faith · family · homeschooling · kids · learning · motherhood · Orthodoxy · parenting

Homeschooling: Just keep practicing.

This is the time of year that I reflect on our home school journey… I evaluate, I ponder, and I make decisions.  I think it is better to do this now… at the end of the school year… rather than wait until fall when I will be hopelessly idealistic….right now I am a realist.  The end of a school year makes realists of most homeschool families.  This year we welcomed a new little fella into our lives, and man did I have a time trying to manage all of the schoolwork, housework, and activities with the joys and concerns of an infant. However, we did manage…we made it, and it was a great year! We are very blessed.

Homeschooling is a never-ending learning experience on so many levels.  It really is a lifestyle.  That is why home school articles are so peculiar.  Among articles detailing curriculum, schedules, and methods an inquirer will also find plenty of advice on relationships, homemaking, and spirituality.  And that really is the best home school advice..the kind that gets down to the reality of home life. I have often wanted to express to new homeschooling mothers the importance of getting the bones right, then worry about the books!  I am still working on the bones…it is my daily work.

One hard lesson I have learned this year is that juggling all the balls takes practice.  I keep dropping the balls… fumbling around with awkward hands. That means I have to stop, pick them up again, and keep practicing.

Do you ever feel like you drop the ball?

It is just part of the experience.  It takes humility to keep practicing…I pray for humility.

A friend once told me that four children were manageable by her own strength, but the fifth took God’s strength.  This mom has since graduated from nursing school…while homeschooling and raising five kiddos.  I am learning this lesson as I stubbornly try to manage by my own strength.

How does a mom learn to lean on God’s strength?  Isn’t that just an overused cliche…some pat answer we spout when no meaningful solution presents itself?

 Maybe.

However, many times this year I have been at my rope’s end. And in those moments, among the chaotic emotional noise, there is also peace…it’s like a deep well that I must descend.  Go deeper..dig deeper..into the peace of God.  In those moments I have a choice. I can accept my imperfection, stand before God with an honest heart, and pray, “Lord, help me.”  Leaning on God’s strength does not mean that He rescues me from this life..this life I chose.  No, it means that He helps me.  He just helps me.  And this co-op…this cooperation… is what homeschooling is ALL about.

In the spirit of humility we take on the task of Raising Them Right…it is hard work.  It takes strength beyond ourselves.  As I make plans for next year I feel more than ever before that I will need help.  Join me here as I take you through my process…maybe we can inspire one another, pray for one another, and encourage one another to keep practicing.  Check back for a few inspiring topics!

Would the Perfect Mother Please Stand Up?
When to Call in Reinforcements
Is Technology My Friend?
Babies First
Homeschooling Tweens & Teens
Where is Sophie?  How not to forget the middle children.
The Domestic Church  

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faith · fall · family · food · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · nutrition · seasons · Spring · summer · winter

The Farmer

To all those farmers praying for rain…
Who make a living, or not, depending on forces out of their control…
To my brother, who as a child the farmers would call and say, “Ask Josh to pray for rain.”  And it would.
To all the animals who search for food and shelter in this hard drought…
To men and women who leave clean and come home dirty…
To my grandfather, who died tragically doing what he loved…farming.
To those who fill my tummy from the work of their hands…
To God who established seed time and harvest, and who makes all things grow, and who knows best.
Thank you.  
faith · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · Orthodoxy · saints

Do Different Things

My intellect and emotional habits…sometimes even my morals shut me off from God.  And the thought of giving them up produces such a scare that I only adhere insofar as it does not require, that it does not demand that I do different things.  The spiritual definition of humility makes me ponder the attachments I have, the strongholds of mountainous pride…pride that can be characterized as habits, customs, rituals…maybe that is what iniquity is..the long standing traditions of sin passed down…the chromosome of bad habit.

