Category: faith

faith · homeschooling · learning · Orthodoxy · saints

Saint Katherine of Alexandria

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Today as I was reading with my 7 year old (8 in a few days) and doing some copywork I began to panic.  Is she behind?  It has only been this year that she has showed any interest in reading or writing.  Sometimes I think I have been too lax with her.  And then I watch her, and I listen to her, and I redirect my fear, and I trust.
 
She has a wisdom beyond her years, and she has a very tender heart toward God.  She is quiet and peaceful, and she has an aura about her that makes me want to be around her.  Although she is quiet she  can have a great conversation, and she asks tons of questions about the world.  

And those things count.

Today as we celebrate the Feast of Saint Katherine I am reminded that true education always enlightens the soul.  Saint Katherine loved learning, especially science and philosophy.  Yet she had a mind that was renewed by Christ, and it was this enlightening that made her orations so powerful.  She was wise, and the people who listened to her heard something this world cannot offer.  They were drawn to her knowledge, yes, but it was a knowledge full of truth, teeming with life.    

The one dimensional aspects of education are easy to teach, but wisdom comes from God.  I want to raise brilliant children, children who are enlightened with divine brilliance.  I pray that we can stifle the nonsensical chatter of this world as we live in it.  Lord help me to remember this as I educate my children.

Happy Feast Day, Mom!  We love you, and Many Years.

You led a spiritual life, and thus 
you captivated the godless tribunal, 
and you stood victorious, O Catherine, 
with dignity, decked in divine 
brilliance as if with flowers. And 
having put on the power of God, you 
ridiculed the tyrantʹs decree, and you 
stifled the nonsensical chatter of the 
orators, O holy Martyr who suffered 
much. 
  Service of Matins November 25
faith · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · Orthodoxy

It matters to one.

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“While wandering a deserted beach at dawn, stagnant in my work, I saw a man in the distance bending and throwing as he walked the endless stretch toward me. As he came near, I could see that he was throwing starfish, abandoned on the sand by the tide, back into the sea. When he was close enough I asked him why he was working so hard at this strange task. He said that the sun would dry the starfish and they would die. I said to him that I thought he was foolish. There were thousands of starfish on miles and miles of beach. One man alone could never make a difference. He smiled as he picked up the next starfish. Hurling it far into the sea he said, “It makes a difference for this one.” I abandoned my writing and spent the morning throwing starfish.” 

Let us abandon our normal and spend some time throwing starfish.  Please prayerfully consider helping the victims and survivors of Typhoon Haiyan.  The International Orthodox Christian Charities (IOCC) has a Philippines Typhoon Disaster Fund.  We can also make much needed emergency hygiene kits. It matters to one.  

faith · fall · learning · Orthodoxy · saints

A faith like Saint Martin

amandasexton5 Comments

There is great suffering in this world, and it is hard to take sometimes.  I woke up this morning, Samuel snuggled up close, nursing, contented, safe.  I made myself a cup of tea, prayed, made lists and to-do’s.  Warm Cream of Wheat filled bowls and everyone is well, clean, plump, happy.  I said thank you over and over.

In my heart I feel a swell of hurt sometimes.   It’s only a thought away, my mind wonders onto the suffering of others and instantly I feel a weight…the true weight of this world.  Death and suffering are all around us, we do not have to look very far…our neighbor, our kinfolk, our brethren.

 My great aunt from Virginia is visiting this week.  She was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer.  When I see her on Saturday we will share a meal, warm conversation, and say our goodbyes.  Until we meet again…

I saw the link last night…Typhoon Haiyan, and I was scared to click.  It is hard to look upon another’s suffering and not DO something, to feel helpless.  I pray, I pray with a heavy heart.  My heart hurts for the Philippines.

I saw a man in the grocery store who could barely walk, his size and weight almost too much for him to bear.  I wondered who loved him, who touched him, who cared for him.  His basket was full of healthy items; vegetables, fruit, a package of chicken breasts.  He is trying…he sees his own weakness…he wants to change.  I began to tear up, and I fervently prayed that he would find success in overcoming his passion.  Lord please help him.

