The Angel Cried
Absolutely one of my favorites!
Author: amandasexton
I am a wife, mother, writer, and reader. I also homeschool my five kiddos in a very eclectic style, 13 years deep. I am a Texas girl, Orthodox Christian, and l love to cook! I write about nurturing the heart, mind, and body.
The Reveal to Grandpa
Wow…this is precious!
Sophie the Feminist & Cage Fighters
We were riding along in the car the other afternoon, and Sophia (8 years old) made a comment in response to a discussion we were having about boys. She said, “Yeah, but, girls are smarter than boys.”
Addy turned to me and said, “I think Sophie is the biggest feminist out of all of us.”
Sophie chimed in from the back of the Suburban, “What is a feminist?”
“It’s a person who thinks girls are better than boys, or who thinks girls can do anything boys can do.” Addy tried to explain in a way that Sophie could understand. I think she underestimates her sister.
“Well, girls are smarter than boys because when boys grow up they want to be cage fighters,” Sophie protested.
“There are girl cage fighters too, Sophie.” Caroline joined the conversation with a fact.
Sophie was still adamant, “If a girl wants to be a cage fighter then she’s just weird.”
Cage fighter…that’s how I would describe a feminist. Yep, that’s it…cage fighter.
Disclaimer: This post is meant in a good spirit of fun…although a bit sarcastic.
Not……
Bright Week
We made it! That’s what I keep thinking as I am cleaning out the fridge..all the leftover fasting dishes going to the scraps. (We have a septic system which means no garbage disposal.) I hope the neighborhood dogs like veggies in the scrap pile…hehe!
I emptied containers of bean salad, coleslaw, a bit of refried beans, orzo pasta with artichokes and capers, and I was doing pretty good until I came upon a container of hummus. The site of that evoked an emotional response. I am sick of hummus! And then a few minutes later I was half tempted to eat the last little bit for lunch. I guess in a way it’s hard for this to be over. So much of Lent revolves around the kitchen, and an Orthodox kitchen is truly a spiritual place. So much of the Christian faith is centered in the home.
And on that thought…
Lisa A shared a series of talks on her blog entitled The Good Wife: Five Lectures on the Christian Ideal.
The first lecture is free, and the remaining are only $10 for the complete download. Well worth the donation!
The Christian ideal of womanhood is beautiful. I have been thinking this week about brightening up my home, and then I saw this over at OCN…
BRIGHT WEEK- the week after Lent in which we continue to practice the spiritual values we gained over the last 40 days.
I thought, “What spiritual values did I gain over the last forty days?” What values must I practice to brighten our lives…our home? I can think of several.
Patience
Humility that calms anger
Kindness
Less talking
and most of all…
Consistency
I hope your Bright Week is exceptional. How are you recouping, feasting, and practicing?
Our Bright Week has been good so far.
Monday we had steaks from the grill. Tuesday we went to vespers at the hermitage and shared a meal with the small community that is forming there. (So excited about that.) Today we went to the park, and I am grilling hamburgers for dinner. Thursday I hope I can get in my garden and plant a few things. Friday Addy is going to a homeschool prom party! Caroline is spending the night with her best friend. Slade, the littles, and I are having ice cream sundaes. The weekend is full with piano recital practice and St. Thomas Sunday.
What are your plans for Bright Week? Anything special?
Pascha Joy
I got the call early in the week. It was my mother, and she told me that the two chanters at her very small Greek parish in Wichita Falls were going to be out of town on Holy Saturday and Pascha. I knew what was coming next, and I was terrified.
“If we cannot find anyone to fill in would you and the girls be willing to help?”
Last year we traveled to my mother’s parish for Pascha, and we were going again this year. My sweet mother had arranged all of it. Last year our whole family was together; my parents, grandmother, two brothers and their wives, our nephew, and us. We all stayed at a hotel and went to services together. It was wonderful, and I was so looking forward to this again. And then the call… the request that immediately changed my relaxed anticipation into fear.