Maybe that is what Christ meant when he said you must hate your mother and father if you are to be a follower…people of The Way.  We must receive the new Way. We must adhere to the Tradition…not traditions.  This Way, a new way of walking and thinking, is foreign to me, it is not my mother’s wisdom, or my father’s…it is different.  And letting go of tidy systems, and principles, and convictions is scary.  It requires that I change my mind, that I allow myself to be censored, to admit that I have not yet understood a thing. (That Man Is You,Louis Evely)

God asks Abraham to leave his homeland; he must journey to find the promised land.  We all have a journey to make, and it requires humility to so often be changed..to practice detachment.  The rut of sin is mud dried hard, that rutted road that leads home, the road that we know so well…so well we drive it in the dark or even blindly. However, I have found that the road that leads to heaven requires attentiveness and light and road signs.  It is not a familiar road.

Some say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.  I agree.  My only hope is that there is peace in store for those who are obsessed with being changed, who try different things in that eternal search for perfection, who are accused of foolishness, but really they are just people unwilling to stay the way there are, because the pursuit is all about becoming something different…becoming like God.

To those who resist change, the spiritual journey can be full of anxiety and anger.  To those who are satisfied the spiritual journey can be full of unnecessary angst.  But for those who hunger and thirst, who believe themselves to be poor, who would rather be a fool than remain unchanged, those are given the blessings of discipleship. That to me defines a saint..those who have been given the blessings of discipleship.

It has been my experience that God, being the author and finisher of this faith, can ask ANYTHING.  And He resists me when I say, “Nothing can be done.”  Because obedience is always an option.  If I would only obey, things would change. I would change.  I have a long way to go.

A group of my friends gathered at my house this weekend for a party.  As we were setting under the twinkle lights on my patio, laughing and reminiscing, the conversation turned to me.  A friend commented that it was interesting watching me over the years, how I change so often, how I believe something so strongly and then I don’t, how I have changed my mind so much.  I was brought low by this opinion, somehow I believe stability validates the truth..that my perceived instability nullifies my credibility.  In truth, I have no credibility. I only hope that the witness of my life has not brought scandal.

 As I listened to my friends censor me, friends who have walked with me for over ten years, seen my journey, witnessed my life in flux, I kept silent…I had no defense.  I am what they say…I am a person who wants to change.  I want to do different things.  Because truth is worth every sacrifice.

“… it is certainly required that what is subject to change be in a sense always coming to birth. In mutable nature nothing can be observed which is always the same. Being born spiritually, in the sense of constantly experiencing change, does not come about as the result of external initiative, as is the case with the birth of the body, which takes place by means outside our control. Such a birth occurs by choice. We are in some manner our own parents, giving birth to ourselves by our own free choice in accordance with whatever we wish to be? moulding ourselves to the teaching of virtue or vice.”

Saint Gregory of Nyssa The Life of Moses

faith · family · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · saints

Cancer is a Scary Word


Cancer is a scary word…a word that evokes dread.  It is a heavy word.  It’s like in the Lord of the Rings when those who spoke of the Dark Lord used his various names with caution and trepidation.  I hate even saying the word. It is a disease of uncontrolled division of abnormal cells. Sounds like our world…a world that rejects communion, love of enemy, and oneness. 

A world that sees health as primarily physical... 

It is scientifically official.  You are what you eat…and breath…and touch.

I recently watched a short documentary about a Babushka that has lived her entire life in the Siberian wilderness.  Her father took the family into seclusion when she was just a baby to escape communist persecution. She is now in her seventies, the last member her family still living.  The wise woman described communism as the great science…the soul crushing science. 

 The modern answer to disease is soul crushing.

Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man, but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man. 

These are my thoughts as I pray for my Mema, recently diagnosed with a malignant Melanoma.  It is black and ulcerated and ugly. So many questions swirl around as we talk as a family about treatment plans and prognosis.  It’s like shooting a shotgun…hoping the spread pattern hits the target.  There are a thousand ways to treat cancer…like pellets in a shotgun.
My heart is with my mother…she is aiming the gun.

