And I am going to read this post again in the morning…and remind myself that all of this…this big life that wears me out…it’s holy…it’s valuable…it’s incarnational.

It’s Christ in our midst.



faith · family · homeschooling · kids · learning · motherhood · Orthodoxy · parenting

Homeschooling: Just keep practicing.

amandasexton2 Comments

This is the time of year that I reflect on our home school journey… I evaluate, I ponder, and I make decisions.  I think it is better to do this now… at the end of the school year… rather than wait until fall when I will be hopelessly idealistic….right now I am a realist.  The end of a school year makes realists of most homeschool families.  This year we welcomed a new little fella into our lives, and man did I have a time trying to manage all of the schoolwork, housework, and activities with the joys and concerns of an infant. However, we did manage…we made it, and it was a great year! We are very blessed.

Homeschooling is a never-ending learning experience on so many levels.  It really is a lifestyle.  That is why home school articles are so peculiar.  Among articles detailing curriculum, schedules, and methods an inquirer will also find plenty of advice on relationships, homemaking, and spirituality.  And that really is the best home school advice..the kind that gets down to the reality of home life. I have often wanted to express to new homeschooling mothers the importance of getting the bones right, then worry about the books!  I am still working on the bones…it is my daily work.

One hard lesson I have learned this year is that juggling all the balls takes practice.  I keep dropping the balls… fumbling around with awkward hands. That means I have to stop, pick them up again, and keep practicing.

Do you ever feel like you drop the ball?

It is just part of the experience.  It takes humility to keep practicing…I pray for humility.

A friend once told me that four children were manageable by her own strength, but the fifth took God’s strength.  This mom has since graduated from nursing school…while homeschooling and raising five kiddos.  I am learning this lesson as I stubbornly try to manage by my own strength.

How does a mom learn to lean on God’s strength?  Isn’t that just an overused cliche…some pat answer we spout when no meaningful solution presents itself?

 Maybe.

However, many times this year I have been at my rope’s end. And in those moments, among the chaotic emotional noise, there is also peace…it’s like a deep well that I must descend.  Go deeper..dig deeper..into the peace of God.  In those moments I have a choice. I can accept my imperfection, stand before God with an honest heart, and pray, “Lord, help me.”  Leaning on God’s strength does not mean that He rescues me from this life..this life I chose.  No, it means that He helps me.  He just helps me.  And this co-op…this cooperation… is what homeschooling is ALL about.

In the spirit of humility we take on the task of Raising Them Right…it is hard work.  It takes strength beyond ourselves.  As I make plans for next year I feel more than ever before that I will need help.  Join me here as I take you through my process…maybe we can inspire one another, pray for one another, and encourage one another to keep practicing.  Check back for a few inspiring topics!

Would the Perfect Mother Please Stand Up?
When to Call in Reinforcements
Is Technology My Friend?
Babies First
Homeschooling Tweens & Teens
Where is Sophie?  How not to forget the middle children.
The Domestic Church  

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faith · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · Orthodoxy · saints

Do Different Things

amandasexton4 Comments

My intellect and emotional habits…sometimes even my morals shut me off from God.  And the thought of giving them up produces such a scare that I only adhere insofar as it does not require, that it does not demand that I do different things.  The spiritual definition of humility makes me ponder the attachments I have, the strongholds of mountainous pride…pride that can be characterized as habits, customs, rituals…maybe that is what iniquity is..the long standing traditions of sin passed down…the chromosome of bad habit.

Maybe that is what Christ meant when he said you must hate your mother and father if you are to be a follower…people of The Way.  We must receive the new Way. We must adhere to the Tradition…not traditions.  This Way, a new way of walking and thinking, is foreign to me, it is not my mother’s wisdom, or my father’s…it is different.  And letting go of tidy systems, and principles, and convictions is scary.  It requires that I change my mind, that I allow myself to be censored, to admit that I have not yet understood a thing. (That Man Is You,Louis Evely)

God asks Abraham to leave his homeland; he must journey to find the promised land.  We all have a journey to make, and it requires humility to so often be changed..to practice detachment.  The rut of sin is mud dried hard, that rutted road that leads home, the road that we know so well…so well we drive it in the dark or even blindly. However, I have found that the road that leads to heaven requires attentiveness and light and road signs.  It is not a familiar road.