I said yes. I could have said no. But, somehow I sensed that this was a wonderful gift our family could give Jesus for Pascha. I wanted to give Him a gift by helping the Church in Wichita Falls. I love my mother’s church, a country church with no pretensions. Cradle Orthodox tell me all the time that I know more about the faith than they do. This comment makes me cringe. I want to tell them, “What does knowing have to do with anything? You are here, you have always been here, in the Church, living and breathing the life of the Church. I am nothing.” That’s how I feel about this little church in West Texas that has held on to the faith in not so friendly conditions. It humbles me. It also amazes me, the care that Christ has for His Church, even very small churches in the middle of nowhere. No domes, no choir or traditional chanters, not even traditional icons. However, the heart of the Church is Christ, and He is everywhere present. He lives in the people who sing the joyous Paschal hymns.
I spent all of Holy Week preparing for the services of Holy Saturday and Sunday. My whole family pitched in, and it stretched us. We are in no way professional singers or chanters. However, we know enough to sing. And I have learned that we all know enough to sing! Every Orthodox Christian can and must sing Pascha! It is in the sweet melodies of the heart that Christ is hymned, remembered, worshiped, and glorified.
I had many plans for cleaning, cooking, and preparing for Pascha. But, all of those plans were let go as I prepared for the real Pascha. Let us now lay aside all earthly cares. There is something very wonderful about stretching oneself beyond the limits of knowledge and ability. It is truly in our weakness that we can experience the righteousness of Christ. It is when we feel that we cannot go on that we learn to lean on the one who can and does go on…unto the Ages of Ages. I remember Abraham who did not lose his faith as he considered the weakness of his flesh….
And being not weak in faith, he considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sara’s womb. Romans 4:19
As Adalay and I set out very early on Saturday morning for the two hour trek to Holy Cross in Wichita Falls, I prayed once again, “Lord please send just one Greek lady that knows the special hymns in Greek, and Lord please receive my song, however off tune and choppy it sounds. I am just a baby, and I feel very vulnerable.”
And God provided. Out of the congregation He provided. He provided a wonderful woman visiting from Dallas that was once a choir director in San Antonio, she sang the special hymns in Greek. An elderly gentlemen whose wife is dying with cancer came and sang Gladsome Light in Greek, and as the tears rolled down his cheeks I thought, “This is the Church.” My daughter, Adalay, sang her heart out, and was moved by her participation. I could sense the work being done in her heart. Caroline helped her daddy with Samuel and the littles. It was a team effort,a family effort. This Pascha was so moving, my best so far as a convert. It was not the most put together, and I have definitely been more prepared and polished in the past, but it was the most real. It seemed that this Pascha made all things new.
And as we drove home, our bellies full of the lamb from the spit and baklava, I looked at my car loaded up with all the goodies that the wonderful women of Holy Cross baked and gave to us, I saw all the Easter eggs, I saw all the bags and blankets and pillows, and I smiled. I watched my bobble headed kiddos sleep, too tired to talk but oh so happy. I felt very full, full of joy.
We drove home in the rain, much needed rain. The day just kept getting better.
My brother called me at 10:00 Sunday night, and he said, “Well sis, Jesus sent a flood on Pascha.” He said he had never seen it rain so hard, and that he had gone out in his front yard and looked up and cried with thanks. We are in exceptional drought, the kind of drought that makes farmers and ranchers panic, and cities scramble to provide for citizens, and lakes dry up completely. Scary drought. But, Jesus sent a flood on Pascha. It will not cure the drought, but it is our hope. Rain does still fall from the sky.
Pascha is a flood! Pascha is like a flood in a drought! Christ is the rain for every parched heart. He is risen, and His flood washes away our sicknesses, our burdens, our sin. We worship His third day resurrection.
My friend and I spoke on the phone this morning, sharing Pascha stories…Pascha joy. She told me, “I cannot believe I have to wait another year to do this again.” I thought later, “You don’t.” Pascha is our present, an eternal present, and eternal feast of joy!
Chimes of the Heart
….a few thoughts this week, random chimes of my heart.
“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Anna Karenina.
Health is singular, but a man can be sick in a million different ways.
There is but one way to be truly human, Christ alone. There is a million different ways to be devilish.
But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7
I stood at my coffee pot, pouring a cup after a sleepless night, and I prayed 1 Samuel 16:7. I thanked God that he takes care of my heart. He is not obsessed with outward appearances, as I am. He has my heart. He is instructing my heart.
