Category: faith

cooking · faith · family · homeschooling · learning · parenting

Fasting: What’s for Dinner Mom?

amandasextonLeave a comment

My kids ask what’s for dinner at the breakfast table.  They also wake up hungry and have very strong opinions about what they will and will not eat in the mornings.  Before I addressed this problem when my two oldest were younger, I felt like a short order cook.  I quickly began to realize that this demand, the demand of their little stomachs, was not a healthy thing.  So, I set about to get at the heart of the matter- I had breakfast ready, or almost ready before they woke up.  When they came into the kitchen in the morning there was only one option.  Also, if I did not get breakfast cooked in time I would give the girls two choices and that was it- take it or leave it.

When my husband was a child he was allowed to eat whenever, wherever, however, and as much as he desired.  His family hardly ever sat at the table, and he ate alone in front of his TV in his room.  He was not trained, or should I say his stomach was not trained.  As a result he is now an adult struggling with gluttony, he is a slave to cravings and addictions in this area.  He hates this, and is struggling to mature in this area by overcoming his passions.  In a real way, I think he understands true fasting, not because he is so great at it, but because he fails at it and keeps trying.

In my family, food was treated more organically.  I was raised on a farm, and my mother cooked nutritious meals.  We also sat at the table 99% of the time.  We did not have the money to eat out, so when we did it was a treat.  Most of our food came from a garden, and I developed a taste for fresh vegetables and farm raised meat.  I was not allowed to snack whenever I wanted, and sugar was a rare treat.  My mom loved to bake, and so I did not have all the packaged and processed sweet treats that my husband did.  Food was always about fellowship.  Our southern ways can sometimes backfire in that we think food defines an occasion.  This is definitely the case with me.  I have an expectation with food that desires a certain feeling.  Needless to say, I also struggle with keeping food in its rightful place.

When we became Orthodox I realized that I did indeed have passions and cravings, and so when the struggle began to follow the church’s fasting rule it was difficult. It is still difficult for me.  In my struggle I have tried to bring my children along with me.  I talk to them, we plan meals, and we share our struggles with one another.  Fasting has changed the way we eat, therefore it has changed the way we live.  In that sense, fasting is one of the most important parts of our homeschool life.  And fasting is not just about the days on the calendar when we are restricted from eating certain foods.  It is about the totality of our relationship with food.

I do not know all the aspects or spiritual benefits of fasting.  I have read alot about it, and I know our Lord fasted.  I also know that the Church has maintained the discipline for a reason. These facts are enough for me to trust the Church and make fasting a priority.  My goals for fasting change every year.  Some years we have fasted better than others, mostly due to pregnancy and breast feeding.  Since I am the main cook, it is hard for the rest of the family to fast during these times.

Here are just a few things I have learned about fasting with children.  These are great for adults too (I try to follow these things too, and I struggle):

  • Teach children to pray and thank God for their food.  This is number one in my book.
  • Do not allow a child to dictate what he/she will and will not eat.  This requires diligence and patience.  I see children who will not eat much of  anything, they are so picky.  This is something I feel strongly about, and I believe is the heart of training children to fast.
  • Train children to say please and thank you for food that is prepared for them or given to them.
  • Eat at the table as much as possible… together as a family.
  • Limit appetite triggering foods: sugar and junk food mainly. (This is a hard one.)
  • Set limits on how much or how little a child is allowed to eat.  This rule is very relational in our home.  A teenager eats more than a toddler.  A toddler is not always hungry.  There are different circumstances.
  • Teach children where their food comes from and how to cook themselves.
  • If a child refuses to eat a certain food, keep offering it for at least a year.  If a child refuses to eat all together, set their plate on the counter.  When they return and claim to be starving, offer them their plate.
  • Teach them to limit the amount of food that they put on their plates at coffee hour, buffets, and pot luck dinners.  Also, it does not hurt older children to get at the back of the line and learn to be content with what is left.
  • Let children eat when they are hungry, but watch out for boredom or emotional eating.
  • Keep celebrations and relate pleasure food with feasting times.  If we never fast, how can we feast?

My goals for this year in the area of fasting are:

  • Say a prayer of thanks over every piece of food that enters our mouths (this may be done silently at times).  Even at snack times.
  • Work together in the kitchen to prepare fasting meals that are nutritious.  Let the kids take on some of the fasting meal planning.
  • Stop eating right before we get full.  This will take alot of practice..over and over and over.