Today is Veteran’s day…need I say more?

I remember when I became aware of the fact that suffering is a universal experience, that everyone suffers.  It was the day that I got a call from my mom, “Mandy, pray.  Papa has been in an accident.”  Our world changed in that moment.  My grandfather, the patriarch of the family, fell into a grain auger.  His children were all there, some desperately trying to free him, some watching in horror, others praying for a miracle.  One son cried, “Dad what happened, how did this happen?”   My grandfather’s last words were, “It just happened, son.”  Another son had been the one who flipped the switch, not knowing that his father was on top of a mountain of wheat inside the barn.  When the auger began to turn it pulled my grandfather into its rotation.

“It just happened.”

I have thought about that over and over.  Is that statement true?  Is suffering a happening that just is?  My grandfather did not struggle or resist.  He did not feel separate or exempt.  His last words were humble.  Death and suffering touch us all.  “It” happens to all of us.

But sometimes the suffering I see seems unbearable.  And in those times I cry to the Lord, who knows our suffering.  He suffered too.  That is a mystery and a consolation.

Today as we celebrate Martinmas, I hope the crafts and gifts and fun do not dull the raw and vulnerable message of Saint Martin.  A man lay at a gate, freezing to death, and Martin shared his cloak.  The reality of that story is horrifying.  Most of the stories of the saints are.  But, it is the response to suffering that make saint days worth remembering.  Saints meet suffering with faith.  They look suffering straight in the eyes and believe.  Faith takes action in compassion, forgiveness, martyrdom, and courage.  It takes courage to face a world of suffering and unbelief.

May I not look away in fear, may I not shrink back in cowardice, may I touch the unlovely and befriend the unfriendly.  Let it never be said that a Christian is squeamish or afraid.  The Gospel demands that I walk by faith.  Death and suffering do not negate the Resurrection.  Who better to care for the dying, sick, and suffering than the people of The Way.  We are a Resurrection people.  In Him we live, and move, and have our being.  We live in a sober expectation of Christ’s return.

I want to shake off despondency and recommit myself to a life of prayer and sacrifice.  I want to be courageous and faithful.  I want to journey toward the Nativity with a gift in my heart…a gift of faith.  True faith.  A living faith.  A faith that redeems suffering.  A faith like Saint Martin the Merciful.

faith · family · food · nutrition

Home Remedies

amandasexton4 Comments

When I was growing up on the farm we did not have insurance, and the doctor did not come cheap.  My mom learned how to pray and trust home remedies for the minor ailments that bother, and I have taken up the tradition.  Although I have to say that sometimes when I have a stomach virus the last thing I want to take is Apple Cider Vinegar…yuck!  But, it does work…it’s just torture getting it down.  I once heard a lady say that when she has a stomach virus she sprints until she breaks a sweat and the stomach bug vanishes.  Can you imagine?  I will take the vinegar, please.

As colder temperatures sneak up on us and we begin running our electric heat, the opportunity for pesky winter illnesses increases.  Today Elinor began a runny nose, and Samuel is congested as well.  It’s time to evaluate and begin restocking the medicine cabinet with all my home remedies.  I had the thought run through my head yesterday, “What if we all get sick at once?”  With schoolwork, the holidays, Slade’s CPA tests, nursing, extra-curricular activities, and all the in betweens that thought made me sort of loose my breath. Time to be proactive.

I hate to be sick, but even more I hate for my kiddos to be sick.  Last year during the holidays we had a round of the flu.  Sophia is still upset with me over that one.  How was I to know she could swallow a pill?  Most six year old kids can’t.  After several Tamiflu meltdowns I finally tasted the stuff, Oh My, it made the hairs on my neck stand up.  She has since made me swear that if she ever has to take it again, I must get the pill.  That medicine is legit…all medicine should taste like Tamiflu.  If so kids would think twice about getting sick. 😉  

As I prepare for a season of health I am concentrating on prevention… the foundation first.

