I married when I was eighteen, and four days later my husband and I hopped on a plane headed for Honduras, Central America, to work as missionaries on the small island of Roatan.  My parents and two brothers were not far behind us, all of us together, stepping out in faith to serve God and others the best way we knew how.  In the days leading up to the missionary journey my mom and dad planned a beautiful wedding for my husband and me, and they also systematically sold or gave away EVERYTHING they owned.  I was still living at home, and I saw my room empty, a little at a time, one trinket and garment at a time. Cars, furniture, dishes, appliances, tools, all of it…gone.  When everything was done my family was driven to the airport by a close family member with everything we owned packed in six suitcases.  I stored my wedding gifts, but everything else was gone.  Slade and I had two packed suitcases to our name.

I cannot exactly describe the impact that this emptying had on me.  When I read the stories of the saints who gave away all they owned I can sort of relate.  Of course, my journey did not continue in this way, but I do know what it feels like to own practically nothing.  I also know what it feels like to give away a life, to leave a certain kind of life for one that is completely different all because you want to serve God or someone else.  It’s not as romantic as you may think.

I remember those early years of marriage, and sometimes now when I set in my beautiful home filled with pretty things I cry.  I cry because I know the joy of giving far outweighs receiving, and I wonder if my knowing makes me more responsible.  What I have seen with my eyes, people who are joyful in severe poverty, people who love God, living in a cardboard shack on the edge of the dump, uneducated people who love their children and keep dirt floors impeccably clean and worship even though they cannot read and wash there clothes by the sea and share even though they have nothing and struggle with preventable illnesses and walk to church and try to give strangers the pictures off their walls just because they mentioned it was pretty.  See, my crying is not because these people I saw were suffering, it is because they were joyful.

In America our excess makes us sad.  However, the Church provides for the spiritual bliss of both the rich and poor.  Almsgiving connects these two peoples in a very genuine and real way.  One gives and the other receives only to discover that the giver receives and the receiver gives.

So, how do we open this world up to our children?  I have narrowed down three areas that I think make it introduce and train children to be almsgivers. Please remember that we are all sinners, and the things I share are the deep beliefs and convictions of my heart.  That does not mean that we live this out perfectly, it only means we are trying and failing and trying again…over and over and over.

Three ways I teach heartfelt almsgiving to my children:

• Radical Sharing
• Daily Chores
• Counting Our Blessings

Radical Sharing
From the start a child enters the world as a part of a whole.  He is a part of a family, a part of a community, a part of the world.  Children are not autonomous, they do not have the ability to act freely or care for themselves.  They arrive with needs, and they must be cared for.  A child literally could not survive without the giving of others, they are dependent.  In this way a child is always in a humble position, and it is in this way that I think children should remain in their place.  It is the same position we are all in with God.  We are completely dependent on his care and therefore we should approach God in humility and repentance, this is the Orthodox way.  Children are not to be disrespected, neglected, or treated unkindly.  Exactly the opposite; they should always be loved and love sacrificially.  However, in the secular world the example of Christ and His love for us is not the model.  What we have today is child worship, along with a strangely mixed cocktail of neglect, abuse, overindulgence, and hate.  Yes, I said it…hate.  This world is becoming less and less friendly toward children, all the while claiming to put children first.  Its a weird dichotomy that I have not figured out.  But, enough of my soap boxing.  Back to sharing.

It is with this belief that I approach sharing.  If something belongs to my children it is because my husband and I gave it to them, or some other person gave it to them.  For example, why is it wrong for children to share bedrooms and toys, as if this giving will harm the child’s identity or self-awareness or boundaries.  This kind of thinking is not Christian.   The bedroom and toy do not belong to the child, they do not own the bedroom or toy.  These things are blessings, gifts, luxuries that took the sacrifice of another to provide.  To share them is the very heart of almsgiving.  If a person realizes that ALL he/she has belongs to God, the act of almsgiving becomes and remains joyful.  However, if the mantra is, “Mine, Mine, Mine” the joy of giving is clouded and diminished.