    Homeschooling families eat most of their meals together.  This is a real opportunity of grace.  I could write about the nature of fasting from my point of view, or how I believe deep in my heart, but I just do not feel qualified or ready for that.  But, I can say that training the stomach is a highly spiritual and physical struggle, and that is why it is a pillar of our daily homeschool life.  How do you teach your children to fast?  Do you have recipes you can share or ideas to make fasting meaningful?
    Let us encourage one another, and Happy Homeschooling! 

faith · family

Liturgcal Life: July

amandasextonLeave a comment

JULY 2013
July has been an eventful month.  There is been rain for the drought here in Texas, a short period of record breaking low temperatures, and now heat that can fry an egg on a sidewalk.  My family continues to care for me with such care and patience, and I am grateful to the bottom of my heart.  I have learned a few things about myself during this time that I hope I keep with me always.  Will I ever be the same again?  I pray not.  I do not have to do it all.  This season of lack in my spiritual and liturgical life has made me see myself in a deep way, and how much love and compassion God has for those who are weak.  Bottom line, I look at things wrong.  He truly is strong when we are weak.  My kids pray, attend services, and do special projects.  However, the reading list is mine.

What I am reading:
Mystical Theology of the Eastern Church
The Gnostic Gospels
The Waning on the Middle Ages

Special Prayers:

  • All prayers said at our altar are special at this point because we have slacked off due to the morning and evening routine being so different and difficult.  Our efforts are a team effort in this area.  I cannot even stand, so someone pulls a chair up for me.  Elinor is off schedule, so she usually lays in the floor and whines until I make her sit in my lap and just be quiet.
  • We are all saying special prayers for the birth of Samuel and for his health.  We pray for me, and for Good Strength to get through this very difficult physical struggle.
  • We also prayed for the upcoming marriage of my oldest brother, and we continue to pray for the birth of my niece Emmelia who belongs to my youngest brother and his sweet wife. 
  • We continue to pray for my great aunt Marga who went to her rest this month.  May her memory be eternal.

Special Services:

  • The Betrothal & Crowning of my brother Joshua to Allison my precious new sister.  The wedding was beautiful.
  • Service at St. Arsenius Hermitage.
  • Service of Holy Unction for me and baby Samuel.

Special Projects:

  • Preparing the house for a new baby.  My husband has taken over the nesting duties, and I love watching him fold tiny sleepers and onsies.  He has done everything with the help of the girls.  I am a blessed Mama.

faith · homeschooling · learning

The Living Church Calendar

amandasextonLeave a comment

After completing my daily prayer plan, I then proceed to the Church calendar.  Until this year we have only tried to fully participate in the Major Feasts and Name Days.  This year I am adding additional feast days to the calendar.  For this step I first gather my supplies:

  • A Church Calendar for the current year.  I use the one that our parish offers for free.  For the new year I look up an Orthodox calendar online. (This also helps for moveable feasts.)
  •  My family calendar that has already been filled with possible extra-curricular activities. 
  • Curriculum planner that also includes a monthly block calendar.
  • A pencil with a good eraser.
  • Some scratch paper to jot down ideas that come to me while I am planning.
  • My laptop for quick references to my favorite websites for inspiration and direction.
  • Two copies of my daily prayer plan.

Then I dive in.  Here is the process:

  1.  Place all the Major Feasts on my calendars and block off days that I know we will need for Church services, crafts, field trips, activities, etc.  Here is where I use the websites for inspiration and ideas.  What are other Orthodox mothers doing during these days?  I search the web, and I use a book entitled  Making God Real in the Orthodox Christian Home.  I also have used The Children’s Garden of the Theotokos…what wonderful ideas for me, a beginner.  During this process I jot down ideas on my scratch paper with the dates, and a few activities we might do.  When the days get closer I finalize my plans and buy supplies if needed.
  2. I look at one of the daily prayer plans and label it Feast Days and decide what time of the day I can best fit in these activities.  I usually go for the morning, in place of our academic schedule, usually 10 AM to 12AM.  However, this year we are going to have a more fluid schedule due to the hours my two older children will be on the computer for academic classes.
  3. Then I go to my calendars and pencil in all the name days.  Name day activities usually happen in the evening when daddy gets home, maybe with some daily preparation.  That allows us to bake a cake or shop for a special meal.  Often we go out to eat for a name day, and that is very special.  My goal this year is to try and save any stories or special prayers on this day until dad gets home.
  4. This year my two older children are going to have a set academic schedule.  Therefore, I will have to be very flexible and plan according to what day of the week it is.  I have already adjusted wake times, 6th hour prayers, and lunch to accommodate their daily schedules.  The school that they will be attending is St. Raphael Orthodox Online Homeschool.  This is the first time I have ever had outside help with homeschooling, and I am super excited.  With the new baby, a toddler, and a pre-independent reader I am relieved to have the help.  This year feast activities will be at different times depending on which day of the week it is.
  5. Now that I have the Major Feasts and Name Days put into the calendar, then I go to the special saint days we would like to add.  This year I am using Reading Through the Year of Grace from St. Theophan Academy as a guide.  I will add web articles and books when I can find them for my older kids, but they seem to like picture books and crafts.  We will see.  I put down the saint day on my calendar, and then plan to touch on that saint sometime in that week.  When I finalize my calendar, I hope to offer it here as a PDF file on the free resources page.
  6. As our parish and the hermitage where we go make service times available I also put those on my calendar so that I do not plan alot of school work, major projects, or outside activities on that day.  I ALWAYS have conflicts in schedule, but that is where I discern.  I do not always get to attend services, but we try to make an effort.  This year has been really difficult due to a difficult pregnancy.