We say it is our environment, the water, the air, the soil.  We live in an environment that creates disease.  We are connected to it in a very real way, and no matter how much we try to separate from the toxins we cannot be assured completely…because we are a part of this world.  In a culture that denies the unseen, I find it difficult to identify with the scientific environmentalists.  Our world may be killing us, but it is our sin that makes the world toxic.
I am wondering about the soul and cancer and our world and how we are none exempt.  I am praying for the men and woman who are trained physicians, that care for the sick and suffering.  I am humbled.

I pray with Saint Panteleimon, a trained physician who healed in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 



O Champion and Martyr of God,
imitating the Merciful and bearing from Him the grace of healing,
cure our spiritual ills by your prayers,
and set free from the temptation of the eternal enemy,those who ceaselessly cry out, “Save us, O Lord.”

Below is a homily that I read this morning at Orthodox Way of Life.  Very comforting for those facing a life threatening disease.

  


Homily by St.Nicholas Velimirovic

“Do not be afraid of anything that you are going to suffer. Remain faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life” (Revelation 2:10). 

By His suffering our Lord eased our suffering. He endured the greatest of pain and emerged as the Victor. That is why He can encourage us in our lesser sufferings. He suffered and endured in righteousness while we suffer and endure in expiating our own sins. This is why He can doubly remind us to endure to the end as He, the Sinless One, endured. Not one of us has helped nor alleviated His pains and endurance, yet He stands along side each one of us when we suffer and alleviates our pains and misfortunes. That is why He has the right to tell each one who suffers for His Name’s sake: “Do not be afraid! Do not be afraid of anything that you are going to suffer,” says Christ, for I alone have endured all suffering and am familiar with them. I was not frightened at not a single suffering. I received them upon Myself and, in the end, overcame them all. I did not overcome them by dismissing them or fleeing from them but receiving them all upon Myself voluntarily and enduring them all to the end. And so you also should accept voluntary suffering, for I see and know how much and for how long you can endure. 

If your suffering should continue to death itself and if it is the cause of your death, nevertheless, do not be afraid; “I will give you the crown of life.” I will crown you with immortal life in which I reign eternally with the Father and the Life-Giving Spirit. God did not send you to earth to live comfortably, rather to prepare for eternal life. It would be a great tragedy if your Creator were unable to give you a better, longer, and brighter life than that which is on earth which reeks of decay and death and is shorter than the life of a raven. 

O my brethren, let us listen to the words of the Lord and all of our sufferings will be alleviated. If the blows of the world seem as hard as stones, they will become as the foam of the sea when we obey the Lord. 

O Victorious Lord, teach us more about Your long-suffering; and when we become exhausted, extend Your hand and sustain us.

cooking · faith · family · food · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · marriage · motherhood · Orthodoxy

Bright Week

We made it!  That’s what I keep thinking as I am cleaning out the fridge..all the leftover fasting dishes going to the scraps.  (We have a septic system which means no garbage disposal.)  I hope the neighborhood dogs like veggies in the scrap pile…hehe!

 I emptied containers of bean salad, coleslaw, a bit of refried beans, orzo pasta with artichokes and capers, and I was doing pretty good until I came upon a container of hummus.  The site of that evoked an emotional response.  I am sick of hummus!  And then a few minutes later I was half tempted to eat the last little bit for lunch.  I guess in a way it’s hard for this to be over.  So much of Lent revolves around the kitchen, and an Orthodox kitchen is truly a spiritual place.  So much of the Christian faith is centered in the home.

And on that thought…

Lisa A shared a series of talks on her blog entitled  The Good Wife: Five Lectures on the Christian Ideal.
The first lecture is free, and the remaining are only $10 for the complete download.  Well worth the donation!

