family · fun · poetry · seasons

In Flanders Fields

Van Gogh, Field of Poppies
 In Flanders Fields
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.  
John McCrae, May 1915
May everyone have a blessed Memorial Day as we honor those who gave so much.  And to those who are serving…to their families.  Thank you.

faith · fall · family · food · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · nutrition · seasons · Spring · summer · winter

The Farmer

To all those farmers praying for rain…
Who make a living, or not, depending on forces out of their control…
To my brother, who as a child the farmers would call and say, “Ask Josh to pray for rain.”  And it would.
To all the animals who search for food and shelter in this hard drought…
To men and women who leave clean and come home dirty…
To my grandfather, who died tragically doing what he loved…farming.
To those who fill my tummy from the work of their hands…
To God who established seed time and harvest, and who makes all things grow, and who knows best.
Thank you.  
faith · family · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · saints

Cancer is a Scary Word


Cancer is a scary word…a word that evokes dread.  It is a heavy word.  It’s like in the Lord of the Rings when those who spoke of the Dark Lord used his various names with caution and trepidation.  I hate even saying the word. It is a disease of uncontrolled division of abnormal cells. Sounds like our world…a world that rejects communion, love of enemy, and oneness. 

A world that sees health as primarily physical... 

It is scientifically official.  You are what you eat…and breath…and touch.

I recently watched a short documentary about a Babushka that has lived her entire life in the Siberian wilderness.  Her father took the family into seclusion when she was just a baby to escape communist persecution. She is now in her seventies, the last member her family still living.  The wise woman described communism as the great science…the soul crushing science. 

 The modern answer to disease is soul crushing.

Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man, but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man. 

These are my thoughts as I pray for my Mema, recently diagnosed with a malignant Melanoma.  It is black and ulcerated and ugly. So many questions swirl around as we talk as a family about treatment plans and prognosis.  It’s like shooting a shotgun…hoping the spread pattern hits the target.  There are a thousand ways to treat cancer…like pellets in a shotgun.
My heart is with my mother…she is aiming the gun.

We say it is our environment, the water, the air, the soil.  We live in an environment that creates disease.  We are connected to it in a very real way, and no matter how much we try to separate from the toxins we cannot be assured completely…because we are a part of this world.  In a culture that denies the unseen, I find it difficult to identify with the scientific environmentalists.  Our world may be killing us, but it is our sin that makes the world toxic.
I am wondering about the soul and cancer and our world and how we are none exempt.  I am praying for the men and woman who are trained physicians, that care for the sick and suffering.  I am humbled.

I pray with Saint Panteleimon, a trained physician who healed in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 



O Champion and Martyr of God,
imitating the Merciful and bearing from Him the grace of healing,
cure our spiritual ills by your prayers,
and set free from the temptation of the eternal enemy,those who ceaselessly cry out, “Save us, O Lord.”

Below is a homily that I read this morning at Orthodox Way of Life.  Very comforting for those facing a life threatening disease.

  


Homily by St.Nicholas Velimirovic

“Do not be afraid of anything that you are going to suffer. Remain faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life” (Revelation 2:10). 

By His suffering our Lord eased our suffering. He endured the greatest of pain and emerged as the Victor. That is why He can encourage us in our lesser sufferings. He suffered and endured in righteousness while we suffer and endure in expiating our own sins. This is why He can doubly remind us to endure to the end as He, the Sinless One, endured. Not one of us has helped nor alleviated His pains and endurance, yet He stands along side each one of us when we suffer and alleviates our pains and misfortunes. That is why He has the right to tell each one who suffers for His Name’s sake: “Do not be afraid! Do not be afraid of anything that you are going to suffer,” says Christ, for I alone have endured all suffering and am familiar with them. I was not frightened at not a single suffering. I received them upon Myself and, in the end, overcame them all. I did not overcome them by dismissing them or fleeing from them but receiving them all upon Myself voluntarily and enduring them all to the end. And so you also should accept voluntary suffering, for I see and know how much and for how long you can endure. 

If your suffering should continue to death itself and if it is the cause of your death, nevertheless, do not be afraid; “I will give you the crown of life.” I will crown you with immortal life in which I reign eternally with the Father and the Life-Giving Spirit. God did not send you to earth to live comfortably, rather to prepare for eternal life. It would be a great tragedy if your Creator were unable to give you a better, longer, and brighter life than that which is on earth which reeks of decay and death and is shorter than the life of a raven. 

O my brethren, let us listen to the words of the Lord and all of our sufferings will be alleviated. If the blows of the world seem as hard as stones, they will become as the foam of the sea when we obey the Lord. 