Websites to Help:
The Twelve Great Feasts
God is Wonderful in His Saints

  How do you fit in the feasts and saint days?  Are you feeling inspired?  Share with us, and Happy Homeschooling! 

faith · family · homeschooling · parenting

The Church Calendar: This is not a history lesson.

amandasexton2 Comments

You may be asking, “What in the world does she mean?  Aren’t the events on the Church calendar historical?”  Well, yes and no.  While all of the saints and events on the Church calendar are historical, in the sense that they did actually exist and historical events did take place, are they not also a part of our present and our future?  In a real way all of the feasts and days of commemoration are present and real.

I accepted this wholeheartedly when it came to Christ, He is eternal and the I Am.  The Trinity has no beginning or ending.  However, when it came to accepting the living presence of the saints that was another story.  We converts have a rough go of it. (I was raised Protestant, and later converted to Catholicism, only to find my home in the Orthodox Church).   And this is where I began to see the wonderful nurturing and loving aspect of the Church.  It’s as if we’ve been invited to a great feast.  In fact, the Church uses the word feast. Everyone who enters the Church is in essence entering the Great Paschal Feast, the resurrection and life of Christ.  All the saints who have gone before us reveal Christ.  And we homeschooling mothers get to open up this wonderful life of the Church, which is the life of Christ to our children.  How awesome is that?

However, this realization is not as easily walked out, and I continue to grow in this area.  Making the decision to center our homeschool plan around the Church calendar is one that I have struggled with.  Here’s why.  I may have to adjust our academic load. I have found that if we attend services,  participate in the readings, hymns, and commemorations,  and read books that correspond with a certain feast or saint we have to let go of some of my academic ideals.  We cannot do it all, and that is just the truth of it.

In the process of renewing my mind in this area, I have discovered that the pride of life is a major weakness and area of sin in me.  I am not saying that everyone who follows a strict academic rule is prideful.  Absolutely not.  This is just something I struggle with.  It is simply my desire for my children to succeed, perform, stand out, be smart, get into a great college, win spelling bees, and be affluent that drives me.  I envision that success in this world is what will make them happy (or better, what will make me happy), and so I fashion my goals, training , and curriculum with a secular mindset.  What is worse is I fear that if I fail my children in this area they will not succeed in life.  This kind of thought life, even heart life, is very toxic for a homeschool mother.  My perfectionism is the very root of my guilt when it comes to the training and raising of my children.

But, this is not my only option, I do not have to be a slave to this worldly system of fear.  There stands the Church, the Noah’s Ark of time, the timeless feast of Christ Himself; humbly and gently calling me to enter the feast.  And my eyes fill with tears.  Not because I am sad, but because I am safe.  The Church is the one place I can trust when it comes to nurturing and growing my children.  Even more so than my own arms.  In Christ, my children will become more than I could ever produce, even with the best academic education money can buy. In the Church they can become saints!

This is what I believe about the Church calendar, this is the potential.  What is available to us cannot be valued in any terms that I can describe.  And this is what I tell myself at homeschool book fairs, or when I see another homeschool mom who is organized, focused, and diligent with subjects that I simply do not have time for, or when I cannot check any boxes or record any progress, or when someone asks my seven year old who the president is and she has no clue, or when I feel alone, or when I feel like giving up.

My favorite book that helps me refocus and go deep within my heart to raise my children is Raising Them Right by Saint Theophan the Recluse.  I have read this book several times, and it is a good read before the homeschool year begins.

So while I think it is valuable to teach the historical aspects of the Church, at appropriate times and ages, what is more important for me is the active and dynamic participation in the Church calendar, the liturgical year, which is, not was, the Life of Christ.  This requires that my husband and I constantly evaluate our daily lives, our goals for our children, and the direction we are heading.  This is a hard work for those of us who pay bills and know that someday our children will have to pay bills too.  However, Christ asks us to trust Him, the Church shows us the way, and ultimately it is the Kingdom of God that we seek to enter.

 

Do you struggle with managing academics with Church life?  Do you have ideas or experiences tht would encourage and uplift us as we plan for the new school year? Please join in, and Happy Homeschooling! 

faith · family · homeschooling · learning · parenting

Prayer: The Cornerstone

amandasexton2 Comments

After writing the Prayer in Action post, I wanted to touch on a few details about prayer that I keep in my mind and heart as I homeschool my children.

  • Why is prayer the most important part of our homeschool?
  • What are our obstacles to prayer?
  • Going slow: attentiveness and attention.

Why is prayer the most important part of our homeschool?  I think this can be summed up rather quickly for me.  It is because prayer is, and I quote Abba Pimen, ” [where] we unite to God with our minds.”  There is a popular classical homeschool resource entitled The Well Trained Mind.  It is interesting to note that nowhere in that how-to book is prayer mentioned.  If Christ is the perfect man, body and soul, and prayer is the way that I unite with Him, why do I assume that the mind is not best placed in His hands?  Cannot God form the man in a way that does not diminish him/her in ANY way?  Acquiring  the mind of Christ IS the ultimate education.  I have nothing to fear.  Will my children be prepared for the real world, I ask?  Absolutely.  This is the Orthodox faith, this is our belief.

