Category: motherhood

cooking · faith · family · food · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · marriage · motherhood · Orthodoxy

Bright Week

amandasexton4 Comments

We made it!  That’s what I keep thinking as I am cleaning out the fridge..all the leftover fasting dishes going to the scraps.  (We have a septic system which means no garbage disposal.)  I hope the neighborhood dogs like veggies in the scrap pile…hehe!

 I emptied containers of bean salad, coleslaw, a bit of refried beans, orzo pasta with artichokes and capers, and I was doing pretty good until I came upon a container of hummus.  The site of that evoked an emotional response.  I am sick of hummus!  And then a few minutes later I was half tempted to eat the last little bit for lunch.  I guess in a way it’s hard for this to be over.  So much of Lent revolves around the kitchen, and an Orthodox kitchen is truly a spiritual place.  So much of the Christian faith is centered in the home.

And on that thought…

Lisa A shared a series of talks on her blog entitled  The Good Wife: Five Lectures on the Christian Ideal.
The first lecture is free, and the remaining are only $10 for the complete download.  Well worth the donation!

The Christian ideal of womanhood is beautiful.  I have been thinking this week about brightening up my home, and then I saw this over at OCN… 

BRIGHT WEEK- the week after Lent in which we continue to practice the spiritual values we gained over the last 40 days.

I thought, “What spiritual values did I gain over the last forty days?”  What values must I practice to brighten our lives…our home? I can think of several.

Patience
Humility that calms anger
Kindness
Less talking
and most of all…
Consistency

I hope your Bright Week is exceptional.  How are you recouping, feasting, and practicing?  
Our Bright Week has been good so far.
Monday we had steaks from the grill.  Tuesday we went to vespers at the hermitage and shared a meal with the small community that is forming there. (So excited about that.)  Today we went to the park, and I am grilling hamburgers for dinner.  Thursday I hope I can get in my garden and plant a few things.  Friday Addy is going to a homeschool prom party!  Caroline is spending the night with her best friend.  Slade, the littles, and I are having ice cream sundaes.  The weekend is full with piano recital practice and St. Thomas Sunday.  
What are your plans for Bright Week?  Anything special?

faith · family · fun · learning · marriage · motherhood · parenting

The Good Life

amandasexton2 Comments

This weekend my husband and I had a come to Jesus talk.  Here in Texas come to Jesus is synonymous with getting down to the real stuff…confessing and purposing.  It all started with my daughter Elinor.  I was on the computer writing a post for this blog.  Slade was cleaning the kitchen, and in walks Whirlwind (that is what we like to call our little buzz saw).  She asked me to come outside and swing her, all of her sisters had refused.  It was a gorgeous day, plenty of sunshine and just the right temperature.  Well, I told her no.  Slade kept right on cleaning.  And she left dejected, tears in her eyes.

Now, I am not the mother that always says “yes.”  I do not always play with my kids when they ask.  So, it was not the “no” in particular that bothered me.  It is a pile of nos, a big lazy pile of not nows, and in a minutes and not tonights and maybe laters that got the conversation started, the one where my husband and I vowed together to do better, to give it a little more gas.  We both feel the overwhelming demands of five children, and their needs are always before us, always stretching us.

No matter your circumstance, you have a great opportunity for holiness.  That’s what I heard a priest say once.  That little sentence is stuck in my head like a bad song.  I play it over and over.

My circumstance is always about my salvation.  If I saw that I am in need, just as much as those I am called to serve, well maybe I could get this whole upside-down mothering thing.

So this morning instead of feeling like I had to get out of bed super early and pray, I just said my prayers in the dark while Sam nursed.  Instead of scheduling and going about in a tizzy, maybe I can manage today with just doing the next thing, what my husband calls living organically.  (He intervened last night as I attempted a written schedule.  His words, “Honey, it won’t work.  Just get up and hit it, live organically. Don’t waste your time.”) He’s right. I have tried micromanagement a thousand times…it always ends the same.  Isn’t that the definition of insanity…trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results?

And so today I am just reflecting, and just hitting it.

The bulk of my emotional energy as a mother is spent on prioritizing and then making decisions.  It is a hard task to juggle the needs of a family.  And that does not even include outside relationships with extended family and friends.  I can feel my heart as I choose one thing over the other, or say no to something important so I can say yes to something that I deem is more important. Sometimes the decisions I make are extremely difficult, decisions that from the outside may look small or insignificant, like who gets to go to the store with me, or if we go to see grandparents for the weekend or stay home and rest, or if I serve beans or fish for supper.  You see, behind these decisions is a driving force, something that speaks of what I think makes a good life.  It is the good life that I am in pursuit of, that I hope I am living.  And so I push hard to get some things done.

