Category: family

faith · family · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · learning · Orthodoxy · poetry

God is Love

amandasexton1 Comment

 “God is love.” This is, for me, the greatest theological truth.

May we struggle to forgive those who have hurt us.  May we beg mercy from those we have hurt….

All that this week is, it is nothing without Love.

Enlighten my mind with the light of understanding of Thy Holy Gospel; my soul with the love of Thy Cross; my heart with the purity of Thy word; my body, with Thy passionless Passion. Keep my thought in Thy humility, and raise me up at the proper time for Thy glorification. For most glorified art Thou, together with Thine unoriginate Father, and the Most Holy Spirit, unto the ages.    St. Antiochus

faith · family

Memory Eternal

amandasexton5 Comments

Please pray for my father-in-law who went to his rest last night.  He has struggled with kidney disease for some time.  Also pray for our family.  May God grant us peace.

Memory Eternal.  

family · fun · Orthodoxy · parenting · seasons · Spring

Spring Made Me Do It!

amandasexton2 Comments

Hello…it’s been two months since I posted here.  I’ve missed you.  I thought I would just drop by and post an update on  the happenings around here.  Truth is, I really enjoy writing and sharing on a regular basis.  My mom suggested that I just pop by whenever I get a hankering to write, even if it is just a few sentences. Maybe she is on to something. 🙂

  • I am loving the warmer weather.  This winter has been one for the record books.  I have been struggling with a case of postpartum depression, and winter weather seems to make my struggle all the more difficult.  So, I say, bring on SUN, and the thunder, and lightning, and the southerly breezes, and the mid seventies! (OK, I can dream…in reality it’s mid eighties.)
  • Our a/c is out, in fact it has been out for a week.  This is a really big deal around here because on most days our house is a bit on the chilly side, we like to keep it cool.  Everyone says we live in an icebox.  It’s interesting how living with modern conveniences dulls the natural sensations of the changing seasons.  Today, Caroline commented that yesterday the house was cold and today it was really hot.  I said, “That’s Texas in the spring.”  It has been good to go without…to realize that we can.
  • I have been sleep training Sam for the last few nights.  I know this is controversial, but this Mama was just plain tired.  The first night was difficult, but the second night Sam slept for 12 hours straight!  I slept so hard that I woke up with a headache.  We saw some friends of ours this evening when we were out and about, and my girlfriend commented that I looked tan… like I had been on a vacation.  I laughed so hard, I even gave Slade a high five.  I told her that I was so gorgeous thanks to the first six hour stretch of sleep I have had in over a year.
  • The girls and I made a spring bucket list yesterday.  Some things include:

A Greek picnic in the park.
A trip to the Botanical Gardens.
A Texas Rangers baseball game.
A trip to the local Farmer’s Market.
Star Gazing in the backyard.
Strawberry picking.
Pascha weekend with Amma and Pa Glen.
Easter egg hunt.
Rock painting.
Perfect our vanilla cupcake recipe.
Fly kites.
Have a family picture made.
Have a backyard barbecue with a few friends.
Plant our garden.

What a fun list!  What are your plans for the Spring?

  • I am slowly coming around as far as my health goes.  Pregnancies are so hard on me, for what ever reason, God knows.  After this pregnancy I have noticed this place in my heart that feels like a wound, I feel an intense vulnerability.  I am not as strong as I used to be…or should I say strong willed? I hope in some small way I am made perfect in my weakness.
  • I just finished a book entitled People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil.  What a fascinating read for Lent.  Every time I put the book down I vowed to just tell the truth about myself.  It is fascinating to understand the psychology of confession and self examination.  True repentance is the medicine for the sick soul..my sick soul.  And true humility has everything to do with telling the truth.  And it’s ok to be transparent because God is so loving and compassionate.
  • Addy turns 14 tomorrow!  Wow, what a wonderful year we have had.  She is finishing up her online Classical courses and is training for a summer job teaching a teen Zumba class at the gym where we workout!  She is a great dancer, and her instructor is so excited to have her on her team.  She is gearing up for the local rabbit shows, and writing a speech for 4-H roundup.  She debuted her vocal talents at a local eatery last Saturday night with a mean rendition of Make You Feel My Love by Adele…it was karaoke night!  We laughed so hard and had a blast!  I love teenagers…who knew they would be so much fun! May God grant her many years.
  • We spent an entire day last week at St. Arsenius Hermitage cleaning and organizing. It was so nice to be able to spruce things up for Pascha.  Father Gregory placed a new icon in the church courtyard of Jesus with the children.  Another family who came to help planted flowers all around it, and it turned out beautiful.  Father Gregory said that because so many children come to his monastery he would like to have a special icon for them.  My mom and sister-in-law came to help as well, and we cleaned like nuns!  🙂  It was a great day.
  • Piano lessons are in full swing!  I am so happy for Caroline.  She loves to play the piano, and I believe the new teacher is just what she needs.  I like hard nosed piano teachers!
  • Sam is sitting up, and rolling over, and saying dada, and being as wonderful as ever.  He has my heart.  He is ALL boy!
  • Elinor told me the other day, “Mama, I don’t like to pray.”  I said, “You don’t?”  She replied, “No, I will just say Saint Helen pray for me in my bed.”  With that she exited the laundry room as if she had just signed a treaty.  She makes me smile!
  • Sophia is spending the week with Amma and Pa Glen.  She is away from home without her older sisters for the first time.  I know she is having a blast, but she misses us, too.  She is at that stage where the older girls are just a bit too old, and Elinor is just a bit too young.  It’s hard, this business of growing up.