What are our obstacles in prayer?  The greatest obstacle in prayer for me is unbelief.  I do not believe fully that prayer is life.  Sadly, I believe algebra and Great Books, and dictation, and handwriting, and math facts, and histories, and art projects are more essential to the training of my child’s mind.  This is what I myself realize about homeschooling as an Orthodox Christian: I as the parent must believe.  When I do not, I must struggle to believe.  I must pray myself, and open my heart to Christ.  I must be in this world, but not of this world.  Distractions will indefinitely present themselves, but how I handle the distractions is what really matters.  Like the long phone conversations with my mother in the mornings, or the quick check of my email that turns into a sink whole, or how I schedule outside activities, or how I skip the third hour prayers in favor of finishing one last long division problem.  That does not even include the distractions of my mind and body, the worry, the fatigue, the stress, the shopping, and cooking, and cleaning, and disciplining…the list is limitless.  But, in the midst, prayer is still the most important thing, even when I fail and struggle.  I want  my children to see me struggle and keep going.  I want to bring them on this journey with me.

Going slow: attentiveness.  Prayer is not a race to the finish or a box I can check off.  Like, whew, that task is complete.  Prayer is life.  That means that I try to always keep in mind that I and my children should try to connect to the words we are praying.  This demands that we go slow.  Better to have shorter prayers and attentiveness than longer ones and distraction.  Standing before the icons silently for a minute or two before we pray helps.  Memorization through repetition helps.  Discussing certain prayers and what they mean helps.  Going slow is very helpful.  There is something to be said for just saying the prayers and forming habit, and this is definitely part of making prayer the top priority. But ultimately, I desire that my children connect to God, not just say their prayers.  How this exactly happens in their minds and hearts is a mystery, but I do know that being attentive is something that we must practice and practice and practice.

In the end, I must trust and believe.  God can and will provide.  I would like to conclude with a comment I received in a previous post on the subject of Orthodox Homeschooling:

Now that I have kids in college I can say that making the Church calendar our most important calendar was the wisest choice I made. If our kids don’t acquire the phronema then all other educational endeavors won’t matter. The mind of Christ is all we really need. A friend once told me that the most important thing we can teach our children is to pray, especially the Jesus prayer. She said God will enlighten us or reveal to us everything we need to know, when we need to know it, if our minds are full of prayer.
We acquire the mind of Christ organically not through any one set of “classes” but through prayer. St Gregory of Palamas was a great defender of prayer as being the way of acquiring wisdom and knowledge yet he was very educated himself.
You have put in words what I have known in my heart but wondered if my convictions were wrong because there was no boxes to checkoff or schedules to keep that would say ‘yes your kids are learning what they need to learn’
I still have a truck load of kids to get through home schooling and yes I am trying my best to teach them to read, write, and do math but as a less stressed mom wondering if they are getting it.

(BTW we have not perfected prayer by any means, just the understanding that prayer is the one thing needful.) ”

I think this mother pretty much sums it up. What are your thoughts?  Do you and struggle with prayer?  Are you further down the road and willing to offer your experience and wisdom?  Do you think prayer is the most important thing for the Orthodox Homeschool?  
I hope to hear from all of you.  
faith · family · homeschooling · learning · parenting

Prayer: In Action

amandasextonLeave a comment

Now that I have given a little background on my experience and homeschool outlook, let’s get down to to the where the rubber meats the road.  It’s fine and good to have these ethereal dreams and beliefs, but some thing has to be done, or this belief is worth nothing.

I highly recommend that you visit this website and read two posts on prayer.
Our Aim in Prayer
and
The Rule of Prayer

Quoting from the second article, I would like to begin this post with a confession.  Here is the quote:

“It is so easy to find people in the Church who will read and study a lot, and show great zeal in doing external works.  However, it is so hard to find people who will take time to struggle to pray. Why is this so?

The Elder Ephraim was once asked this question and immediate he said, “Yes, yes”; in this way confirming that this is absolutely true and then he went on to say:

Abba Pimen says that prayer is the most difficult of all virtues to acquire.  In prayer we free our minds from all the distractions of this world and we touch God with our minds.  In prayer we unite to God with our minds.  And the devil hates this therefore he does all that he can to stop us from accomplishing this.  In prayer we must concentrate on God, we must turn away from all thoughts and distractions and immerse our minds in God.”

My confession is that I struggle very hard with prayer.  I am one of those people who likes to study and read, but I struggle when it comes to prayer.  The truth is that we have had a very rocky road when it comes to establishing this cornerstone of our homeschool life.  There are mornings when we get up late, and in my foolishness I will skip prayers in favor of chores, breakfast, and sadly just so we can start real school.