And sometimes my choices cause disappointment, and I have to let those around me adjust.  This is the hard part.  And when I fail at the good life, I have to live with the regret.  I find that a large part of the mother experience is learning to work through regret, and growing through guilt.

Evidently I believe that swinging my Whirlwind in her swing under a big Oak tree on a warm sunny day is the good life.  Otherwise why would I feel regret at missing that moment? This weekend’s conversation was all about the good life, what my husband and I think makes a good life, and examining if are living the good life.

We chose it…this good life.  It was all a choice.  It is still a choice…one determined and purposeful choice at a time.                  

Just for Fun!
I found a few quotes on BrainyQuote that I thought were fun.  Read through them and pick which one you most identify with.  Just for fun I will give my guess at what your choice says about you.

A.  Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued. Socrates.


B.  The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Bertrand Russell

C. Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.Garrison Keillor              

D. I have a very good life, so I have nothing to complain about. Sometimes, I just have existential angst.  Meg Ryan


If you Chose…
A.  You are a very principled person.  You make decisions based primarily on what your principles dictate.  Some may call you a “black and white” person.  This makes you  very dutiful and responsible.  You are very comfortable with leadership, and you are highly respected.  You are a go to kind of person.
B.  You are a very sensitive soul, feeling you way around this earth.  You are kind and introspective.  You enjoy quiet contemplation and making decisions based on what feels right to you.  Some may describe you as an “old soul.”  You make a very good friend, but tend to crave solitude.
C.  You are a burden bearer.  Your decisions are made based on what you think will make those around you happy.  This is not a weakness, just the way you interact with your world.  You are a very hard worker, and people rely on your expertise.  Your perception of yourself never matches the compliments you receive.  People often call you a good person.
D.  You are quirky.  You see the world differently than most of your peers and this causes you to be misunderstood in many cases.  You make decisions based on your own beliefs, and are not easily swayed.  Some may call you an eccentric, and you poses a kind of earthy wisdom. You are free-spirited and love to try new things. 
        

Did I get it right?  If not, it was fun anyway. 

 I like to study people.  Which one do you think I chose?  

Welcome Home Wednesdays
faith · family · homeschooling · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · learning · motherhood · parenting

a friend

amandasexton12 Comments

Friendship is a very meaningful part of my life.  My introverted side loves the intimate friendship of one or two ladies, sharing our hearts, our lives.  The extroverted Mandy loves the group dynamic. I love to laugh, hang out, and enjoy a robust loud conversation.  I am pretty balanced, enjoying both kinds of interaction.  However, here lately, I have found it difficult to connect in either way.  I suppose it is because we are all so busy that we do not have time to spend on friendship, our families and personal lives are hard to handle as it is.

Friendships take nurturing, and nurturing takes time…time most of us do not have.  Or do we?  I think maybe we choose the wrong things, things that do not fulfill us.  Like how we choose to sit in our living rooms watching TV instead of inviting a friend or two for dinner.  Or how I skip the phone call in favor of one more load of laundry.  Some of the things that take my time are necessary, there is nothing I can do about work schedules and church commitments and school obligations.  But, my discretionary time says a lot about who I am.  I say, “I do not have discretionary time.”  Today I am saying, “Hogwash. I don’t believe that.”

Anthony the Great, the Father of Monks said, “Our life and our death is with our neighbor. If we gain our brother, we have gained God, but if we scandalize our brother, we have sinned against Christ.”

What does that mean for a housewife and mother of five?  Well I have always believed that love begins in the home.  I am not a mother who runs about being idle while neglecting my family.  However, sometimes I think a home school mother can become a bit of an isolationist…bordering on an elitist.  We have this atmosphere in our homes that we do not want interrupted or tampered with.  I will be the first one to admit that opening up our home, our life, is a challenge.  It’s difficult to be accessible.  To be open, hospitable, unafraid, warm, and welcoming is a challenge for those who believe that our homes are a refuge from the evil world.

But where does that leave my neighbor?  Is my neighbor evil?

The challenge of dark days is not to despair that ALL people are bad…to not participate in the culture of mistrust and suspicion.  To be wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove.  To keep loving, to keep being a part.  And I am  a part of this world, whether I like it or not.  And this generation, and this country, and this town, and this neighborhood, and this family.  I am not separate.  

