faith

Aim of the Christian Life


Prayer, fasting, vigils, and all other Christian practices, however good they may be in themselves, certainly do not constitute the aim of our Christian life: they are but the indispensable means of attaining that aim. For the true aim of the Christian life is the acquisition of the Holy Spirit of God. As for fasts, vigils, prayer and almsgiving, and other good works done in the name of Christ, they are only the means of acquiring the Holy Spirit of God. Note well that it is only good works done in the name of Christ that bring us the fruits of the Spirit.

~St. Seraphim of Sarov
faith · family · learning

Liturgical Life: April

APRIL 2013
Great Lent is in full swing, and things are going pretty well around here.  This year was a challenge when it came to what we as a family were able to do as far as fasting goes.  I am half way through my fifth pregnancy, and cooking and eating are a challenge.  I get so sick when I am pregnant.  For the full story go here.  I also struggle with severe anemia and swelling due to lack of protein. So, after discussing things with our spiritual father we decided that the best thing at this time for our family was to not fast completely, except the regular Wednesday and Friday fasts.  Instead, we are going without television, eating out, and keeping our meals simple and small.  Also, we have made time around the icon corner a family priority and added a devotional that we all listen to and discuss.  In the beginning I was dreading Lent, because I felt that my condition was going to hinder my whole family.  But, God is good, and so far we have had some very meaningful moments of sincere reflection and struggle.  I love the Lenten season.

What we are reading:
First Fruits of Prayer: A Forty Day Journey Through the Canon of Saint Andrew
Raising Them Right: A Saint’s Advice On Raising Children
The Story of Saint Mary of Egypt
Children’s One Year Bible: 1 Samuel: The Life of King David

Special Prayers:
The Saint Ephraim Prayer
Teaching and learning to prostrate.

Special Services:
Presanctified Liturgy at Saint Arsenius Hermitage
Attending a talk at St. Barbara’s Orthodox Church given by Father Sergius:  The Vulnerability of the Incarnation.

Special Projects:
Cleaning the Yard from the winter.
Taking junk and trash to the recycle facility near our house.
Cleaning out excess from the house to donate to Goodwill.
Visiting Nouna Stella and Nouna Leann for an afternoon.  Nouna Stella’s health is poor these days and we hope to bring some cheer.
Organizing a Garage Sale.

cleaning · faith · family · marriage · organizing · parenting

Feminine Virtues

Being pregnant always gets me going when it comes to matters of marriage, femininity, homemaking, and the likes.  I have recently found a charming blog that captures a kind of innocence that I wish I had.  The blogger”s posts on feminine dress, homemaking, parenting, and church life seem to be coming from some place within her that is truly genuine and beautiful.  Too many times I have read things that seem to be gadget oriented, as if something from without can create something beautiful within.  This sweet blog is different.  I tire of ideological living; if I do a,b,c it will produce e,f,g.  However, I truly love being a woman, and without becoming fake or legalistic, I have always tried to explore the makings and disciplines of beautiful womanhood.

Girly stuff has not always come natural to me.  When I was a young girl my boy cousins teased and called me Randy, because, I suspect, I could beat most of them in an arm wrestling match.  Those days were short lived, and as I grew I realized that being a tomboy was not something I would like to continue into adulthood.  So, the quest for beauty and love and romance began, and then I had four daughters.  I am amazed at how feminine they all are, especially because I have never really viewed myself as a particularly girly girl.  In fact, my husband’s friends are all jealous of him because I love me some football on Sunday afternoons, I love to work hard and get my hands dirty, and one of my favorite date nights is going out for wings and beer.  True, I think one of the reasons my husband was so attracted to me was because I am a little boyish, but in a girly kind of way.  Does that make since?  Here in Texas I think women have a knack for being boyish in a girly way.

This week I have been thinking about my relationship with my husband and the way I get on with my children, and how that relates to feminine virtues. My main purpose or job is being a wife and mother, and this Lent I have tried to examine the areas where I could improve upon my vocation.  A few things have come up: I am idle, I complain, and I struggle with boredom, all of which greatly hinder my job as a wife and mother.

For the next few weeks I have decided to be industrious, to work at being content with my situation, and to rekindle creativity.  Here are a few focus areas all inspired by that sweet little blog I mentioned before:

  • Waking early
  • Being faithful to my daily readings and prayers
  • Making sure my husband’s practical needs are met (lunch packed, work clothes ironed, cook a small breakfast before work)
  • Getting my grocery budget under some control and making frugal choices when it comes to food
  • Resuming my skin, hair, and nail care regimes
  • Cleaning out excess to prepare for a yard sale and to donate (starting with clothes bins in the shop)
  • Take walks or swim every weekday
  • Examine my wardrobe and dress with less (quality over quantity)
  • Be patient with my kiddos as I still struggle with acute nausea and fatigue
  • Rekindle a womanly atmosphere of creativity in my home with small things like scented candles, fresh picked wild flowers, etc.
  •  Reaffirm my love and affection with clean crisp sheets, soft music, warm dinners at the table, a smile, a pleasant tone in my voice, lots of hugs, and whatever creative ideas come to me.