In fact, it seems that on the mornings when we skip prayers and scripture readings our day goes better.  How strange is that?  But, in the above articles I think the author alludes to why this is so, “…the devil fights against us most at that time so then we must be persistent.”  Not diminishing the fact that I am to blame, however I we have an enemy.  And he fights us when we pray.

This is where planning is so crucial, and I think very necessary.  With a plan we can persist, and we can continue to practice prayer.  It’s our Rule of Prayer.  I start with the day- just one day isolated and looked at in its fullness.   Prayer is the cornerstone, the most important thing we will do in the day, therefore I put prayer before anything else on the schedule.  This does not ensure that I will treat prayer as the most important daily work, but it does keep me accountable, and reminds me to keep trying.  Here are a few tips that help ensure that I pray with my children .

  1. Establish a waking time for myself.  This is crucial for prayer.  In the evening prayers we pray, “Raise me up again in proper time that I may sing my morning hymn.”  In proper time....  For me, this has always been a semi- early waking time.  I strongly desire a time alone before the children get up.  I like to pray my personal prayers, read the daily readings, and have my coffee.  I also like to get breakfast started and start some laundry.  7 AM is a good time for me.
  2. Establish a waking time for the children.  Considering the different age groups in our house, and the fact that we are adding a new addition in a few days, it has always worked for us that the children all get up at the same time.  That means that I do not require a very early waking time for kiddos.  Between 8 and 8:30 is good.
  3. Determine our Scripture reading and lives of saints study method.  I have used many, but what has stuck with us is to read scripture together before we leave the breakfast table, during lunch we read the lives of the saints- feed the body and soul at the same time.  Make the connection.  I have used all  kinds of materials to do this.  Right now I am planning to read the Old Testament throughout this year.  We will see how this goes.  The littles might abandon us, but as long as they linger and hear, maybe playing with blocks on the kitchen floor or play dough at the counter, that is good enough for me.   Also, I have abandoned the short snippet stories of the saints for this season in favor of books that go deeper into the life and piety of a saint.  I ask my spiritual father for suggestions in this area, and he is always spot on as far as the books he suggests.
  4. Make sure to plan evening prayers even though the school day is over.  My husband usually leads these prayers using A Prayer Book for Orthodox Christians.  And then our day of prayer is finished.  I encourage the children to say there own prayers before they fall asleep.

Note:  The website Orthodox Prayer, linked above, is really a wonderful place to learn about prayer.  It has examples, explanations, and articles that are truly helpful.

What is your family’s Prayer Rule, and are you willing to share?  What works for you and yours?  I hope this post helps motivate and encourage.
Happy Homeschooling! 

  

faith

Religious or Spiritual…That is the Question

amandasexton2 Comments

I recently read a wonderful post at Father Stephen’s blog that addressed a subject that I  love to explore.  I commented on his post, and that prompted me to post it here with a few additions.  Fr. Stephen’s blog is a wonderful read and worth a visit.

My comment: 

The challenge is to examine and go deep within ourselves and question what being “spiritual” really means. Modern day spirituality rejects religion, but nowhere can I find that religion rejects spirituality. Religion is primarily an acceptance of “forms”. To be religious is to be bound to a state of life, a set of forms and conduct that indicate a belief in God. And isn’t belief in God and the unseen the epitome of spirituality?

So I asked myself this question, what conduct indicates faith in God, what form, what practice? I was hard pressed to find anything that better expressed belief than prayer. Prayer is actually talking to God within my heart. Prayer connects me to God, who is Spirit.   Regular, rote, and repetitious is what spiritual people really abhor.  But, I ask?  What is so non spiritual about regular prayer?  What is wrong with using rote prayer to ensure regularity in dry times?  And repetition…what is better for ease than a heart that has memorized prayer.  Repetition programs the heart to pray and pray without ceasing.  How can a spiritual man accuse a man of regular, rote, and repetitious prayer of not being spiritual without great presumption?     

Fasting is a natural spiritual expression even for spiritualists…have you noticed all the health and natural food ideology present in modern day spiritualism? Even new age religions acknowledge the need for the human to cleanse and purify.  Fasting is a part of religion, but I find it to be a difficult spiritual struggle in that it requires my flesh to submit to my spirit.  It brings these two realities into better harmony, and in essence it makes me more like Christ who was the perfect harmonious man.

Almsgiving is not exclusively about money…in its deepest since it is about mercy, a kind of pity that breaks the heart of the giver. It just so happens that money is a readily available resource. But one is reminded of the apostle’s words, “Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give I thee.” Even those who have no currency are still expected to give what we have been given and give with a broken heart full of mercy and joy, and that is not a religious mandate or a sterile practice. It is life giving and extremely spiritual.

Prayer, fasting, and almsgiving; these are the three religious practices that Christ himself observed.