My home is not a sterile laboratory, free of contamination.  It is a scary thing if I am the best person I know.  Or my husband the best husband.  Or my kids the best kids.  That is true loneliness.  And a true hindrance to friendship.  I have to be willing to get dirty, to engage the drama, to be patient with failure, to learn that true tolerance is not about excusing sin, but bearing burdens and being willing to walk with someone, to take a long journey. Breaking the fallow ground of my heart, uprooting the weeds of intolerance is a desire I have right now.

Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of who I am chief.      

If I repent to the degree in which I truly believe that, if I authentically live that, I think I would have the relationships I need and desire.  True friendship is always a sharing of equals…I am the same…I am the chief.

It feels very good to the heart to love other people.  I have felt God’s love for other people, and it is bliss.  I wish I would remember that when I am angry, or hurt, or snubbed, or misunderstood, or ignored.  I wish I would remember that when I see someone laying by the side of the road naked and sick, their sin exposed, ugly, and repulsive.  I wish I was more like Mother Teresa,

Every person is Christ for me,
and since there is only one Jesus,
that person is the one person in
the whole world at the moment.

One person in the whole world.  Do others feel that way when I am with them?  A man that hath friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Loving my neighbor can be a sterile act disguised by mannerly exchanges.  There is nothing much worse than being treated kindly, but held at arms length.  I have been done this way.  I have done this myself.  I have been extremely friendly to you with no intention of being your friend.  And my heart breaks at admitting that.  I want my manners and friendliness to be genuine and truthful, no guile.  I want to be trusted and relied on.  I want to be a friend.

Like my Mama used to tell me, “If you want friends, go be a good friend.”

Just something I am pondering, thinking about as I begin a new year…a new opportunity to be a good friend and neighbor.

family · learning · motherhood · seasons

Game On!

amandasextonLeave a comment
Keep your head when you win, and your heart when you lose.

Just for fun let your heart ponder the meaning of these idioms and how they relate to the game of life:
Keep your head in the game.
Leave it all on the field.
Play your heart out.
It’s not all fun and games.
It’s a numbers game.
That’s the ballgame.
What’s the game plan?
At this stage of the game.
I’m game.
Game on.
Two can play at this game.
Don’t give the game away.
Cover all your bases.
That came out of left field.
Home free.
Somebody moved the goalposts.
Just run with it.
Touchdown!

Here’s to your 2014 season.  I pray it is a winning season…even when you lose.

Happy New Year Everyone!  

  

        

faith · family · learning · motherhood · Orthodoxy · parenting · saints

I Forgot

amandasexton8 Comments

Tonight, after the Christmas tree went up and the children went down I slipped into my PJ’s and was looking forward to some quiet and a piece of cherry cheesecake.  I walked down the hall, headed for the kitchen and feeling the relief that comes after a long day when I noticed a silhouette… somebody was out of bed.  I sighed.  It was Caroline, and she gently whispered to me, “Mama, we forgot my name’s day.”  My eyes were not able to make out the details of her face.  I hate looking at disappointment on my children’s faces.  I was glad it was dark.

These days I feel as if I am barely scraping by, doing just enough to keep things from sinking…not much more.  I have not been in the festive mood, and when I admitted this to my husband this evening he agreed and said that he had noticed.  After a long week away from home after Thanksgiving, I feel as if I cannot catch up.  In truth, I have done very little.  I just feel tired.  But, more than that I feel as if I cannot find my way.  I am out of sync with myself.

I used to get up every morning and have a quiet time in prayer and scripture reading.  I have not done that in months.  The reason… I cannot seem to get anything on a schedule.  The time that I used to reserve in the early morning is now taken by a nursing baby.  And this is good, but I cannot help feeling like I am capable of more.  Can’t I nurse and pray?  I know the advice, just pray while you nurse…offer to God what you can…this is a wonderful season.  All of that is true, very true.  However, rhythm is something I crave.  Prayer is rhythm, the Church calendar is rhythm, it is a spiritual cadence, and when I am out of sync with the Church, I feel empty.

I tried to fast, and within the first week of the Nativity fast I saw a real decrease in my milk production.  This stresses me.  Not because I feel like a failure, but because I feel the loss when I cannot/will not fully participate.  After participating in the Church, what the world has to offer during the Christmas season feels empty. I discussed this with the girls not long ago.  When Tradition was abandoned, a very shallow way of feasting replaced the life giving revelation of the Church.  I enjoy the cultural aspects of Christmas, but not in the absence of the Church.