Some say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.  I agree.  My only hope is that there is peace in store for those who are obsessed with being changed, who try different things in that eternal search for perfection, who are accused of foolishness, but really they are just people unwilling to stay the way there are, because the pursuit is all about becoming something different…becoming like God.

To those who resist change, the spiritual journey can be full of anxiety and anger.  To those who are satisfied the spiritual journey can be full of unnecessary angst.  But for those who hunger and thirst, who believe themselves to be poor, who would rather be a fool than remain unchanged, those are given the blessings of discipleship. That to me defines a saint..those who have been given the blessings of discipleship.

It has been my experience that God, being the author and finisher of this faith, can ask ANYTHING.  And He resists me when I say, “Nothing can be done.”  Because obedience is always an option.  If I would only obey, things would change. I would change.  I have a long way to go.

A group of my friends gathered at my house this weekend for a party.  As we were setting under the twinkle lights on my patio, laughing and reminiscing, the conversation turned to me.  A friend commented that it was interesting watching me over the years, how I change so often, how I believe something so strongly and then I don’t, how I have changed my mind so much.  I was brought low by this opinion, somehow I believe stability validates the truth..that my perceived instability nullifies my credibility.  In truth, I have no credibility. I only hope that the witness of my life has not brought scandal.

 As I listened to my friends censor me, friends who have walked with me for over ten years, seen my journey, witnessed my life in flux, I kept silent…I had no defense.  I am what they say…I am a person who wants to change.  I want to do different things.  Because truth is worth every sacrifice.

“… it is certainly required that what is subject to change be in a sense always coming to birth. In mutable nature nothing can be observed which is always the same. Being born spiritually, in the sense of constantly experiencing change, does not come about as the result of external initiative, as is the case with the birth of the body, which takes place by means outside our control. Such a birth occurs by choice. We are in some manner our own parents, giving birth to ourselves by our own free choice in accordance with whatever we wish to be? moulding ourselves to the teaching of virtue or vice.”

Saint Gregory of Nyssa The Life of Moses

cooking · faith · family · food · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · marriage · motherhood · Orthodoxy

Bright Week

amandasexton4 Comments

We made it!  That’s what I keep thinking as I am cleaning out the fridge..all the leftover fasting dishes going to the scraps.  (We have a septic system which means no garbage disposal.)  I hope the neighborhood dogs like veggies in the scrap pile…hehe!

 I emptied containers of bean salad, coleslaw, a bit of refried beans, orzo pasta with artichokes and capers, and I was doing pretty good until I came upon a container of hummus.  The site of that evoked an emotional response.  I am sick of hummus!  And then a few minutes later I was half tempted to eat the last little bit for lunch.  I guess in a way it’s hard for this to be over.  So much of Lent revolves around the kitchen, and an Orthodox kitchen is truly a spiritual place.  So much of the Christian faith is centered in the home.

And on that thought…

Lisa A shared a series of talks on her blog entitled  The Good Wife: Five Lectures on the Christian Ideal.
The first lecture is free, and the remaining are only $10 for the complete download.  Well worth the donation!

The Christian ideal of womanhood is beautiful.  I have been thinking this week about brightening up my home, and then I saw this over at OCN… 

BRIGHT WEEK- the week after Lent in which we continue to practice the spiritual values we gained over the last 40 days.

I thought, “What spiritual values did I gain over the last forty days?”  What values must I practice to brighten our lives…our home? I can think of several.

Patience
Humility that calms anger
Kindness
Less talking
and most of all…
Consistency

I hope your Bright Week is exceptional.  How are you recouping, feasting, and practicing?  
Our Bright Week has been good so far.
Monday we had steaks from the grill.  Tuesday we went to vespers at the hermitage and shared a meal with the small community that is forming there. (So excited about that.)  Today we went to the park, and I am grilling hamburgers for dinner.  Thursday I hope I can get in my garden and plant a few things.  Friday Addy is going to a homeschool prom party!  Caroline is spending the night with her best friend.  Slade, the littles, and I are having ice cream sundaes.  The weekend is full with piano recital practice and St. Thomas Sunday.  
What are your plans for Bright Week?  Anything special?

faith · family · learning · Orthodoxy

Pascha Joy

amandasexton1 Comment

I got the call early in the week.  It was my mother, and she told me that the two chanters at her very small Greek parish in Wichita Falls were going to be out of town on Holy Saturday and Pascha.  I knew what was coming next, and I was terrified.