 He also participated in the Jewish rituals, but when he is questioned about how he observed those rituals he responded, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” True religion always acknowledges and maintains that its practices, rituals, and forms are for man and meeting the needs of the spiritual man. Incense is for man, not man for incense. Candles are for man, repetition is for man, vestments are for man, cathedrals are for man, icons are for man. If it were not so then we would be no better off than those who offered these things to a dead god in fear of His /Her wrath or seeking favors or protection. We would be pagans.

So what do we need as spiritual creatures that religion provides? Why do we need external forms and repetition? I think it is because I am dying, and the process of dying includes the awful loss of memory. I easily forget that there is a God, and I have to have forms to tether me to God. Religion and ritual is first and foremost an exercise of memory. In etymological terms one of the meanings of religion is re-”again” + legere- “read”. Without the rereading men forget. And I think the modern world has cut off its nose to spite its face…in its presumption, thinking that spirituality absent of religion was the way to become spiritual, it has lost its mind, its memory, its remembrance of God. Therefore it has lost also its spiritual health.

The Eucharist as the Savior instituted it is a ritual “in remembrance.” All the rituals that spiritual people claim make up dead religion are not tolls, or payments, or requirements for membership. They are needful and in the purest since spiritual because they meet the needs of man as he is, both body and soul. True religion is always spiritual because it proclaims the incarnation, the seen and unseen, and it tethers these two worlds together, these two realities. To be spiritual without religion is to put these two worlds or realities at odds, to elevate the unseen over the seen. And this to me is to deny the Gospel and to not be Christian. The Gospel is the good news. That good news is best revealed by the incarnation, God loves man. God came in the flesh observing all the laws of nature, and physics, and anatomy, and physiology, and chemistry, and even gynecology. His ascendancy over the laws of nature were miracles, the miraculous power of the Holy Spirit. And the sacraments, rituals, and religious practices are miraculous also, in that they confer on this dead flesh the life giving energy, or grace of God. How awesome is that!

 I have a “guilty secret”, I forget, I start off good, but I end up treating holy things with contempt; most tragically my neighbor, my brother. I do not have spiritual eyes to see that I am standing in the midst (in my neighborhood) of the holy and that everything bears the weight of God’s glory. Thank God for religion, and the very little I have. Possibly the most meaningful and needful thing I have found in Orthodoxy is the repetitious reminder, “Wisdom, Let us Attend.”

cleaning · faith · family · parenting · pregnancy

Liturgical Life: May & June

amandasexton2 Comments

Well, I have not posted in quite some time.  I have been spending ALL my energy growing a baby.  I have a litany of illnesses, pains, and problems I could share, but why bother?  All is well with baby, and that is the most important thing.  My struggles, when discussed, sound like complaints and bitterness.  I am sure those two ingredients are in the cake mix, but there is also joy, and great expectations, and pleasure.  It’s all there mixed up together, and the timer is about to buzz, and out will come the yummy deliciousness of a baby.  Don’t babies just make you want to eat them up?  The hot time in the oven is worth a cake any day.

So, this Liturgical Life post is going to be a little unorthodox, in the sense that I am going to post about the liturgy of just living.  I have no great books, or prayers, or services, or projects to report.  No, we have nothing to share in the traditional sense, but I do have a story.  The liturgical story I can honestly tell is one that is hard to put into words.  When something is hard to say, it usually means it was hard to understand.  Our liturgical life from May through June has been hard to understand.  But, life is not always easy to understand, especially if I am trying to put everything in a check the box kind of list.  So, here goes, I hope I say this right:

What we are reading:
A wonderful book lies on the side table in the living room.  We are on chapter something, I cannot remember.  What we have read is enough for me to have a certain heartbreak every time I look at its cover.  The girls asked about it for a while after we stopped reading it, but now they have stopped.  It’s stories are haunting, in the sense that they are wonderful; a truly humble priest who loves God very much struggles for himself and those around him in a Communist labor camp in Communist Russia.  Why did I stop reading it?  Because I imagine I cannot.  Because I am tired.  The very thing that might cure my weariness is the hardest thing to do.  This realization is humbling, and I know who I really am…no spiritual giant, no hero, no suffering servant.  I am a sinner.  I have deep seated faults and weaknesses.  Lord Jesus have mercy on me and help me.    
 Father Arseny, 1893-1973: Priest, Prisoner, Spiritual Father

I have read the books of Hebrews, Galatians, and Ephesians, in that order.  I have been meditating on righteousness, and what it means to be a friend of God.  I have cried out to the Lord for years to help me with guilt, the kind of guilt that is unhealthy and a result of perfectionism, pride, and self-righteousness.  In this very unproductive season of my life, a time when I am forced to stop production and just rest, I am experiencing the righteousness of Christ Jesus.  I wrote a little expository piece entitled A Persistence in Innocence that I may share in the future.  But, for now I am contemplating the finishing work of Jesus and the revelation that He is.  He is the full revelation of God and Man.  He alone is perfect, and I am His.  I have not included my children in these readings, but on a heart level I believe they are experiencing Christ through the work of grace going on in my heart.         