Update:  How do I feel womanly when all womanly pursuits come to a screeching halt?  Explore the wonder of a round belly.  Enjoy a baby kicking and moving inside me.  Take in the joy of watching my body provide for another living thing.  Pregnancy is the one truly exclusive womanly expression.  Every bullet point above could be done by a man.  However, only the woman can bear a child.  

                

    faith · family · marriage

    My New Kitchen

    I have a new kitchen!  Yes, my husband decided that we needed to update, partly in preparation of a possible move, but I think he mainly did it for me.  We have been tossing around the idea of buying a new house for some time now, we convince ourselves that we need a bigger space to live in, and that our kids need room to grow.  Somehow we can never really bring ourselves to make the decision.  Maybe after the baby comes the nest will get uncomfortable and we will want to fly the coop.  Or possibly we will nestle in, all snug and cozy, close to each other.  I have two sides to me.  One side would love a large living area and a bigger dining room and another bedroom.  However, when I look around this wonderful house I tell myself that I just have American eyes.  I say, “Remember what you saw in Honduras?  Remember what you promised yourself then?”  That’s the other side of me that wants desperately to be content.  I am content… (I am so glad we do not have cable, those improvement shows would really mess with me.)

    So here I sit in my brand new kitchen.  I say brand new, what I mean is that I have a new double oven, a new cook top, and a new microwave installed above the cook top.  It’s wonderful to get new kitchen stuff.  I even went out and bought new things to organize my drawers, I threw out many of my old and broken items, and I broke down and replenished our silverware.  I was holding on to the wedding utensils, its hard to admit that I have been married for seventeen years, that the wedding presents are fading, breaking, and disappearing.  I am sentimental like that.  But, this new kitchen has given me an idea, it has helped me overcome my morning sickness blues, and it has inspired me to hope.  Yes, I have been in a funk lately.  By the time I spend six weeks in my pajamas, fighting with food and drink, going from the bed to the potty to the bed again, I feel very weary and a little depressed.  But, my husband, well he just knows me, he knows how to draw the best out of me (and the worst at times.)

    Did I need new stuff to feel better?  Absolutely not.  However, the idea that has come to me is this, all things are new every morning.  Sometimes all I need is a new beginning to help me overcome my struggle.  I am not out of the woods yet, and I definitely am still fighting with nausea, but this new kitchen reminds me that I am new every morning, I change, circumstances change, and not always for the worse.  Even amidst suffering, hope is available, not in the fixing of things, not in the cure, but in the newness of every morning.  If I awake, I am blessed, and that is hope.  If I do not awake, I am with my creator, and that is hope.  Somehow hope is the cure to all suffering, even if I never feel better.  

    My husband is a look forward kind of guy, and he refuses to accept despair.  He always is looking for a way to move on, get to the other side, and make something work.  When I look at all the time that went into this kitchen, I know and feel his energy in this space.  He is a visionary, and he knows the benefit of not looking back.  I love that about him.  He would work away in this kitchen every evening, his power tools buzzing, and the buzz was infectious.  It drew me out of my dark room, my dark space.  He is so proud of his work, and he stands strong in his conviction that a woman’s kitchen is very important.  He is correct, and I love him for knowing that, for giving me that kind of respect.  

    I only hope that he feels this kind of respect from me.  What is important to him?  I know the things that make him feel loved, secure, and happy.  Funny enough, what I fix for dinner has a lot to do with my husband’s happiness.  These days we have been eating like we were on skid row. I have not been in this kitchen for some time, and I miss it. So, last night I decided to cook even though I felt horrible.  I made a roasted chicken, roasted potatoes, and steamed asparagus and broccoli.  I picked up a little and did a load of his work shirts.  It was a labor of love, but I wanted to surprise my husband and show him how much I love my new appliances, how much I appreciate him.  It was yummy, and everyone devoured the home cooked meal.  Later that evening as I was brushing my teeth, my husband popped his head around the corner and said, “The house feels nice.”  He has missed me running things, when I am out of commission the whole house suffers.  He enjoyed the evening because his woman was working her magic, her nurturing magic.   My mouth was full of toothpaste, so i couldn’t respond.  But, I know he knows.  I hope he knows that I love him for loving me and the job I do.  There is an unspoken bond between us, the bond of traveling together for half my life now, and almost half of his.  Words are not always necessary anymore. 