Through sharing children learn to let go of their iron fist grip on “stuff.”  It is difficult to teach a child to share, and even more so as they grow older, especially if as a youngster they were spoiled and overindulged.  Sharing is the first step to learning how to give.  What can children share?  Everything.  Toys, space, bedrooms, clothes, food, pets, attention, and much more.  Older children can share as well.  Their privacy needs increase, and I always keep that in mind.  However, the teen years can become a nightmare if the the young adult is not required to share.  Parents must discern and let the teen grow, but we do not have to accommodate selfishness and pride.

To teach a child that he/she is a part of a whole, a part of a family, and that the very nature of family demands sharing is crucial to the child’s ability to learn and grow in almsgiving.  Over time I believe that the joy of sharing can and will be discovered.  Sharing proclaims to the world that all we have belongs to God, therefore all we have can be shared.

Daily Chores
Work is a true act of giving, especially if it is done for the sake of the whole.  When children are brought up to share their stuff, it is easier for them to share the load.  Think about it.  We adults have to share in the work load of this world.  There are many things that must be done, and we all have to do our part.  And sometimes we have to do for others because they are unable to do for themselves.

The home is a great place to learn this.  When children are given a share in the work load they become aware of the needs of the whole.  I especially see this when chores outside of cleaning their own room, or making their own bed, or things that solely pertain to them are given.  When the chores began to include folding laundry that doesn’t belong to them, or washing dishes that they did not use, or dressing a younger sibling, or cleaning a bathroom that everyone uses my children began to mature and become more giving.

Right now I am completely dependent on my husband and children to care for me and this house, and honestly we have not had alot of drama over this.  Sure there have been days when everyone feels stretched to the limit and attitudes reflect that.  But, all in all I am amazed at the level of skill and diligence that my girls have demonstrated.  They are also compassionate and loving when I know they are tired and stretched.  Not always, but most of the time.  The house has kept running, we are a team, we are all part of a whole.  When someone on that team is unable to do for themselves it is up to the others on that team to carry the burden.  To me this is family.  To me this is almsgiving.

Soup kitchens and shelters and mission trips and volunteering are chore oriented, but they have glory attached to them.  This kind of almsgiving is definitely crucial and meaningful, but small things are where we learn to do things in secret.  Like changing your little sister’s dirty diaper and cooing with her while you do it.  Nobody is watching, only God sees, and this is true almsgiving.  When a child’s heart is broken in the right way his/her service at the soup kitchen or shelter is genuine.  It is based on previous training that has shaped a worldview of service, sharing, and burden baring.  I saw this over and over again in the years my husband and I were youth pastors.  The children who were trained at home were the ones who cried their eyes out on mission trips when confronted with poverty and disease.  They saw things differently, and they worked the hardest.  I try to train my children to bare a portion of the family burden, to see their value in their service to others.  In this way work and chores can be joyful.

Count Our Blessings
Is it really a blessing to be a part of a family that practices radical sharing and daily chores?  Well, I think so, but sometimes my kiddos don’t see the benefit.  That’s ok…they are children.  However, I sense a sort of contentedness in my children that many kids lack.  They are not little saints, always happy to work or share, but down deep I can see true happiness.  I see a kind of self esteem that is genuine and peaceful.  I really think, without them knowing it, my children have learned true happiness through sharing and work.  They know that they are valuable, not as objects of worship, but as individuals with certain God-given talents and abilities that contribute to the health and happiness of the whole.

Serving others is the key in helping children feel connected and not alone, it makes them feel that they are needed and matter to others.  My kids matter to me outside of what they do for me, but I know the look in their eyes when they serve me a glass of ice water when they know I cannot make it myself.  I know how they bounce around when they have completed their chores and everything feels orderly and peaceful and good.  I have seen them take a younger sibling in their arms to comfort and console, and when the younger snuggles up and settles down the older feels loved and valued and cherished.  This is the joy that a giver receives.  This is the love that the receiver receives.  It is the foundation of all relationship and fellowship.  It is communion lived out.