Special Services:
 PASCHA May 5
Ascension June 13
Pentecost June 23

We have not attended any special services outside of Sunday Liturgy (we have missed some Sunday Liturgies due to my hip pain) and the above listed.  This Saturday we did go to the Hermitage for Liturgy, but my comment afterwards to my husband was this, “Is it wrong that the only reason I went to the service today is because I love Father Gregory so much, and I miss him?”  I have not been able to talk with Father Gregory, our spiritual father, very much in the last few months.  He has called several times to check on me and the family, but I have not seen him.  In a very real sense I believe that there are times in our life when people are Christ to us.  Sometimes we have a hard time with the unseen, and men and women of God help us to hold onto the faith.  I see Christ in Father Gregory, I feel safe resting in his piety and love, and I long to be with him when I feel weak.  A monk is a special gift to the church, and Father Gregory is a blessing to our family.

Special Projects:

This section is a tribute to my husband, and especially my daughters.  To be in the service of another, to bear their burdens, and to bind their wounds is the very essence of Christ.  My daughters have had to bare a large burden sense I have been unable to work, cook, or plan activities.  They have cooked, watched little ones, kept the laundry going, and cleaned while I have been down.  Their little ways make me feel very vulnerable, and I have learned a lot watching them as they obey and serve.  It has been hard at times, and attitudes and tempers flare as we are all stretched and pushed.  However, the love they have shown and what they have had to do is the true work of salvation.  Although I struggle with guilt and anger about them having to care for me, I also know that if I shelter them from this time of service I will rob them of a true grace.  This is not to say that I will always depend on them at this level, and I definitely do not want to take advantage of them or hurt them.  I look forward to things getting back to some semblance of normal.  But, this is a special time, and a very special project.  It has definitely been ugly at times, the house looks like kids have been running it, as my oldest daughter would say.  But, we are a family and we are pulling together, and that is very special.     

         

faith · family · parenting · pregnancy

Do We Have Another?

amandasextonLeave a comment

table.tableizer-table { border: 1px solid #CCC; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; } .tableizer-table td { padding: 4px; margin: 3px; border: 1px solid #ccc; } .tableizer-table th { background-color: #104E8B; color: #FFF; font-weight: bold; }

Physical Economic Psychological Social Work Load
Severe morning sickness Extra eating out expense Guilt from neglect of kiddos Family will be very stressed by the news Older children will take on a lot
Weight gain and stress on bladder due to very large babies. Maternity clothes Frustration at not being able to accomplish all that I need to. Older children experience social neglect and being bored Daily chores and responsibilities become very hard to get done
Lack of sleep and severe back pain Buying new things for baby and doctor visits Fear about approaching c-section. Family very stressed at watching me at the end of pregnancy Not able to garden or work outside much.
Possible diabetic and swelling episodes…5 c-sections and scar tissue Paying for hospital and doctor Unable to be intimate and feeling very fearful and disconnected Decisions are made solely around the preg. outings, play dates, trips, etc.

I found this journal entry that I made over a year ago, and it only reflects my pregnancy experiences.  Missing from this chart are the countless additions that could be added as a child grows.  But, I guess on this day I was just thinking of pregnancy and all that comes with it.  When I look at this chart I am really blown away by the things that I worry about and struggle with when I am pregnant.  Father Sergius, in a wonderful homily, commented that whatever vocation or situation a person finds themselves in, it can be a great opportunity for holiness.  I have to admit that each of the struggles listed above have not always been met with holiness.  In fact, quite the opposite.  Like when I am severely sick and throwing up twelve times a day.  Things get ugly.  Suffering in the body has always been a very difficult struggle for me.  The chart is a record of the areas where my trust in God is challenged and stretched, but I think it is also a record of just how very human I am.    

I have always wanted more babies, but getting them here is hard on me and my family.  I have been accused of being idealistic and not truly evaluating my situation.  Those who love me test me.  I think this spreadsheet was an examination of my conscience and me trying to get real about the facts of my pregnancies.  It is not hard for me to see the positives of having a baby, but apparently I overlook some of the facts.  I would not necessarily call these concerns negatives, just struggles.

In the end, the positives outweighed the struggles.  However, for us, the concerns are important, and the process of discernment is taken seriously.  Were any of the reasons enough to keep from becoming pregnant a sixth time?  Obviously not.

Only God truly knows the motives of our hearts, and it takes courage to be honest with ourselves and with others.  To be humble and obedient no matter what we face as a married couple has been and will continue to be a hard work.  Saying, “We are done,” is a frightful statement, and one that has been impossible in the past.  As we discern and make important family decisions I pray for mercy and wisdom.  I also pray for courage and a willingness to be honest.  If the decision to stop is made, it will be out of our weakness, and it will not be something that we shout from the rooftops.  Children are such a blessing, and to not be open to another is a sad thing for us.  It is difficult to be honest about where we truly are in this decision.  It is difficult to balance obedience with common sense.  It is difficult to admit that things are not always black and white.  It is difficult to let others judge while following our conscience.  These are our true struggles.