“If we cannot find anyone to fill in would you and the girls be willing to help?”

Last year we traveled to my mother’s parish for Pascha, and we were going again this year.  My sweet mother had arranged all of it.  Last year our whole family was together; my parents, grandmother, two brothers and their wives, our nephew, and us.  We all stayed at a hotel and went to services together.  It was wonderful, and I was so looking forward to this again.  And then the call… the request that immediately changed my relaxed anticipation into fear.

I said yes.  I could have said no.  But, somehow I sensed that this was a wonderful gift our family could give Jesus for Pascha.  I wanted to give Him a gift by helping the Church in Wichita Falls.  I love my mother’s church, a country church with no pretensions.  Cradle Orthodox tell me all the time that I know more about the faith than they do.  This comment makes me cringe.  I want to tell them, “What does knowing have to do with anything?  You are here, you have always been here, in the Church, living and breathing the life of the Church.  I am nothing.” That’s how I feel about this little church in West Texas that has held on to the faith in not so friendly conditions. It humbles me. It also amazes me, the care that Christ has for His Church, even very small churches in the middle of nowhere.  No domes, no choir or traditional chanters, not even traditional icons.  However, the heart of the Church is Christ, and He is everywhere present.  He lives in the people who sing the joyous Paschal hymns.

I spent all of Holy Week preparing for the services of Holy Saturday and Sunday.  My whole family pitched in, and it stretched us.  We are in no way professional singers or chanters.  However, we know enough to sing.  And I have learned that we all know enough to sing!  Every Orthodox Christian can and must sing Pascha! It is in the sweet melodies of the heart that Christ is hymned, remembered, worshiped, and glorified.

I had many plans for cleaning, cooking, and preparing for Pascha.  But, all of those plans were let go as I prepared for the real Pascha. Let us now lay aside all earthly cares.  There is something very wonderful about stretching oneself beyond the limits of knowledge and ability.  It is truly in our weakness that we can experience the righteousness of Christ.  It is when we feel that we cannot go on that we learn to lean on the one who can and does go on…unto the Ages of Ages.  I remember Abraham who did not lose his faith as he considered the weakness of his flesh….

And being not weak in faith, he considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sara’s womb. Romans 4:19 

As Adalay and I set out very early on Saturday morning for the two hour trek to Holy Cross in Wichita Falls, I prayed once again, “Lord please send just one Greek lady that knows the special hymns in Greek, and Lord please receive my song, however off tune and choppy it sounds.  I am just a baby, and I feel very vulnerable.”

And God provided.  Out of the congregation He provided.  He provided a wonderful woman visiting from Dallas that was once a choir director in San Antonio, she sang the special hymns in Greek.  An elderly gentlemen whose wife is dying with cancer came and sang Gladsome Light in Greek, and as the tears rolled down his cheeks I thought, “This is the Church.” My daughter, Adalay, sang her heart out, and was moved by her participation.  I could sense the work being done in her heart. Caroline helped her daddy with Samuel and the littles.  It was a team effort,a family effort.  This Pascha was so moving, my best so far as a convert.  It was not the most put together, and I have definitely been more prepared and polished in the past, but it was the most real.  It seemed that this Pascha made all things new.

And as we drove home, our bellies full of the lamb from the spit and baklava, I looked at  my car loaded up with all the goodies that the wonderful women of Holy Cross baked and gave to us, I saw all the Easter eggs, I saw all the bags and blankets and pillows, and I smiled.  I watched my bobble headed kiddos sleep, too tired to talk but oh so happy. I felt very full, full of joy.

We drove home in the rain, much needed rain. The day just kept getting better.

My brother called me at 10:00 Sunday night, and he said, “Well sis, Jesus sent a flood on Pascha.”  He said he had never seen it rain so hard, and that he had gone out in his front yard and looked up and cried with thanks.  We are in exceptional drought, the kind of drought that makes farmers and ranchers panic, and cities scramble to provide for citizens, and lakes dry up completely. Scary drought.  But, Jesus sent a flood on Pascha.  It will not cure the drought, but it is our hope.  Rain does still fall from the sky.