The Christian ideal of womanhood is beautiful.  I have been thinking this week about brightening up my home, and then I saw this over at OCN… 

BRIGHT WEEK- the week after Lent in which we continue to practice the spiritual values we gained over the last 40 days.

I thought, “What spiritual values did I gain over the last forty days?”  What values must I practice to brighten our lives…our home? I can think of several.

Patience
Humility that calms anger
Kindness
Less talking
and most of all…
Consistency

I hope your Bright Week is exceptional.  How are you recouping, feasting, and practicing?  
Our Bright Week has been good so far.
Monday we had steaks from the grill.  Tuesday we went to vespers at the hermitage and shared a meal with the small community that is forming there. (So excited about that.)  Today we went to the park, and I am grilling hamburgers for dinner.  Thursday I hope I can get in my garden and plant a few things.  Friday Addy is going to a homeschool prom party!  Caroline is spending the night with her best friend.  Slade, the littles, and I are having ice cream sundaes.  The weekend is full with piano recital practice and St. Thomas Sunday.  
What are your plans for Bright Week?  Anything special?

faith · family · learning · Orthodoxy

Pascha Joy

I got the call early in the week.  It was my mother, and she told me that the two chanters at her very small Greek parish in Wichita Falls were going to be out of town on Holy Saturday and Pascha.  I knew what was coming next, and I was terrified.

“If we cannot find anyone to fill in would you and the girls be willing to help?”

Last year we traveled to my mother’s parish for Pascha, and we were going again this year.  My sweet mother had arranged all of it.  Last year our whole family was together; my parents, grandmother, two brothers and their wives, our nephew, and us.  We all stayed at a hotel and went to services together.  It was wonderful, and I was so looking forward to this again.  And then the call… the request that immediately changed my relaxed anticipation into fear.

I said yes.  I could have said no.  But, somehow I sensed that this was a wonderful gift our family could give Jesus for Pascha.  I wanted to give Him a gift by helping the Church in Wichita Falls.  I love my mother’s church, a country church with no pretensions.  Cradle Orthodox tell me all the time that I know more about the faith than they do.  This comment makes me cringe.  I want to tell them, “What does knowing have to do with anything?  You are here, you have always been here, in the Church, living and breathing the life of the Church.  I am nothing.” That’s how I feel about this little church in West Texas that has held on to the faith in not so friendly conditions. It humbles me. It also amazes me, the care that Christ has for His Church, even very small churches in the middle of nowhere.  No domes, no choir or traditional chanters, not even traditional icons.  However, the heart of the Church is Christ, and He is everywhere present.  He lives in the people who sing the joyous Paschal hymns.

I spent all of Holy Week preparing for the services of Holy Saturday and Sunday.  My whole family pitched in, and it stretched us.  We are in no way professional singers or chanters.  However, we know enough to sing.  And I have learned that we all know enough to sing!  Every Orthodox Christian can and must sing Pascha! It is in the sweet melodies of the heart that Christ is hymned, remembered, worshiped, and glorified.

I had many plans for cleaning, cooking, and preparing for Pascha.  But, all of those plans were let go as I prepared for the real Pascha. Let us now lay aside all earthly cares.  There is something very wonderful about stretching oneself beyond the limits of knowledge and ability.  It is truly in our weakness that we can experience the righteousness of Christ.  It is when we feel that we cannot go on that we learn to lean on the one who can and does go on…unto the Ages of Ages.  I remember Abraham who did not lose his faith as he considered the weakness of his flesh….

And being not weak in faith, he considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sara’s womb. Romans 4:19 

As Adalay and I set out very early on Saturday morning for the two hour trek to Holy Cross in Wichita Falls, I prayed once again, “Lord please send just one Greek lady that knows the special hymns in Greek, and Lord please receive my song, however off tune and choppy it sounds.  I am just a baby, and I feel very vulnerable.”