“Everyone comes to the Liturgy with something different they want to pray about. Everyone participates in their own way, ” my Spiritual Father. A challenge to come even when full participation is impossible. A mother in Liturgy participates in the way she can.
And finally…a favorite from Shakespeare. This Sonnet speaks to me about the pain of unreasonable desire. Sin is always unreasonable.
SONNET 147
My love is as a fever, longing still
For that which longer nurseth the disease,
Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,
The uncertain sickly appetite to please.
My reason, the physician to my love,
Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,
Hath left me, and I desperate now approve
Desire is death, which physic did except.
Past cure I am, now reason is past care,
And frantic-mad with evermore unrest;
My thoughts and my discourse as madmen’s are,
At random from the truth vainly express’d;
For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright,
Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.
God is Love
“God is love.” This is, for me, the greatest theological truth.
May we struggle to forgive those who have hurt us. May we beg mercy from those we have hurt….
All that this week is, it is nothing without Love.
Enlighten my mind with the light of understanding of Thy Holy Gospel; my soul with the love of Thy Cross; my heart with the purity of Thy word; my body, with Thy passionless Passion. Keep my thought in Thy humility, and raise me up at the proper time for Thy glorification. For most glorified art Thou, together with Thine unoriginate Father, and the Most Holy Spirit, unto the ages. St. Antiochus
Memory Eternal
Please pray for my father-in-law who went to his rest last night. He has struggled with kidney disease for some time. Also pray for our family. May God grant us peace.
Memory Eternal.
Spring Made Me Do It!
Hello…it’s been two months since I posted here. I’ve missed you. I thought I would just drop by and post an update on the happenings around here. Truth is, I really enjoy writing and sharing on a regular basis. My mom suggested that I just pop by whenever I get a hankering to write, even if it is just a few sentences. Maybe she is on to something. 🙂
- I am loving the warmer weather. This winter has been one for the record books. I have been struggling with a case of postpartum depression, and winter weather seems to make my struggle all the more difficult. So, I say, bring on SUN, and the thunder, and lightning, and the southerly breezes, and the mid seventies! (OK, I can dream…in reality it’s mid eighties.)
- Our a/c is out, in fact it has been out for a week. This is a really big deal around here because on most days our house is a bit on the chilly side, we like to keep it cool. Everyone says we live in an icebox. It’s interesting how living with modern conveniences dulls the natural sensations of the changing seasons. Today, Caroline commented that yesterday the house was cold and today it was really hot. I said, “That’s Texas in the spring.” It has been good to go without…to realize that we can.
- I have been sleep training Sam for the last few nights. I know this is controversial, but this Mama was just plain tired. The first night was difficult, but the second night Sam slept for 12 hours straight! I slept so hard that I woke up with a headache. We saw some friends of ours this evening when we were out and about, and my girlfriend commented that I looked tan… like I had been on a vacation. I laughed so hard, I even gave Slade a high five. I told her that I was so gorgeous thanks to the first six hour stretch of sleep I have had in over a year.
- The girls and I made a spring bucket list yesterday. Some things include:
A Greek picnic in the park.
A trip to the Botanical Gardens.
A Texas Rangers baseball game.
A trip to the local Farmer’s Market.
Star Gazing in the backyard.
Strawberry picking.
Pascha weekend with Amma and Pa Glen.
Easter egg hunt.
Rock painting.
Perfect our vanilla cupcake recipe.
Fly kites.
Have a family picture made.
Have a backyard barbecue with a few friends.
Plant our garden.
What a fun list! What are your plans for the Spring?
- I am slowly coming around as far as my health goes. Pregnancies are so hard on me, for what ever reason, God knows. After this pregnancy I have noticed this place in my heart that feels like a wound, I feel an intense vulnerability. I am not as strong as I used to be…or should I say strong willed? I hope in some small way I am made perfect in my weakness.
- I just finished a book entitled People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil. What a fascinating read for Lent. Every time I put the book down I vowed to just tell the truth about myself. It is fascinating to understand the psychology of confession and self examination. True repentance is the medicine for the sick soul..my sick soul. And true humility has everything to do with telling the truth. And it’s ok to be transparent because God is so loving and compassionate.