Pascha is a flood!  Pascha is like a flood in a drought!  Christ is the rain for every parched heart.  He is risen, and His flood washes away our sicknesses, our burdens, our sin.  We worship His third day resurrection.

My friend and I spoke on the phone this morning, sharing Pascha stories…Pascha joy.  She told me, “I cannot believe I have to wait another year to do this again.”  I thought later, “You don’t.”  Pascha is our present, an eternal present, and eternal feast of joy!

faith · family · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · learning · Orthodoxy · poetry

God is Love

amandasexton1 Comment

 “God is love.” This is, for me, the greatest theological truth.

May we struggle to forgive those who have hurt us.  May we beg mercy from those we have hurt….

All that this week is, it is nothing without Love.

Enlighten my mind with the light of understanding of Thy Holy Gospel; my soul with the love of Thy Cross; my heart with the purity of Thy word; my body, with Thy passionless Passion. Keep my thought in Thy humility, and raise me up at the proper time for Thy glorification. For most glorified art Thou, together with Thine unoriginate Father, and the Most Holy Spirit, unto the ages.    St. Antiochus

family · fun · Orthodoxy · parenting · seasons · Spring

Spring Made Me Do It!

amandasexton2 Comments

Hello…it’s been two months since I posted here.  I’ve missed you.  I thought I would just drop by and post an update on  the happenings around here.  Truth is, I really enjoy writing and sharing on a regular basis.  My mom suggested that I just pop by whenever I get a hankering to write, even if it is just a few sentences. Maybe she is on to something. 🙂

  • I am loving the warmer weather.  This winter has been one for the record books.  I have been struggling with a case of postpartum depression, and winter weather seems to make my struggle all the more difficult.  So, I say, bring on SUN, and the thunder, and lightning, and the southerly breezes, and the mid seventies! (OK, I can dream…in reality it’s mid eighties.)
  • Our a/c is out, in fact it has been out for a week.  This is a really big deal around here because on most days our house is a bit on the chilly side, we like to keep it cool.  Everyone says we live in an icebox.  It’s interesting how living with modern conveniences dulls the natural sensations of the changing seasons.  Today, Caroline commented that yesterday the house was cold and today it was really hot.  I said, “That’s Texas in the spring.”  It has been good to go without…to realize that we can.
  • I have been sleep training Sam for the last few nights.  I know this is controversial, but this Mama was just plain tired.  The first night was difficult, but the second night Sam slept for 12 hours straight!  I slept so hard that I woke up with a headache.  We saw some friends of ours this evening when we were out and about, and my girlfriend commented that I looked tan… like I had been on a vacation.  I laughed so hard, I even gave Slade a high five.  I told her that I was so gorgeous thanks to the first six hour stretch of sleep I have had in over a year.
  • The girls and I made a spring bucket list yesterday.  Some things include:

A Greek picnic in the park.
A trip to the Botanical Gardens.
A Texas Rangers baseball game.
A trip to the local Farmer’s Market.
Star Gazing in the backyard.
Strawberry picking.
Pascha weekend with Amma and Pa Glen.
Easter egg hunt.
Rock painting.
Perfect our vanilla cupcake recipe.
Fly kites.
Have a family picture made.
Have a backyard barbecue with a few friends.
Plant our garden.

What a fun list!  What are your plans for the Spring?