  • Lots of water.
  • Nutritious food.  Lots of garlic and meat broths.  Foods high in vitamin C.  Speaking of vitamin C, we tried an Ugli fruit this week.  The kids got a kick out of the name.
  • Plenty of rest.
  • Quiet and prayerful atmosphere in the home.
  • Vitamins: D, C, and Zinc as supplements.  We like Emergen-C, it’s yummy.
  • Acidophilus: since a prominent part of the immune system is in the digestive tract this is good for overall health.
  • Floradix: an iron supplement with herbs and good B vitamins. 
  • Magnesium Oil Spray: helps reduce stress which weakens the immune system.  Here is a great resource for making your own. 
  • Cutting back on mucus producing dairy products.
  • When the sun is out, so are we.
If this defense lets an illness slip by I have an arsenal of home remedies to try:
  • Apple Cider Vinegar– good for soar throats and stomach bugs.  In cases of a stomach bug  you should start taking the vinegar at the first sign of nausea/ virus and if you throw it up take some more until the vomiting stops. It causes the body to turn alkali, a condition that is not conducive for the virus to live in. It quits multiplying so even if you don’t completely avoid the illness, it will be less severe. My kiddos and I have grown accustomed to taking vinegar straight up, like a shot.  I used to mix it with honey, but not anymore.  
  • Neti pot–  sinus congestion, dry nasal passages from indoor heat, allergies.
  • Throat Rag- Fold soft rag that is long enough to wrap around your neck into several layers. Drizzle oil over rag, judging how long of a strip will reach from ear to ear , and smear it all around,. It will probably take at least a couple of TBS.  Next smear on a good amount of Vicks Salve. Then drizzle about a TBS of turpentine down the center of the rag. Coat your neck with Vicks Salve making sure to get some on the sides and then pin the rag , messy side toward skin, around your neck. The oil and Vicks help coat the skin to protect it from the Turpentine because it could irritate or “burn” the skin.  This is good for severe soar throat or a cough. (Thanks mom for the detailed instructions, and corrections.)
  • Whiskey tonic- heat up a little whiskey with honey and fresh lemon juice.  Good for a cough before bedtime.
  • Vinegar and honey tonic- heat up a bit of vinegar and honey and sip to ease a cough or soar throat. 
  • Tea Tree Oil- do you ever get dry skin soars on your scalp during the winter?  Rub a little tea tree oil on them.
  • Epsom salt- put in a warm bath to sooth aching…another good source for magnesium.
  • Blow dryer- set it to low heat and blow into an ear ache.
  • Similason Ear Relief– this is great for ear aches.  I am not a fan of giving antibiotics for ear infections.
  • Cool mist humidifier.

And last, but certainly not least:
    Holy Water and prayer.  Tonight at evening prayer we gave Elinor and Samuel holy water for it has received grace to heal illnesses. 
Our bodies are beautifully and wonderfully made.  May we all be good stewards and take good care.
Welcome Home Wednesdays
books · faith · family · homeschooling · learning · Orthodoxy · saints

Archangel Michael Week!

amandasexton2 Comments
I thought it might be nice to share our week with you in advance.
http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/17BdytZRUPM&source=uds
  • Above is a little song we are learning…My Father’s Angels.
  • We are also going to make flower arrangements on Thursday in small Mason jars with the Asters, or Michaelmas Daises growing in my garden and place them in the icon corner.
  • I am shopping today for fresh Blackberries for cobbler for Friday night. Legend has it that on the day that Archangel Michael defeated Lucifer in heaven and kicked him out, Satan fell into a Bramble bush and cursed it.
  • We are telling the story of the War in Heaven.
  • We are reading Saint George and the Dragon all week.
  • We are also working on memorizing Psalm 23 and reading Sometimes I Get Scared.
  • Having lots of conversations about fear and courage.  What is good fear?  What is bad fear?  When do we need to be courageous?  What happens when we are not courageous?
  • Praying the Akathist Hymn to St. Michael the Archangel on Friday.
  • Watching How to Train Your Dragon for a movie night on Friday. 
  • Just for Mom.
books · faith · fall · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · seasons

The Dying Season

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“The Garden of Earthly Delights” (the “Millennium”)  Hieronymus Bosch

About ten years ago I discovered and fell in love with the literature of Flannery O’Connor. Her form of horror let me experience the cathartic nature of the grotesque (and literature’s role in purging), and how grappling with evil is an intricate part of the journey of faith. Often times I believe horror to be deeply and honestly religious. Confronting my own evil is what it is all about, and this is horrifying. Literature by O’Connor, Twain, Poe, King, and the like make good people nervous.  It’s hard to accept that ordinary people do evil things, I do evil things. That is what should scare me the most….not the Other, the delusion that evil exists in the Other and not in me. Every year about this time I revisit Flannery…I love her writing.  