And God provided.  Out of the congregation He provided.  He provided a wonderful woman visiting from Dallas that was once a choir director in San Antonio, she sang the special hymns in Greek.  An elderly gentlemen whose wife is dying with cancer came and sang Gladsome Light in Greek, and as the tears rolled down his cheeks I thought, “This is the Church.” My daughter, Adalay, sang her heart out, and was moved by her participation.  I could sense the work being done in her heart. Caroline helped her daddy with Samuel and the littles.  It was a team effort,a family effort.  This Pascha was so moving, my best so far as a convert.  It was not the most put together, and I have definitely been more prepared and polished in the past, but it was the most real.  It seemed that this Pascha made all things new.

And as we drove home, our bellies full of the lamb from the spit and baklava, I looked at  my car loaded up with all the goodies that the wonderful women of Holy Cross baked and gave to us, I saw all the Easter eggs, I saw all the bags and blankets and pillows, and I smiled.  I watched my bobble headed kiddos sleep, too tired to talk but oh so happy. I felt very full, full of joy.

We drove home in the rain, much needed rain. The day just kept getting better.

My brother called me at 10:00 Sunday night, and he said, “Well sis, Jesus sent a flood on Pascha.”  He said he had never seen it rain so hard, and that he had gone out in his front yard and looked up and cried with thanks.  We are in exceptional drought, the kind of drought that makes farmers and ranchers panic, and cities scramble to provide for citizens, and lakes dry up completely. Scary drought.  But, Jesus sent a flood on Pascha.  It will not cure the drought, but it is our hope.  Rain does still fall from the sky.

Pascha is a flood!  Pascha is like a flood in a drought!  Christ is the rain for every parched heart.  He is risen, and His flood washes away our sicknesses, our burdens, our sin.  We worship His third day resurrection.

My friend and I spoke on the phone this morning, sharing Pascha stories…Pascha joy.  She told me, “I cannot believe I have to wait another year to do this again.”  I thought later, “You don’t.”  Pascha is our present, an eternal present, and eternal feast of joy!

faith

Chimes of the Heart

….a few thoughts this week, random chimes of my heart.

“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Anna Karenina.  

Health is singular, but a man can be sick in a million different ways.  

There is but one way to be truly human, Christ alone. There is a million different ways to be devilish. 

But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.  1 Samuel 16:7

I stood at my coffee pot, pouring a cup after a sleepless night, and I prayed 1 Samuel 16:7.  I thanked God that he takes care of my heart.  He is not obsessed with outward appearances, as I am.  He has my heart.  He is instructing my heart.  

“Everyone comes to the Liturgy with something different they want to pray about.  Everyone participates in their own way, ” my Spiritual Father.  A challenge to come even when full participation is impossible.  A mother in Liturgy participates in the way she can.  

And finally…a favorite from Shakespeare.  This Sonnet speaks to me about the pain of unreasonable desire. Sin is always unreasonable.

SONNET 147

My love is as a fever, longing still
For that which longer nurseth the disease,
Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,
The uncertain sickly appetite to please.
My reason, the physician to my love,
Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,
Hath left me, and I desperate now approve
Desire is death, which physic did except.
Past cure I am, now reason is past care,
And frantic-mad with evermore unrest;
My thoughts and my discourse as madmen’s are,
At random from the truth vainly express’d;
For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright,
Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.

faith · family · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · learning · Orthodoxy · poetry

God is Love

 “God is love.” This is, for me, the greatest theological truth.

May we struggle to forgive those who have hurt us.  May we beg mercy from those we have hurt….

All that this week is, it is nothing without Love.

Enlighten my mind with the light of understanding of Thy Holy Gospel; my soul with the love of Thy Cross; my heart with the purity of Thy word; my body, with Thy passionless Passion. Keep my thought in Thy humility, and raise me up at the proper time for Thy glorification. For most glorified art Thou, together with Thine unoriginate Father, and the Most Holy Spirit, unto the ages.    St. Antiochus