O Victorious Lord, teach us more about Your long-suffering; and when we become exhausted, extend Your hand and sustain us.

family · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · kids · learning · motherhood · parenting

Caring for a Sensitive Baby

It is 4 AM.  I know my husband has to get up for work soon, but I cannot help it.  As I crawl back in bed I begin to cry, and I tell him, “I cannot hold that baby anymore tonight.”  He replies, “Do you want me to rock him?”  The tears are coming down hard now.  “It won’t do any good, but you can if you want.”  In his slow and quiet way I feel Slade get up.  I pick up the monitor and listen, a rustle and then the crying stops.  And that is all I heard.  When Slade comes back to bed he warns me, “Don’t expect to sleep long.  He was tense. I am amazed he is asleep.”  I have no idea what time it is as we drift off to sleep, I have no idea how our conversation drifted off as well.  I do remember saying, “My skin hurts.”

This morning Slade said with a big grin on his face, “So, he slept from five until seven.”  I snapped back, “That’s after being awake from three until five.”  I snap back at Slade a lot these days.  Oh how I want to be more patient.  You would think after five kids I would know how to manage my emotions under pressure.  And I am more patient than when I was at twenty-two.  But I am not perfect.

Sleep is by far the hardest struggle when it comes to caring for a sensitive baby. I used to tell people that I could do anything in the day as long as I got good sleep at night.  Well, I am still that girl…that woman….that mom who needs a fair amount of sleep.  It would be easier if I didn’t, but I do.

Know thyself,
Accept thyself,
Better thyself.

Caring for Sam is a difficult job, I have even called him a difficult baby. If you have or have had a difficult baby-you KNOW it! If you have never experienced a difficult baby you may be offended by my label.  Just know this, Sam is not a bad baby.  He is what he is, and we love him the way he is.  He brings more joy to our lives than he does hardship.  In a very real way I am thankful I have a baby like Sam. I have had two very difficult babies out of the five, and I can honestly say the two of them have made me a better mother all around.  My struggles with Sam are not really about making him act a certain way (although I do try) or be something he is not…my struggles are with stamina, and consistency, and most of all patience.

Below is a list of characteristics of my sensitive boy.  Maybe you can identify.  Here is the reason I need stamina, consistency, and patience…always more patience.

  • The crying. Sam cries a lot.  And the cry is not a whimper or normal cry, it is high pitched and LOUD!  (My older girls call it the Nazgul scream.)  

  • The feeding.  Non- nutritional sucking is very important to a sensitive baby.  This can be very draining for mom, and misunderstood by those who think you are creating this situation by nursing too much.  I disagree that nursing frequently makes sensitive infants worse.  It is hard to satisfy a sensitive baby, but I do not think nursing frequently is to blame for highly demanding infants.  Sam also had what I call the on/off syndrome.  While nursing he was on, off, on, off, on, off.  This makes public nursing a challenge.  Bottle feeding is also frequent, and Sam does not eat much in one sitting.

  • The energy.  His fists are almost always clenched.  He bows his back, and his muscles feel tense like he is on go most of the time. It is difficult to hold him because of this.  Sometimes Sam will be jumping up and down in my lap, bowing his back into a back bend, diving for the floor, and hitting me with his fists, and I think He wants down.  So, I set him on the floor or in his jumper and he screams uncontrollably. So I pick him back up, and we start the process over again.  This goes on for most of his waking hours.  Most of the time I just go through the up and down routine with the hope that he will set alone for a few minutes.  Sometimes he does, but most often he does not.  By the end of the day my skin feels like someone has rubbed me down with coarse sand paper, and my muscles are sore.

  • The sleep.  It seems that for sensitive babies sleep is the most difficult.  Sam does not have the ability to calm himself or comfort himself.  He is very sensitive to noise and light as well.  When he wakes at night he can be almost inconsolable.  Nap times are hit and miss, sometimes he rests well (1-2 hours) and other times he may only sleep 30 minutes at a time.  Elinor, my other sensitive child, did not sleep through the night consistently until she was two years old.

  • The aggression.  Sam loves to growl, babble loudly, laugh loudly, scream and squeal, jump, hit, bang, scratch, pull, crawl everywhere, tear paper, dive, be tossed in the air, rock, on and on he goes.  On the flip side this makes for some fun times.  He also loves people, and can connect easily with others.  But after holding Sam for a while you might feel as if you have just gone 12 rounds with Mike Tyson.  It’s intense.