So many things are contributing to this feeling of disconnectedness with the Church.  And I know what will restore me…a gentle return to the sacraments as life, not duty.

More than a self willed return to what I think is normal, I am sensing that in this time of finding my way I need to be gentle.  I sense that I have things to learn about motherhood and what my job really is.

A part of me is glad that we did not celebrate Caroline’s name’s day by going out to eat or treating it like a birthday party in disguise.  Remembering this way has made things very clear.  Forgetfulness creates emptiness.  When busyness and worldliness lead to forgetfulness, or worse, disregard…we grapple for things to fill the spiritual void.  Sentimentalism is something I turn to when I feel spiritually empty.  But, sentimentality has a dark side…behind the exterior of cherished memories and strong attachments, comes a fear of death characterized by anger and depression.  Sentimentality will never replace a heartfelt relationship with Christ.      

 One thing my mom advised me when I opened up to her about feeling disconnected is that the Church offers guidelines, but ultimately the the Church calendar must be followed in the heart.  The feasts and fasts are opportunities, not duties.  She also wisely showed me that I am not a spiritual giant, and that means that I am not going to experience every feast day or Liturgy or fasting season with the warmness of heart that I desire.  Sometimes things pass without me feeling anything, and that is ok.  She encouraged me to pray our family prayers diligently, and she challenged me to read the scriptures faithfully with her this next year.  

I got off the phone and thanked God for a Godly mother.  In her uncanny way my mom always challenges me to live a smaller life, especially spiritually.  She helps me come down out of the clouds and be a dutiful wife and mother. No pretense.  I love her for that.

Caroline celebrates her name day on December 9, she is Hannah… what a beautiful story of grace.  Hannah was one of two wives of Elkanah, and she was barren.  Elkanah’s other wife, Peninnah, had bore him many children.  Peninnah reproached Hannah, for bareness was shameful in those days.  In her sorrow Hannah cried out to the Lord, and He gave her a son, Samuel.  Samuel was the fruit of prayer and sorrow.  Hannah kept praying, even in failure and sorrow, she kept offering her heart.  She did this for many, many years before she was blessed with fruitfulness.
      
Happy late name’s day Caroline, my sweet Hannah.  I am sorry I forgot.  I am sorry we forgot.  Thank you for waking up to remind me.  Thank you for remembering.

Saint Hannah pray for us.  Pray for Caroline.

May we struggle to pray as Hannah did, she prayed as though she was drunk.  In fact she was very sober, sober and attentive.  And God heard her prayer and gave her a son.

And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her. And in due time Hannah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Samuel, for she said, “I have asked for him from the Lord.”    

            

        

family · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · motherhood · parenting

Mama, Mommy, Mom, Mother

amandasexton2 Comments

This video is beautiful.  No frills, just ordinary moms.  I loved it…hope you do too.

//player.vimeo.com/video/76834417
3 Queens from Matt Bieler on Vimeo.

family · motherhood · parenting

Stand Down

amandasextonLeave a comment

Pondering…Sometimes I have to let my kids hurt.  Knowing if, when, and how to help is one of the hardest parts about being a mother.  Harder still are the times when there is nothing I can do to ease the hurt.  I want to rush in, I want to make it better, I want to fix it.  But, sometimes I can’t, and sometimes I feel I shouldn’t.

Hearing…Caroline play Adelle songs on the piano.  Sophia read aloud above the noise.  “I am starting again in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.”  Bless her heart.

Tasting…Pomegranates.

Seeing…The Oaks light up with a blaze of color.  The leaves falling, and watching out the window above my kitchen sink.  Adalay with her headphones on listening to her class online.  She looks serious.

Touching…My nursing baby boy.  Warm sheets from the dryer.

Smelling…Yummy smell of the dishwasher. Caroline’s perfume early in the morning.  She’s dressed and ready for her day.

I am having a hard day, and I thought if I stopped to gather my senses it might help.  
I feel keyed up, ready for battle, ready to snap, ready to react.  
To relax after a state of readiness…stand down, Mandy.   
faith · fall · family · food · homeschooling · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · learning · marriage · motherhood · parenting · projects · seasons

How to Get Your Life Together In a Day

amandasexton2 Comments

Sometimes I make things so complicated, and truly that is unnecessary.  I realize there are circumstances that require extreme measures, but my life is not one of them.  Why do I get so stressed and anxious…wound up like an eight day clock?  I suspect it is because I am tired, just plain tired.  Being tired is not a sign that my life is falling apart.  Maybe it is a sign that my life is good, that I have a full and wonderful life…so much to be thankful for.