- Addy turns 14 tomorrow! Wow, what a wonderful year we have had. She is finishing up her online Classical courses and is training for a summer job teaching a teen Zumba class at the gym where we workout! She is a great dancer, and her instructor is so excited to have her on her team. She is gearing up for the local rabbit shows, and writing a speech for 4-H roundup. She debuted her vocal talents at a local eatery last Saturday night with a mean rendition of Make You Feel My Love by Adele…it was karaoke night! We laughed so hard and had a blast! I love teenagers…who knew they would be so much fun! May God grant her many years.
- We spent an entire day last week at St. Arsenius Hermitage cleaning and organizing. It was so nice to be able to spruce things up for Pascha. Father Gregory placed a new icon in the church courtyard of Jesus with the children. Another family who came to help planted flowers all around it, and it turned out beautiful. Father Gregory said that because so many children come to his monastery he would like to have a special icon for them. My mom and sister-in-law came to help as well, and we cleaned like nuns! 🙂 It was a great day.
- Piano lessons are in full swing! I am so happy for Caroline. She loves to play the piano, and I believe the new teacher is just what she needs. I like hard nosed piano teachers!
- Sam is sitting up, and rolling over, and saying dada, and being as wonderful as ever. He has my heart. He is ALL boy!
- Elinor told me the other day, “Mama, I don’t like to pray.” I said, “You don’t?” She replied, “No, I will just say Saint Helen pray for me in my bed.” With that she exited the laundry room as if she had just signed a treaty. She makes me smile!
- Sophia is spending the week with Amma and Pa Glen. She is away from home without her older sisters for the first time. I know she is having a blast, but she misses us, too. She is at that stage where the older girls are just a bit too old, and Elinor is just a bit too young. It’s hard, this business of growing up.
Well, I could go on and on, but it’s late and I need to take advantage of the sleep Sam is giving me. I hope your Spring is filled with life!
I pray for Good Strength for the rest of our Lenten journey. Below is a quote that I am chewing on…enjoy.
Nothing is more opposed to God than pride, for self-deification is concealed in it, its own nothingness or sin. Thus more than anything humility is acceptable to God, which considers itself nothing, and attributes all goodness, honor, and glory to God alone. Pride does not accept grace, because it is full of itself, while humility easily accepts grace, because it is free from itself, and from all that is created. God creates out of nothing. As long as we think that we can offer something of ourselves, He does not begin His work in us. Humility is the salt of virtue. As salt gives flavor to food, so humility gives perfection to virtue. Without salt, food goes bad easily, and without humility, virtue is easily spoiled by pride, vainglory, impatience – and it perishes. There is a humility which a man gains by his own struggles: knowing his own insufficiency, accusing himself for his failings, not allowing himself to judge others. And there is a humility into which God leads a man through the things that happen to him: allowing him to experience afflictions, humiliations, and deprivations. St. Philaret of Moscow
See you later, alligator!
Well folks, the calendar is filling up and the pantry is almost empty. And this weekend I decided that blogging and busyness don’t mix. I have to take a break for now.
Sam is almost six months old, and he is livelier than ever. I tease and say that he wakes up in a different world everyday. What a handful! And so cute!
We have stock show season coming up, and the girls want to show pigs this year. I think it will be great fun, but a lot of work. We still have rabbits in the barn that need to be worked with and prepared for showing as well.
Great Lent is right around the corner, and all the preparations for Pascha are time consuming.
I have a big garden that needs my attention. Last year I let it go because I was pregnant. But, I am looking forward to getting my gardening groove back.
Slade needs me, too. He is trying to finish the CPA exams by May, and I need to be super diligent with bedtimes, meals, packed lunches, and creating a more study friendly environment in the house during the evening hours.
Something about blogging keeps me a bit off center. I suppose its my melancholy nature. I get too deep into things, maybe not in actually posting, but THINKING about posting…and trying to live in a way that I have something to post about. This may seem ridiculous to some of you, but for me it is a struggle and so unnecessary. Blogging sometimes makes me feel like a fraud. I have not quite found a way to feel right about it, yet. Does that make sense? I know you didn’t need all these reasons…but I guess I did. I write for therapy. Haha!
I love reading your blogs though! And hopefully I can stop by often and comment. I really do enjoy my blogging friends! Thank you for reading and sharing…it has been fun. Maybe I will resume in the summer, after Sam turns one. Until then friends…
See you later, alligator!
A Chime of Hearts 