  • The routine.  My first three babies loved their routine, and thrived on it.  Sam is different.  He eats, poops, sleeps, and plays at different times.  This is hard to manage, but a blessing as well.  He is somewhat adaptable to our schedule, but he gets over stimulated easily with all the activity in and out of the house.  When I first experienced a baby that I could not put on a schedule I thought it was my fault….that I was unorganized and undisciplined.  I have come to realize that I am a responder mother, and the lack of scheduling with Sam is in response to him.  
I saw a blurb on the internet that read Cultures Where Babies Seldom Cry.  I was curious, and I clicked. And I admit I shouldn’t have…it did not help things at all. After reading the article I felt frustrated to no end.  I am NOT African, or whatever other culture where the mothers do everything right.  I am an American…does that make me a bad mother?  They say we are too self identified, and we don’t breastfeed right, or hold our babies right, or (and this one hurts the most) we do not connect deeply with our babies. I admit that I have questioned myself in all of these areas...is this the reason Sam is so difficult?  I have even asked my husband if he thinks I am causing this.  In the end I know in my heart that even if it is somewhat true, that Sam is only acting out my bad mothering, well it’s all I got.  I am doing my best.  And each day I get up, and I love him another day. I give myself to him, all my children, my family…my whole self.
Down deep I know that Sam is a healthy and happy baby, full of life and energy and zest. I have done nothing wrong.  I just need to keep plugging away, and hopefully not get lost in my exhaustion.  I want to be in the moment…not wishing the moments away.
As an older mother I live with this knowledge…and I tell myself…Mandy, you are going to miss this.  You’re gonna want this back.  You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast.
These are some good times.  

Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.                                          1 Timothy 2:15

family · fun · kids · parenting

Sophie the Feminist & Cage Fighters

We were riding along in the car the other afternoon, and Sophia (8 years old) made a comment in response to a discussion we were having about boys.  She said, “Yeah, but, girls are smarter than boys.”

Addy turned to me and said, “I think Sophie is the biggest feminist out of all of us.”

Sophie chimed in from the back of the Suburban, “What is a feminist?”

“It’s a person who thinks girls are better than boys, or who thinks girls can do anything boys can do.”  Addy tried to explain in a way that Sophie could understand.  I think she underestimates her sister.

“Well, girls are smarter than boys because when boys grow up they want to be cage fighters,” Sophie protested.

“There are girl cage fighters too, Sophie.” Caroline joined the conversation with a fact.

Sophie was still adamant, “If a girl wants to be a cage fighter then she’s just weird.”

Cage fighter…that’s how I would describe a feminist.  Yep, that’s it…cage fighter.
Disclaimer: This post is meant in a good spirit of fun…although a bit sarcastic. 

Not……
cooking · faith · family · food · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · marriage · motherhood · Orthodoxy

Bright Week

We made it!  That’s what I keep thinking as I am cleaning out the fridge..all the leftover fasting dishes going to the scraps.  (We have a septic system which means no garbage disposal.)  I hope the neighborhood dogs like veggies in the scrap pile…hehe!

 I emptied containers of bean salad, coleslaw, a bit of refried beans, orzo pasta with artichokes and capers, and I was doing pretty good until I came upon a container of hummus.  The site of that evoked an emotional response.  I am sick of hummus!  And then a few minutes later I was half tempted to eat the last little bit for lunch.  I guess in a way it’s hard for this to be over.  So much of Lent revolves around the kitchen, and an Orthodox kitchen is truly a spiritual place.  So much of the Christian faith is centered in the home.

And on that thought…

Lisa A shared a series of talks on her blog entitled  The Good Wife: Five Lectures on the Christian Ideal.
The first lecture is free, and the remaining are only $10 for the complete download.  Well worth the donation!

The Christian ideal of womanhood is beautiful.  I have been thinking this week about brightening up my home, and then I saw this over at OCN… 

BRIGHT WEEK- the week after Lent in which we continue to practice the spiritual values we gained over the last 40 days.

I thought, “What spiritual values did I gain over the last forty days?”  What values must I practice to brighten our lives…our home? I can think of several.

Patience
Humility that calms anger
Kindness
Less talking
and most of all…
Consistency

I hope your Bright Week is exceptional.  How are you recouping, feasting, and practicing?  
Our Bright Week has been good so far.
Monday we had steaks from the grill.  Tuesday we went to vespers at the hermitage and shared a meal with the small community that is forming there. (So excited about that.)  Today we went to the park, and I am grilling hamburgers for dinner.  Thursday I hope I can get in my garden and plant a few things.  Friday Addy is going to a homeschool prom party!  Caroline is spending the night with her best friend.  Slade, the littles, and I are having ice cream sundaes.  The weekend is full with piano recital practice and St. Thomas Sunday.  
What are your plans for Bright Week?  Anything special?

faith · family · learning · Orthodoxy

Pascha Joy

I got the call early in the week.  It was my mother, and she told me that the two chanters at her very small Greek parish in Wichita Falls were going to be out of town on Holy Saturday and Pascha.  I knew what was coming next, and I was terrified.