Everybody wants to know, and it is almost the first question they ask me when I tell them the good news of our first son, “Is this your last one?”  It’s sad really, like we only had this many to have a boy.   Is it ever right to limit the number of children we have?  Searching for the answer to that question over the years has uncovered so many unanswered questions and revealed so many weaknesses.  It has also made me confront my unbelief and challenged my hypocrisy.  How then shall we live…with this knowledge….with this faith…now how do we live.  To walk out the faith is a fearful thing.

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed–not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence–continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling… 
Philippians 2:12       
faith

Good Strength for the Struggle

amandasextonLeave a comment

As we drove into the recycling plant I could feel the buzz of the workers, the dump tucks, and the bulldozers, and I was fascinated.  I said to the girls, “Look at how much stuff we throw away.  Where do you think it all goes?”  Into the ground, into a melting pot, into a grinder, broken down to it’s smallest elements and made into something new.








As Lent marches on, I imagine heaven is like the recycling plant, working overtime in full capacity during a time of throwing away, cleaning out, digging under piles; a time when the saints of God get organized, spruced up, trimmed down, and washed clean.  What does God do with all of the trash, with all of our sin?  He throws it all into the sea, forgotten and removed.  I imagine that this sea is like the big hole that the yellow dump truck pushes sky high piles of trash into; then covers it all up with dirt.  In time all the trash is consumed by the earth and forgotten.

Other things like metal, tires, paper, and plastics are sent to be recycled.  Something that was new became old and used up, and then through a process of regeneration it is made useful again.  I hope that this time of regeneration, this process of repentance is taking the used up, worn out, and damaged parts of my life and making them useful, needful, and new.




Saturday’s family cleaning day has left my pregnant back feeling strained and tired.  The garage, shop, barn, back patio, and art room are cleaned and beautiful again, but it was a labor.  My back screamed at me in services yesterday as I prostrated before the Holy Cross, and I wondered if I would make it.  On the third Sunday of Great and Holy Lent the Veneration of the Holy Cross offers an oasis for the aching soul that has been laboriously working.  Does my soul feel as weary as my back?  I asked myself that question as I listened to the hymns of commemoration.  Do I struggle spiritually as much as I do physically?  Is my soul in need of a refreshing as much as my back is in need of a rest?  Is my spiritual house coming into some kind of order?

On April the 6th our county offered a free cleanup day.  Everything we brought to the recycling facility was accepted, even trash, and it was free.  A service like that is hard to pass up, and the line of cars and pickups, most of them hauling a trailer of junk, attested to that fact.  No dumping fees, it was entirely free, and the workers were happy to accommodate.  Everyone benefits from a cleanup day.  The county is safer, more functional, and most importantly it is more beautiful.


In the same way God offers the free gift of forgiveness, but it is a labor to repent. No fees, just work. An offer like that is hard to pass up, and I hope that my struggle is worthy of the gift. Am I becoming more beautiful? Am I taking advantage of the grace offered during Great and Holy Lent?  Christ is our example, as His whole life was a labor of love.  He is not a man without knowledge of my struggle, and as I listened to the reading in Hebrews yesterday morning my heart was pierced,

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.

Read the whole text here.

 And I remembered another scripture that has always humbled me and made me want to cling to Christ.
In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.   Hebrews 12:4 
He was tempted just as we are, He resisted to the point of shedding blood, and He did not sin.  And yet what is piercing, what is beyond comprehension, is that He empathizes with my weaknesses.  He understands.  He is perfect, and He feels compassion for me, a sinner.  This process of regeneration, of repentance, and labor is a journey of love.  God’s recycling plant is fueled by love, empathy, and patience, with communion as its final destination.  My beauty has everything to do with communion with God.  And this is something to struggle for and to labor to attain.  The suffering of the soul that struggles against sin, that labors for beauty, is held by the love and understanding of a compassionate God.

When Elder Paisios was asked, “What should I think about during Lent,” he answered,
You should think of the Passion, the sacrifice of Christ. We monks must continuously live the Passion of Christ, and we are helped in this daily through the various troparia hymns – all the Services. We are given the greatest opportunity during Great Lent to struggle and participate more in the saving Passion of Christ, with repentance and prostrations, with the cutting off of the passions and the decreased food, for the love of Christ.We must utilize, as much as we can, this spiritual arena, with the many opportunities and preconditions it gives us to approach closer to the Crucified Christ, to be helped by Him and rejoice in His Holy Resurrection spiritually changed, since we would have lived Great Lent more spiritually.I pray you good strength during Great Lent, that you may climb Golgotha to be near Christ, together with the Panagia and your Patron St. John the Theologian, and that you may participate in the fearsome Passion of our Lord. Amen.
         – The words of Elder Paisios the Athonite monk



I pray us all Good Strength.  May we enter the back stretch of Lent refreshed by the Holy Cross, and continue our journey with renewed commitment in full anticipation.  The Resurrected King is Coming!