 Autumn is a time of year when the themes of death surround. Grey rainy skies, cold dark nights, bare branches on trees, leaves falling purple, yellow, orange, and red, and gusts of chilly wind.  It’s beautiful…this dying season.  It is the perfect time of year to be frightened, a little unnerved.  And yet there is a peaceful quality to autumn that reassures me that death has no sting…Pascha, death has passed us over. 

Halloween brings out all of my ghosts..the things that haunt me.  Fear is a wonderful gift, a purging gift.  I would not want to live in this fallen world without fear.  A fallen man without fear is a monster.

For a good autumn read try:
A Good Man is Hard to Find
&
Wise Blood 

faith · fall · family · food · homeschooling · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · learning · marriage · motherhood · parenting · projects · seasons

How to Get Your Life Together In a Day

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Sometimes I make things so complicated, and truly that is unnecessary.  I realize there are circumstances that require extreme measures, but my life is not one of them.  Why do I get so stressed and anxious…wound up like an eight day clock?  I suspect it is because I am tired, just plain tired.  Being tired is not a sign that my life is falling apart.  Maybe it is a sign that my life is good, that I have a full and wonderful life…so much to be thankful for.

However, when things start piling up, pressing in, and coming undone I know it is time to do something different, settle in and refocus…just tweak things a bit.  There is no need for me to take a magic eraser to my whole life or to go through everything with a fine toothed comb.  Just a gentle redirection is all that is needed.  Gentle, but thorough.  You see, the bones are good, the underneath is still in tact, the anchor is what holds this ship in times of crazy schedules and busy days.  In times past I would begin a complete overhaul when I felt this way, but I have learned that extreme makeovers are most often the acting out of obsessions.  You know…that running dialogue in your head that makes you feel thin and shaky, nervous and irritable.  We moms have to learn to be gentle, even with ourselves.  

A very dear friend asked me the other day if I believed that sometimes there are cases where a person who was once whole could now be broken, with no hope of being whole again.  I listened to the question and took my friend seriously. I told this friend that, yes, I think it is possible, and that she did not have to be whole.  As I have thought about our conversation I have come to the conclusion that we are all broken in some way, and that it is most likely that we always will be.  Being whole is not about being completely put together…there is a reason that all the King’s horses and all the King’s men could not put Humpty together again.  Life comes down on us, it presses us, it breaks us, and we fall apart.  Once we have been broken there is no way to be whole again…not the kind of whole that we desire.  Being whole often times means we do not want to suffer this life and its trials, we long for naivety and simplicity.  But, those who get out in the world and bare burdens, get hands dirty, work hard, walk with damaged people, befriend the unfriendly, and try to be a part of the world will always be broken..it is inevitable.  The only way I ever imagine that I can avoid this is by shutting the world and people out.  In the end, I would rather be broken.

And this can apply to practical areas of my life as well.  If I desire to be out in the world living and learning with my kids, if I value relationship over everything else, if I put people on the top of my priority list, well then other things suffer…my house, my laundry, my body, my put togetherness.  I always feel that my life is a little undone, a little unkept.  But, in a way this is intentional.  I have chosen other things, to me they are more important things.  When criticisms come, and they will, I must be prepared to OWN my own life and choices.  I must be rooted and grounded in my heart.  I must also be willing to be honest, truthful with myself most of all.  This is the way that I face my life head on and how I deal with brokenness.