However, when things start piling up, pressing in, and coming undone I know it is time to do something different, settle in and refocus…just tweak things a bit.  There is no need for me to take a magic eraser to my whole life or to go through everything with a fine toothed comb.  Just a gentle redirection is all that is needed.  Gentle, but thorough.  You see, the bones are good, the underneath is still in tact, the anchor is what holds this ship in times of crazy schedules and busy days.  In times past I would begin a complete overhaul when I felt this way, but I have learned that extreme makeovers are most often the acting out of obsessions.  You know…that running dialogue in your head that makes you feel thin and shaky, nervous and irritable.  We moms have to learn to be gentle, even with ourselves.  

A very dear friend asked me the other day if I believed that sometimes there are cases where a person who was once whole could now be broken, with no hope of being whole again.  I listened to the question and took my friend seriously. I told this friend that, yes, I think it is possible, and that she did not have to be whole.  As I have thought about our conversation I have come to the conclusion that we are all broken in some way, and that it is most likely that we always will be.  Being whole is not about being completely put together…there is a reason that all the King’s horses and all the King’s men could not put Humpty together again.  Life comes down on us, it presses us, it breaks us, and we fall apart.  Once we have been broken there is no way to be whole again…not the kind of whole that we desire.  Being whole often times means we do not want to suffer this life and its trials, we long for naivety and simplicity.  But, those who get out in the world and bare burdens, get hands dirty, work hard, walk with damaged people, befriend the unfriendly, and try to be a part of the world will always be broken..it is inevitable.  The only way I ever imagine that I can avoid this is by shutting the world and people out.  In the end, I would rather be broken.

And this can apply to practical areas of my life as well.  If I desire to be out in the world living and learning with my kids, if I value relationship over everything else, if I put people on the top of my priority list, well then other things suffer…my house, my laundry, my body, my put togetherness.  I always feel that my life is a little undone, a little unkept.  But, in a way this is intentional.  I have chosen other things, to me they are more important things.  When criticisms come, and they will, I must be prepared to OWN my own life and choices.  I must be rooted and grounded in my heart.  I must also be willing to be honest, truthful with myself most of all.  This is the way that I face my life head on and how I deal with brokenness.

Today, as I was dealing with all of the emotions and stress that obsessions cause I waited for the panic to pass.  I got still and a wonderful thought came to me.  It does not take much to Get Your Life Together, Mandy.  In fact I am confident that it only takes one day of gentle internal work to feel better. This is because I am not expecting too much from myself or anyone around me…we are all broken. It is easy to be gentle when I recognize this.  Here are a few things I am doing today to regain a sense of confidence and beauty…how I am getting it together.

I Am…

  • Recognizing the dialogue in my head.  I am not trying to change it, just being aware of the Editor in Chief, the voice that keeps bossing me around, criticizing me.
  • Writing this post to share my thoughts, getting them out in the open.
  • Talking to my mom on the phone and enjoying our friendship.
  • Putting on a fresh face and a nice outfit.
  • Planning a trip to the pumpkin patch near our house.
  • Lighting candles.
  • Letting my kids be tired as well, we have been very busy.  No drill sergeant barking or correction.  
  • Taking a survey of my pantry and planning the meals I want to cook this week.
  • Doing a few loads of laundry.
  • Taking care of a speeding ticket that I got a few months back.  I made it through my probation period, and a big stress is off. 
  • Opening windows and doors to let the cool fresh breeze in.
  • Drinking Ceylon Tea..a new favorite and a wonderful gift from my husband.
  • Being quiet and just doing the next thing…gently walking through this house…room by room… accepting and being very thankful.
  • Praying the prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner.” Over, and over again.
  • Accepting the financial stresses of a large family lifestyle and owning my spending choices.
  • Letting my kids be who they are…not requiring that they be caught up, on target, or ahead. 
  • Washing dishes in warm soapy water.
  • Listening to sounds…a lawn mower, Mockingbirds, eggs boiling on the stove.  Just listen.
  • Smelling the things cooking, the fresh autumn air, Samuel’s little head, Elinor’s sweaty puppy dog yumminess, out of the dryer laundry.
  • Waiting for my husband to come home so I can give him a hug.