“If we cannot find anyone to fill in would you and the girls be willing to help?”

Last year we traveled to my mother’s parish for Pascha, and we were going again this year.  My sweet mother had arranged all of it.  Last year our whole family was together; my parents, grandmother, two brothers and their wives, our nephew, and us.  We all stayed at a hotel and went to services together.  It was wonderful, and I was so looking forward to this again.  And then the call… the request that immediately changed my relaxed anticipation into fear.

I said yes.  I could have said no.  But, somehow I sensed that this was a wonderful gift our family could give Jesus for Pascha.  I wanted to give Him a gift by helping the Church in Wichita Falls.  I love my mother’s church, a country church with no pretensions.  Cradle Orthodox tell me all the time that I know more about the faith than they do.  This comment makes me cringe.  I want to tell them, “What does knowing have to do with anything?  You are here, you have always been here, in the Church, living and breathing the life of the Church.  I am nothing.” That’s how I feel about this little church in West Texas that has held on to the faith in not so friendly conditions. It humbles me. It also amazes me, the care that Christ has for His Church, even very small churches in the middle of nowhere.  No domes, no choir or traditional chanters, not even traditional icons.  However, the heart of the Church is Christ, and He is everywhere present.  He lives in the people who sing the joyous Paschal hymns.

I spent all of Holy Week preparing for the services of Holy Saturday and Sunday.  My whole family pitched in, and it stretched us.  We are in no way professional singers or chanters.  However, we know enough to sing.  And I have learned that we all know enough to sing!  Every Orthodox Christian can and must sing Pascha! It is in the sweet melodies of the heart that Christ is hymned, remembered, worshiped, and glorified.

I had many plans for cleaning, cooking, and preparing for Pascha.  But, all of those plans were let go as I prepared for the real Pascha. Let us now lay aside all earthly cares.  There is something very wonderful about stretching oneself beyond the limits of knowledge and ability.  It is truly in our weakness that we can experience the righteousness of Christ.  It is when we feel that we cannot go on that we learn to lean on the one who can and does go on…unto the Ages of Ages.  I remember Abraham who did not lose his faith as he considered the weakness of his flesh….

And being not weak in faith, he considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sara’s womb. Romans 4:19 

As Adalay and I set out very early on Saturday morning for the two hour trek to Holy Cross in Wichita Falls, I prayed once again, “Lord please send just one Greek lady that knows the special hymns in Greek, and Lord please receive my song, however off tune and choppy it sounds.  I am just a baby, and I feel very vulnerable.”

And God provided.  Out of the congregation He provided.  He provided a wonderful woman visiting from Dallas that was once a choir director in San Antonio, she sang the special hymns in Greek.  An elderly gentlemen whose wife is dying with cancer came and sang Gladsome Light in Greek, and as the tears rolled down his cheeks I thought, “This is the Church.” My daughter, Adalay, sang her heart out, and was moved by her participation.  I could sense the work being done in her heart. Caroline helped her daddy with Samuel and the littles.  It was a team effort,a family effort.  This Pascha was so moving, my best so far as a convert.  It was not the most put together, and I have definitely been more prepared and polished in the past, but it was the most real.  It seemed that this Pascha made all things new.

And as we drove home, our bellies full of the lamb from the spit and baklava, I looked at  my car loaded up with all the goodies that the wonderful women of Holy Cross baked and gave to us, I saw all the Easter eggs, I saw all the bags and blankets and pillows, and I smiled.  I watched my bobble headed kiddos sleep, too tired to talk but oh so happy. I felt very full, full of joy.

We drove home in the rain, much needed rain. The day just kept getting better.

My brother called me at 10:00 Sunday night, and he said, “Well sis, Jesus sent a flood on Pascha.”  He said he had never seen it rain so hard, and that he had gone out in his front yard and looked up and cried with thanks.  We are in exceptional drought, the kind of drought that makes farmers and ranchers panic, and cities scramble to provide for citizens, and lakes dry up completely. Scary drought.  But, Jesus sent a flood on Pascha.  It will not cure the drought, but it is our hope.  Rain does still fall from the sky.

Pascha is a flood!  Pascha is like a flood in a drought!  Christ is the rain for every parched heart.  He is risen, and His flood washes away our sicknesses, our burdens, our sin.  We worship His third day resurrection.

My friend and I spoke on the phone this morning, sharing Pascha stories…Pascha joy.  She told me, “I cannot believe I have to wait another year to do this again.”  I thought later, “You don’t.”  Pascha is our present, an eternal present, and eternal feast of joy!