Almsgiving is the recognition of true blessings and sharing those blessings with another person.  All the sacrifice and work and sharing become the joy of the giver’s heart.  I would like to end this VERY long post with something I wrote on another post:

Almsgiving is not exclusively about money…in its deepest since it is about mercy, a kind of pity that breaks the heart of the giver. It just so happens that money is a readily available resource. But one is reminded of the apostle’s words, “Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give I thee.” Even those who have no currency are still expected to give what we have been given and give with a broken heart full of mercy and joy, and that is not a religious mandate or a sterile practice. It is life giving.

If the foundation is laid, giving money will be as natural as cleaning a toilet or feeding a pet.  It all belongs to God, everything.  Our time, our talent, and our treasure.  And this is what I call Home Schooling.  It all begins at home.

After writing the Prayer in Action post, I wanted to touch on a few details about prayer that I keep in my mind and heart as I homeschool my children.

• Why is prayer the most important part of our homeschool?
• What are our obstacles to prayer?
• Going slow: attentiveness and attention.

Why is prayer the most important part of our homeschool?  I think this can be summed up rather quickly for me.  It is because prayer is, and I quote Abba Pimen, ” [where] we unite to God with our minds.”  There is a popular classical homeschool resource entitled The Well Trained Mind.  It is interesting to note that nowhere in that how-to book is prayer mentioned.  If Christ is the perfect man, body and soul, and prayer is the way that I unite with Him, why do I assume that the mind is not best placed in His hands?  Cannot God form the man in a way that does not diminish him/her in ANY way?  Acquiring  the mind of Christ IS the ultimate education.  I have nothing to fear.  Will my children be prepared for the real world, I ask?  Absolutely.  This is the Orthodox faith, this is our belief.

What are our obstacles in prayer?  The greatest obstacle in prayer for me is unbelief.  I do not believe fully that prayer is life.  Sadly, I believe algebra and Great Books, and dictation, and handwriting, and math facts, and histories, and art projects are more essential to the training of my child’s mind.  This is what I myself realize about homeschooling as an Orthodox Christian: I as the parent must believe.  When I do not, I must struggle to believe.  I must pray myself, and open my heart to Christ.  I must be in this world, but not of this world.  Distractions will indefinitely present themselves, but how I handle the distractions is what really matters.  Like the long phone conversations with my mother in the mornings, or the quick check of my email that turns into a sink whole, or how I schedule outside activities, or how I skip the third hour prayers in favor of finishing one last long division problem.  That does not even include the distractions of my mind and body, the worry, the fatigue, the stress, the shopping, and cooking, and cleaning, and disciplining…the list is limitless.  But, in the midst, prayer is still the most important thing, even when I fail and struggle.  I want  my children to see me struggle and keep going.  I want to bring them on this journey with me.

Going slow: attentiveness.  Prayer is not a race to the finish or a box I can check off.  Like, whew, that task is complete.  Prayer is life.  That means that I try to always keep in mind that I and my children should try to connect to the words we are praying.  This demands that we go slow.  Better to have shorter prayers and attentiveness than longer ones and distraction.  Standing before the icons silently for a minute or two before we pray helps.  Memorization through repetition helps.  Discussing certain prayers and what they mean helps.  Going slow is very helpful.  There is something to be said for just saying the prayers and forming habit, and this is definitely part of making prayer the top priority. But ultimately, I desire that my children connect to God, not just say their prayers.  How this exactly happens in their minds and hearts is a mystery, but I do know that being attentive is something that we must practice and practice and practice.

In the end, I must trust and believe.  God can and will provide.  I would like to conclude with a comment I received in a previous post on the subject of Orthodox Homeschooling:

Now that I have kids in college I can say that making the Church calendar our most important calendar was the wisest choice I made. If our kids don’t acquire the phronema then all other educational endeavors won’t matter. The mind of Christ is all we really need. A friend once told me that the most important thing we can teach our children is to pray, especially the Jesus prayer. She said God will enlighten us or reveal to us everything we need to know, when we need to know it, if our minds are full of prayer.
We acquire the mind of Christ organically not through any one set of “classes” but through prayer. St Gregory of Palamas was a great defender of prayer as being the way of acquiring wisdom and knowledge yet he was very educated himself.
You have put in words what I have known in my heart but wondered if my convictions were wrong because there was no boxes to checkoff or schedules to keep that would say ‘yes your kids are learning what they need to learn’
I still have a truck load of kids to get through home schooling and yes I am trying my best to teach them to read, write, and do math but as a less stressed mom wondering if they are getting it.