Today, as I was dealing with all of the emotions and stress that obsessions cause I waited for the panic to pass.  I got still and a wonderful thought came to me.  It does not take much to Get Your Life Together, Mandy.  In fact I am confident that it only takes one day of gentle internal work to feel better. This is because I am not expecting too much from myself or anyone around me…we are all broken. It is easy to be gentle when I recognize this.  Here are a few things I am doing today to regain a sense of confidence and beauty…how I am getting it together.

I Am…

  • Recognizing the dialogue in my head.  I am not trying to change it, just being aware of the Editor in Chief, the voice that keeps bossing me around, criticizing me.
  • Writing this post to share my thoughts, getting them out in the open.
  • Talking to my mom on the phone and enjoying our friendship.
  • Putting on a fresh face and a nice outfit.
  • Planning a trip to the pumpkin patch near our house.
  • Lighting candles.
  • Letting my kids be tired as well, we have been very busy.  No drill sergeant barking or correction.  
  • Taking a survey of my pantry and planning the meals I want to cook this week.
  • Doing a few loads of laundry.
  • Taking care of a speeding ticket that I got a few months back.  I made it through my probation period, and a big stress is off. 
  • Opening windows and doors to let the cool fresh breeze in.
  • Drinking Ceylon Tea..a new favorite and a wonderful gift from my husband.
  • Being quiet and just doing the next thing…gently walking through this house…room by room… accepting and being very thankful.
  • Praying the prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner.” Over, and over again.
  • Accepting the financial stresses of a large family lifestyle and owning my spending choices.
  • Letting my kids be who they are…not requiring that they be caught up, on target, or ahead. 
  • Washing dishes in warm soapy water.
  • Listening to sounds…a lawn mower, Mockingbirds, eggs boiling on the stove.  Just listen.
  • Smelling the things cooking, the fresh autumn air, Samuel’s little head, Elinor’s sweaty puppy dog yumminess, out of the dryer laundry.
  • Waiting for my husband to come home so I can give him a hug.

This is what my day is shaping up to be…a wonderful day, a blessed day, another day to be a mom, wife, daughter, friend. 

   

faith · family · Orthodoxy

Orthodox Mission {A family, a community}

amandasexton1 Comment

 I had never really given much thought to Orthodoxy in America until I began attending St. Aresenius Hermitage.  It was then that I began to understand the sacrifices and commitment it takes to spread the Gospel, to break ground in a foreign land, to start from nothing.

That is just what is happening at St. Arsenius Hermitage.  It is nestled in the hills and pasture of North Texas, a few miles outside of a small community that does not have an Orthodox Church.  In fact, the folks of this community and surrounding areas have never even heard of Orthodoxy, much less encountered a monk in robs shopping at their local home improvement store.  The newspaper did a bio, and Father Gregory’s picture was cropped among the happenings of small town Texas life.  He looked out of place, but his warm smile fit right in.

I wonder sometimes how Orthodoxy will ever permeate this Texas culture, sometimes they seem worlds apart; Orthodoxy and Texas. And then I look at my family, and I have hope.  Orthodoxy makes all things new, it takes a proud Texan like myself and makes me new…without requiring me to loose my twang.  Although, a priest once commented after I had chanted during Holy Week that he had never heard anything like it.  I did not know if I should laugh or be offended, I chose to laugh.  I am what I am, and if Orthodoxy is truly catholic I know there is a place for me.

Trying to become Orthodox has required that we as a family make new traditions.  And that is hard.  We are constantly trying to balance culture with church.  We are not Greek, and we are not Russian, or Arab, or Romanian.  However, Orthodoxy has a way of getting in the cracks, and slowly we are becoming American Orthodox.  What will this look like?…who knows, we have a LONG way to go.  I know because I watch the work at St. Arsenius, and I can see the longevity of the call.  How long will it take for this small community in Texas to embrace the monk in the country?  Longer still will be the inclusion, the familiarity, the ease that signifies Orthodox community life.  It is a long and hard work.  We Texans are willful and self directed, I could think of no harder place to break ground.