    Marriage is a double edged sword.  It slices and dices, and then it puts things all together again.  All the pieces come together as I sit in this kitchen and I feel the real gift that my husband gave me, the gift he is.  He gives me hope, he makes me smile, he makes me feel safe, and I love him for that.

    faith · summer

    Family Reunion

        In the foyer of my house, just as you enter the front door, a tall wooden bookshelf stands just to the left, and  it is filled with pictures of family, some very old, and some very recent.  I have pictures of four of my great-great grandparents in the cluttered shelves, and alongside the black and white photos lean frames of all different shapes, sizes, and styles filled with the full color images of the people we love and want to remember forever.  My parents, my husband’s parents, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, they are all there reminding us to pray, reminding us to love.   One particular photo, my favorite actually, is of my Papa when he was a teenage boy.  It is black and white, but I can easily imagine the colors.  He is dressed like the Marlboro Man, black cowboy hat, straight leg dark blue jeans, pointed toe cowboy boots, and a white pearl button shirt.  He is so handsome and young in the picture, I love thinking of him this way.  All of the pictures are wonderful, and almost everyday I look at them and I remember.


      On another wall in the family room, pictures hang of a different kind, they are called icons, they are paintings of the holy saints that we are named after ( Orthodox converts have two names, our birth name and our church name).  When a child is baptized, or a person is received into the family of God through the anointing of oil and a confession of faith, what is called Chrismation, they are named.  In the Orthodox Church it is a honor and a privilege to be named after a holy saint, a person who loved Christ and is worthy to follow.  My church name is Anna, named after Mary’s mother.  Slade is named Joseph, in honor of Jesus’ foster father.  Adalay is named Anastasia, after a holy princess of Constantinople.  Caroline is named Hannah, after Samuel’s mother.  Sophia is named Sophia, after a saint who loved orphans.  Elinor is named Helen, after the mother of Constantine, and a champion for Christianity.   

        Also hanging on the wall is an icon of Jesus, and one of Mary holding her son Jesus when he was just a baby.  In every icon of Mary, she is pictured with her son.  She is never alone.  This is to remind us of our need for Christ and hers as well.  The icons are beautiful, and surprisingly they are hanging for the same reason the family photos are resting on the shelves in the foyer.  They remind us to pray and to love.  They remind us that we belong to a great family, the family of God.

       
        As I look at the photos of my family in the foyer, I know that the image is not them.  The image only allows me to contemplate the essence of that person, how much I love them, what things I want to emulate, the memories I cherish, and the hope that I will see them soon, and if they are deceased the hope that I will see them again.  Icons are no different. However, an icon does more than a photo in that it portrays what flesh can become through Christ, sort of like a spiritual glamour shot.  And this is the heart of Christianity.  Flesh can be saved, glorified, deified because Christ became man.  Oh the glorious incarnation.  Because of Christ, a man or woman can become a saint, they can be written in a holy icon only because Christ Himself became man.  Because of Christ…all because of Christ. 
       This year at our annual family reunion, my mother’s family gathered at their usual spot in Plano, Texas.  We all converged on the hotel for two days of food, swimming, laughter, tears, and sharing.  This year was the fourth year that my Papa was not with us after a fatal farm accident.  It is his family that we are celebrating, his brothers and sisters, my great aunts and uncles.  Out of nine children, my Papa’s brothers and sisters, five are left; two of them in their nineties.  As I bent to kiss their thin soft skin, all but one dependent on wheelchairs and walkers, I took their smell in, so much like my Papa’s, and I knew I may not see Aunt Marge or Aunt Farris next year.  I took lots of pictures.  Heaven may be our next meeting, and I long to see my Papa, and I dread the death that is inevitable for my aging loved ones.  It’s hard to let go of earth and believe in heaven.     
        And then I remember the icons, and I ponder the family reunion that heaven will be.  If I never see any of these precious aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins again, I pray we meet in heaven.  I think of unity and how heaven will be the cure to my heartache, no more separation, no more death.   Icons are unapologetic reminders that heaven is real, and that only saints see heaven.  I will die someday, but I will live forever.      
        In Christ, I do not fear death, or the death of those I love.  The sting of death is taken right out of me when I gaze upon the icon of Christ, when I pray full of faith and hope in front the icon of Saints Joachim and Anna. 
       When I look upon the picture of my Papa, or when I see my own reflection, I remind myself:  it is not my own image, my own righteousness, my own strength, it is Christ, and His image, His flesh, that saves.  Every man is made in the image of God.  Pictures remind me of that.  Icons assure me of that.  Death where is you sting?  
        Their are those that look at my wall of icons and call me an idol worshiper.  I wonder if they look at my shelf full of family photos and think the same thing.  Both the wall and the shelf are a place that I honor those in my family that I love, both are a memorial of remembrance, both are a reminder of  the Image of God in all of us, both are a symbol of hope and sobriety.  


    The Church Militant  
    those alive and still struggling; me and you. 

    The Church Triumphant 
    those who are in heaven and praying for us.  The cloud of witnesses.