  • I am slowly coming around as far as my health goes.  Pregnancies are so hard on me, for what ever reason, God knows.  After this pregnancy I have noticed this place in my heart that feels like a wound, I feel an intense vulnerability.  I am not as strong as I used to be…or should I say strong willed? I hope in some small way I am made perfect in my weakness.
  • I just finished a book entitled People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil.  What a fascinating read for Lent.  Every time I put the book down I vowed to just tell the truth about myself.  It is fascinating to understand the psychology of confession and self examination.  True repentance is the medicine for the sick soul..my sick soul.  And true humility has everything to do with telling the truth.  And it’s ok to be transparent because God is so loving and compassionate.
  • Addy turns 14 tomorrow!  Wow, what a wonderful year we have had.  She is finishing up her online Classical courses and is training for a summer job teaching a teen Zumba class at the gym where we workout!  She is a great dancer, and her instructor is so excited to have her on her team.  She is gearing up for the local rabbit shows, and writing a speech for 4-H roundup.  She debuted her vocal talents at a local eatery last Saturday night with a mean rendition of Make You Feel My Love by Adele…it was karaoke night!  We laughed so hard and had a blast!  I love teenagers…who knew they would be so much fun! May God grant her many years.
  • We spent an entire day last week at St. Arsenius Hermitage cleaning and organizing. It was so nice to be able to spruce things up for Pascha.  Father Gregory placed a new icon in the church courtyard of Jesus with the children.  Another family who came to help planted flowers all around it, and it turned out beautiful.  Father Gregory said that because so many children come to his monastery he would like to have a special icon for them.  My mom and sister-in-law came to help as well, and we cleaned like nuns!  🙂  It was a great day.
  • Piano lessons are in full swing!  I am so happy for Caroline.  She loves to play the piano, and I believe the new teacher is just what she needs.  I like hard nosed piano teachers!
  • Sam is sitting up, and rolling over, and saying dada, and being as wonderful as ever.  He has my heart.  He is ALL boy!
  • Elinor told me the other day, “Mama, I don’t like to pray.”  I said, “You don’t?”  She replied, “No, I will just say Saint Helen pray for me in my bed.”  With that she exited the laundry room as if she had just signed a treaty.  She makes me smile!
  • Sophia is spending the week with Amma and Pa Glen.  She is away from home without her older sisters for the first time.  I know she is having a blast, but she misses us, too.  She is at that stage where the older girls are just a bit too old, and Elinor is just a bit too young.  It’s hard, this business of growing up.

Well, I could go on and on, but it’s late and I need to take advantage of the sleep Sam is giving me.  I hope your Spring is filled with life!  

I pray for Good Strength for the rest of our Lenten journey. Below is a quote that I am chewing on…enjoy.

Nothing is more opposed to God than pride, for self-deification is concealed in it, its own nothingness or sin. Thus more than anything humility is acceptable to God, which considers itself nothing, and attributes all goodness, honor, and glory to God alone. Pride does not accept grace, because it is full of itself, while humility easily accepts grace, because it is free from itself, and from all that is created. God creates out of nothing. As long as we think that we can offer something of ourselves, He does not begin His work in us. Humility is the salt of virtue. As salt gives flavor to food, so humility gives perfection to virtue. Without salt, food goes bad easily, and without humility, virtue is easily spoiled by pride, vainglory, impatience – and it perishes. There is a humility which a man gains by his own struggles: knowing his own insufficiency, accusing himself for his failings, not allowing himself to judge others. And there is a humility into which God leads a man through the things that happen to him: allowing him to experience afflictions, humiliations, and deprivations.  St. Philaret of Moscow

faith · home tour · Orthodoxy · seasons · winter

The Winter of My Discontent

amandasexton9 Comments

Have you ever been discontented with where you live? Or life in general?  Winter is good at that, by exposing the bones of a place.  Winter lays everything bare, and sometimes it is just a little too raw for me.  The sun even shines brighter in the winter, it is a fierce light.  It’s as if everything is on display, but naked.  Like the heavenly bodies are shining a bright light on the nakedness of the earth.  I get an itch in the winter that I cannot scratch, a sort of discontentment.  So today I took my camera with me when we ventured out for burgers and a coke for my birthday.  I thought I might see if I could capture the beauty of winter in Texas.  I thought I might look at my neighborhood and see if I could find contentment, even in the winter.  
I was not disappointed.
 As I look at these pictures I am overwhelmed by the good.  
This is my neighborhood…my home.  I get to live here.
And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good.
Maybe the secret is in the looking, really seeing, beholding.

Someone asked Abba Anthony, “What must one do in order to please God?”  The old man replied, “Pay attention to what I tell you: whoever you may be, always have God before your eyes; whatever you do, do it according to the testimony of the holy Scriptures; in whatever place you live, do not leave it.  Keep these three precepts and you will be saved.”

The Sayings of the Desert Fathers