(BTW we have not perfected prayer by any means, just the understanding that prayer is the one thing needful.) ”

Now that I have given a little background on my experience and homeschool outlook, let’s get down to to the where the rubber meats the road.  It’s fine and good to have these ethereal dreams and beliefs, but some thing has to be done, or this belief is worth nothing.

I highly recommend that you visit this website and read two posts on prayer.
Our Aim in Prayer
and
The Rule of Prayer

Quoting from the second article, I would like to begin this post with a confession.  Here is the quote:

“It is so easy to find people in the Church who will read and study a lot, and show great zeal in doing external works.  However, it is so hard to find people who will take time to struggle to pray. Why is this so?

The Elder Ephraim was once asked this question and immediate he said, “Yes, yes”; in this way confirming that this is absolutely true and then he went on to say:

Abba Pimen says that prayer is the most difficult of all virtues to acquire.  In prayer we free our minds from all the distractions of this world and we touch God with our minds.  In prayer we unite to God with our minds.  And the devil hates this therefore he does all that he can to stop us from accomplishing this.  In prayer we must concentrate on God, we must turn away from all thoughts and distractions and immerse our minds in God.”

My confession is that I struggle very hard with prayer.  I am one of those people who likes to study and read, but I struggle when it comes to prayer.  The truth is that we have had a very rocky road when it comes to establishing this cornerstone of our homeschool life.  There are mornings when we get up late, and in my foolishness I will skip prayers in favor of chores, breakfast, and sadly just so we can start real school.

In fact, it seems that on the mornings when we skip prayers and scripture readings our day goes better.  How strange is that?  But, in the above articles I think the author alludes to why this is so, “…the devil fights against us most at that time so then we must be persistent.”  Not diminishing the fact that I am to blame, however I we have an enemy.  And he fights us when we pray.

This is where planning is so crucial, and I think very necessary.  With a plan we can persist, and we can continue to practice prayer.  It’s our Rule of Prayer.  I start with the day- just one day isolated and looked at in its fullness.   Prayer is the cornerstone, the most important thing we will do in the day, therefore I put prayer before anything else on the schedule.  This does not ensure that I will treat prayer as the most important daily work, but it does keep me accountable, and reminds me to keep trying.  Here are a few tips that help ensure that I pray with my children .

1. Establish a waking time for myself.  This is crucial for prayer.  In the evening prayers we pray, “Raise me up again in proper time that I may sing my morning hymn.”  In proper time....  For me, this has always been a semi- early waking time.  I strongly desire a time alone before the children get up.  I like to pray my personal prayers, read the daily readings, and have my coffee.  I also like to get breakfast started and start some laundry.  7 AM is a good time for me.
2. Establish a waking time for the children.  Considering the different age groups in our house, and the fact that we are adding a new addition in a few days, it has always worked for us that the children all get up at the same time.  That means that I do not require a very early waking time for kiddos.  Between 8 and 8:30 is good.
3. Determine our Scripture reading and lives of saints study method.  I have used many, but what has stuck with us is to read scripture together before we leave the breakfast table, during lunch we read the lives of the saints- feed the body and soul at the same time.  Make the connection.  I have used all  kinds of materials to do this.  Right now I am planning to read the Old Testament throughout this year.  We will see how this goes.  The littles might abandon us, but as long as they linger and hear, maybe playing with blocks on the kitchen floor or play dough at the counter, that is good enough for me.   Also, I have abandoned the short snippet stories of the saints for this season in favor of books that go deeper into the life and piety of a saint.  I ask my spiritual father for suggestions in this area, and he is always spot on as far as the books he suggests.
4. Make sure to plan evening prayers even though the school day is over.  My husband usually leads these prayers using A Prayer Book for Orthodox Christians.  And then our day of prayer is finished.  I encourage the children to say there own prayers before they fall asleep.

Note:  The website Orthodox Prayer, linked above, is really a wonderful place to learn about prayer.  It has examples, explanations, and articles that are truly helpful.