The story of St. Arsenius Hermitage is very inspiring.  A family of twelve, a husband and wife and ten children have opened their hearts to the call.  They labor alongside Father Gregory, and it is back breaking work.  When I look at all they have sacrificed to help bring an Orthodox presence to this area I am truly humbled.  They have given land, money, and labor.  But, it is the sacrifice the family makes that breaks my heart.  To begin this work the family has given up time, a resource that can never be renewed. All I can offer is my understanding, support, and heartfelt thanks.  We help when we can, and I wish we could do more.  It is a hard work.

We (my family) are a mission field…our community is a mission field…Texas is a mission field…America is a mission field.  Orthodoxy is young in America.  I am ok with that, and I understand that my conversion is also in its infancy. I am starting to see and learning to accept that becoming Orthodox is a long and hard work, but one that is full of life and reward.  Lord have mercy.      

For a good read on Orthodoxy and the South go here…
Orthodoxy and the Christ-Haunted Culture of the South
        

faith · homeschooling · learning · motherhood · parenting · pregnancy · saints

Liturgical Life: August & September

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August & September

August and September were full months indeed!  Baby Samuel was born on the 13th of August, and afterwards I observed my forty days of rest and healing.  Father Gregory came to the hospital to give a blessing after birth, and it was nice to have him there.  We had a small brunch at our house for Samuel’s eighth day naming, and Father Gregory came to our house for the first time.  We really enjoyed having him here and praying at our altar.  My churching took place at St. Arsenius hermitage.  As the end of the Church year approached I felt somewhat disconnected, until the Feast of the Dormition.  We did not do anything special as far as services.  The Feast of the Dormition of the Theotokos was two days after Samuel was born.  It was a wonderful way to end my pregnancy.  Samuel’s name day was on the 20th of August, and we celebrated with a kiss and a blessing.  I was just not well enough to do anything more.

The beginning of the Church year, September 1, did not feel like a beginning to me.  I was still recovering, and the quiet of this house felt good and healing.  My brother Joshua’s name day falls on the same day.  We called him and said special prayers for him that night.  My husband is his Godfather.  I spent part of the day observing and praying before the Nativity of the Theotokos icon on September 8.  It meant more to me this year than in year’s past.  On September 14 we sang our Elevation of the Holy Cross song and studied the icon.  Sophia’s name day was on the 17th and we took her out to eat Asian food, her favorite.  We talked about St. Sophia, a favorite in our family.

What we are reading:
The story of Saint Sophia.

Special Prayers:
Prayers for the beginning of the Church year and the school year.

Special services:
Blessing after birth.
Eighth day naming.
40 day churching.

Special Projects:
We gave the plant shed a makeover.  We turned it into a little schoolroom for Addy and Caroline.  We bought an air-conditioner and new laptops for the online classes.
Beginning school year – September 9  

faith · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post

A Safe Haven

amandasexton8 Comments

Not too long ago I was let in on a little secret. My husband told me he reads my blog. This was such a sweet surprise, and his readership means more to me than any other. I love readers, and I love comments. That is the one of the major reasons I began blogging – to meet new people and make new friends. However, this process is slow, and should be. I am not interested in mass communication, I just like the idea of a little corner of the internet being mine – a place where I talk with friends, share ideas, laugh a little, a place to be inspired and challenged.  When my husband told me that he read my blog I was taken aback, I am not used to him being privy to my private world of writing and women stuff.  It really surprised me how it made me feel.

We women keep some things to ourselves, especially the private world of woman conversation.  Our talks with girlfriends…and our mothers…the exact kind of conversations we have here in the mommy blog world; these are hidden away. We women have an amazing private life of the mind and heart also.  Like my journals… no one reads my journal but me!  Thank goodness!  (This blog is a VERY tame version of my paper journal.)  I think when I die, my family will find half written in, doodled up spiral notebooks all over my house.  My journaling is spastic and sporadic.  My notebooks are littered with poems, horrible artistic sketches of random things, scriptures, letters I never intend to send, rantings, quotes, philosophical debates I have with myself, love letters, weird lists of all kinds, baby names, books I want to read,  comments on books I’ve read, to do lists, home school ideas, gift ideas…on and on it goes.  Its fascinating really… to stumble upon a notebook in a drawer that has entries from ten years ago scattered in with a to do list from last year, and a few more random entries that are undated and obviously not chronological.  I have never been a very linear person.