This is what my day is shaping up to be…a wonderful day, a blessed day, another day to be a mom, wife, daughter, friend. 

   

faith · homeschooling · learning · motherhood · parenting · pregnancy · saints

Liturgical Life: August & September

amandasexton1 Comment

August & September

August and September were full months indeed!  Baby Samuel was born on the 13th of August, and afterwards I observed my forty days of rest and healing.  Father Gregory came to the hospital to give a blessing after birth, and it was nice to have him there.  We had a small brunch at our house for Samuel’s eighth day naming, and Father Gregory came to our house for the first time.  We really enjoyed having him here and praying at our altar.  My churching took place at St. Arsenius hermitage.  As the end of the Church year approached I felt somewhat disconnected, until the Feast of the Dormition.  We did not do anything special as far as services.  The Feast of the Dormition of the Theotokos was two days after Samuel was born.  It was a wonderful way to end my pregnancy.  Samuel’s name day was on the 20th of August, and we celebrated with a kiss and a blessing.  I was just not well enough to do anything more.

The beginning of the Church year, September 1, did not feel like a beginning to me.  I was still recovering, and the quiet of this house felt good and healing.  My brother Joshua’s name day falls on the same day.  We called him and said special prayers for him that night.  My husband is his Godfather.  I spent part of the day observing and praying before the Nativity of the Theotokos icon on September 8.  It meant more to me this year than in year’s past.  On September 14 we sang our Elevation of the Holy Cross song and studied the icon.  Sophia’s name day was on the 17th and we took her out to eat Asian food, her favorite.  We talked about St. Sophia, a favorite in our family.

What we are reading:
The story of Saint Sophia.

Special Prayers:
Prayers for the beginning of the Church year and the school year.

Special services:
Blessing after birth.
Eighth day naming.
40 day churching.

Special Projects:
We gave the plant shed a makeover.  We turned it into a little schoolroom for Addy and Caroline.  We bought an air-conditioner and new laptops for the online classes.
Beginning school year – September 9  

faith · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · motherhood

One Thing Needful…

amandasexton2 Comments
 
‘Kitchen scene with Christ in the house of Martha and Mary’,  Velázquez, 1618
Sometimes I wonder why Jesus didn’t just speak and make the dinner appear.  Is that what Martha is thinking in this painting?  
The look on her face is very scary.  
I wonder…what does the look on my face say about what I am feeling, what I am experiencing as I go about my day.  
Why do I resist?  
Look how thick Martha’s fingers look, how muscular she appears.  Her sleeves are rolled up, and her head is covered for work…not like the flowing feminine coverings of the other women.  Mary in the background looks beautiful.  
Martha appears to be built for hard labor…in fact she looks masculine.  
But it is the look on her face that gives me chills.  
It makes me want to look in the mirror.  
Her face personifies bitterness… and every woman who has let the exhaustion of work and the weight of womanhood chisel her muscles and strengthen her back.  
I suspect that Martha wants desperately to listen to the Master, to be with him, not stuck in the kitchen with smelly fish.  
But, does she?  
Maybe she is so far gone, so burdened, so distracted, so inflamed with self pity that she wants neither…she does not want to serve, and she does not want to worship.  
Her face screams, “My life stinks.”  
 What story is she telling herself over and over in her mind?

I am tired…
I don’t deserve this…
I am ugly like these fish…
I deserve to be in this kitchen…
I should have known He prefers pretty girls…
My mom was right, life is just work and then you die…
Mary is not all that He thinks she is, I know her, we’re sisters remember…
I am not smart enough to talk to Him anyway..
I am so selfish for feeling this way…
This kitchen is the problem…
I need a new kitchen…
Please somebody…
Help me…

She finally drives herself mad…she can no longer contain this obsession.
“Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?  
Tell her to help me.”

The story continues,
Don’t you care…
Left me…
By myself…
Help me… 

And His reply, so cutting, so raw, so real, so true, 
so not what she wants, but Everything she needs.
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed,
 indeed only one.”

What is the one thing needful?  Did Martha stop cooking and join her sister?  
I think not…everyone must eat, 
Food needs cooking… 
Clothes need washing, kids need cuddling, husbands need loving, 
Floors need mopping, bills need paying, gardens need weeding, 
Prayers need saying, 
Friends need calling, plans need keeping, books need reading, enemies need forgiving,
Life needs living.  

And I wonder…
One thing needful…
Indeed only one…