The private lives of women have always been fascinating to me, I think that is why I like reading your blogs!  My daily private life is so varried, I am never really bored.  And it is no different for you.  It’s the little details that make the essence of a woman’s life so interesting, this private world of thoughtfulness.  It’s an intuitive world, full wisdom and attention.  A woman’s world is also full of an energy, and I can feel this energy the moment I step into a woman’s space… whether it be her personal space, her home, her car, and yes, even her blog.  Have you ever wondered what was in another woman’s purse or pantry?  Have you scanned a grocery cart to wonder what she will cook tonight, or if she drinks coffee or not… what does she feed her family?  Have you ever secretly wished you could peruse a friend’s closet or makeup drawer?  What kind of perfume does she wear, what kind of cookware does she use?  What detergent?  What shampoo?  What diapers?  All of this speaks of essence..I really like getting to know women.

If only we trusted each other that much…

In a world that is so desperately broken I have noticed a growing atmosphere of suspicion and mistrust among women.  And let’s face it, women can be very hard on each other, even cruel.  But, I ask… at what cost?  We are losing contact with the private, yet very essential knowing that only women are capable of.  I have been burned by judgmentalism and snobbery just like you, and I hide, just like you.  But, what I find myself doing more than anything is presenting a version of myself that is calculated and sculpted to ensure my safety.  Some of this is necessary, and I understand that.  But, don’t you long to be in a circle of friends, in relationships, that are real…not for the sake of sharing how dirty our houses REALLY are, or how we ALL fight with our husbands, or that we fed our kids beanie weenies three times last week…all that is fine and good.  But, that is not the only kind of knowing that we women are capable of.  We are capable of real communion, and when we fail at this I think the whole world suffers.

And those of us who share our world with one another…well, we take a risk, but I like the risk.  Some days I wonder if I am brave enough to write here in this space…not because you demand it or that I have some mandate from God.  I write here because I want to, that’s a simple enough answer.  But, am I brave enough?  And here is the shocker.  I am not scared to show you how much laundry I have piled up in my laundry room.  I’ll take a picture right now of the inside of my car or my weedy flowerbeds and post it for the world to see.  Guess what, I don’t have one pumpkin in my house yet, and I have not brushed my teeth today…how’s that for honesty?  No the shocker is this, I am afraid to show you how great I am, how wonderful of a friend I am, how warm I can be, and how I shine.  That’s what I am afraid of, and rightly so…we’ve all been burned.

I admire those who take that risk, the risk of being burned and greatly misunderstood.  That to me is what makes a great writer, a great woman, a wonderful friend.  I want to be that kind of woman, that kind of friend.  I dream of a world that is made better, more beautiful, because I am here.  I understand my greatness is not generated by my abilities or accomplishments, but by a daily gift of grace.  My heart is warmed by the beauty and grace I see in others…I am not envious or covetous or jealous…and if I am I repent and try and struggle and pray.  I abhor gossip, and when I repeat it I feel badly because I understand what it means to uncover someone.  I want to be kind, kind enough to attract true friendship, kind enough to allow communion, kind enough to let you shine.

Here in this little corner of the internet, this place where I share a portion of my private world, this place where one heart chimes, well, I like this place.  My husband told me he liked my blog…I asked him why.  Do you know what he said?  He said, “I like seeing what is going on with you.”  Well, that is the same reason I like your blog, even if we have never met.  I like seeing you, in fact I like seeing all people.  Oh, for the eyes to really see.

I was struggling with a title for this post, and just as I was about to save it to draft and try again tomorrow I heard a movie come on in the living room.  I love Netflix!  My husband started the movie Safe Haven, a Nicolas Sparks. (Remember The Notebook?)  As I am watching the beginning of this chick flick I have decided to swipe the title for my post…we are all a little scared, some of us are terrified.  But, if we are brave and truly humble and radically kind…just maybe we are creating a wonderful safe haven for each other.  A wonderful private woman’s world of friendship, communion, and beauty.