Well, I could go on and on, but it’s late and I need to take advantage of the sleep Sam is giving me.  I hope your Spring is filled with life!  

I pray for Good Strength for the rest of our Lenten journey. Below is a quote that I am chewing on…enjoy.

Nothing is more opposed to God than pride, for self-deification is concealed in it, its own nothingness or sin. Thus more than anything humility is acceptable to God, which considers itself nothing, and attributes all goodness, honor, and glory to God alone. Pride does not accept grace, because it is full of itself, while humility easily accepts grace, because it is free from itself, and from all that is created. God creates out of nothing. As long as we think that we can offer something of ourselves, He does not begin His work in us. Humility is the salt of virtue. As salt gives flavor to food, so humility gives perfection to virtue. Without salt, food goes bad easily, and without humility, virtue is easily spoiled by pride, vainglory, impatience – and it perishes. There is a humility which a man gains by his own struggles: knowing his own insufficiency, accusing himself for his failings, not allowing himself to judge others. And there is a humility into which God leads a man through the things that happen to him: allowing him to experience afflictions, humiliations, and deprivations.  St. Philaret of Moscow

faith · family · fun · learning · marriage · motherhood · parenting

The Good Life

amandasexton2 Comments

This weekend my husband and I had a come to Jesus talk.  Here in Texas come to Jesus is synonymous with getting down to the real stuff…confessing and purposing.  It all started with my daughter Elinor.  I was on the computer writing a post for this blog.  Slade was cleaning the kitchen, and in walks Whirlwind (that is what we like to call our little buzz saw).  She asked me to come outside and swing her, all of her sisters had refused.  It was a gorgeous day, plenty of sunshine and just the right temperature.  Well, I told her no.  Slade kept right on cleaning.  And she left dejected, tears in her eyes.

Now, I am not the mother that always says “yes.”  I do not always play with my kids when they ask.  So, it was not the “no” in particular that bothered me.  It is a pile of nos, a big lazy pile of not nows, and in a minutes and not tonights and maybe laters that got the conversation started, the one where my husband and I vowed together to do better, to give it a little more gas.  We both feel the overwhelming demands of five children, and their needs are always before us, always stretching us.

No matter your circumstance, you have a great opportunity for holiness.  That’s what I heard a priest say once.  That little sentence is stuck in my head like a bad song.  I play it over and over.

My circumstance is always about my salvation.  If I saw that I am in need, just as much as those I am called to serve, well maybe I could get this whole upside-down mothering thing.

So this morning instead of feeling like I had to get out of bed super early and pray, I just said my prayers in the dark while Sam nursed.  Instead of scheduling and going about in a tizzy, maybe I can manage today with just doing the next thing, what my husband calls living organically.  (He intervened last night as I attempted a written schedule.  His words, “Honey, it won’t work.  Just get up and hit it, live organically. Don’t waste your time.”) He’s right. I have tried micromanagement a thousand times…it always ends the same.  Isn’t that the definition of insanity…trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results?

And so today I am just reflecting, and just hitting it.

The bulk of my emotional energy as a mother is spent on prioritizing and then making decisions.  It is a hard task to juggle the needs of a family.  And that does not even include outside relationships with extended family and friends.  I can feel my heart as I choose one thing over the other, or say no to something important so I can say yes to something that I deem is more important. Sometimes the decisions I make are extremely difficult, decisions that from the outside may look small or insignificant, like who gets to go to the store with me, or if we go to see grandparents for the weekend or stay home and rest, or if I serve beans or fish for supper.  You see, behind these decisions is a driving force, something that speaks of what I think makes a good life.  It is the good life that I am in pursuit of, that I hope I am living.  And so I push hard to get some things done.

And sometimes my choices cause disappointment, and I have to let those around me adjust.  This is the hard part.  And when I fail at the good life, I have to live with the regret.  I find that a large part of the mother experience is learning to work through regret, and growing through guilt.

Evidently I believe that swinging my Whirlwind in her swing under a big Oak tree on a warm sunny day is the good life.  Otherwise why would I feel regret at missing that moment? This weekend’s conversation was all about the good life, what my husband and I think makes a good life, and examining if are living the good life.

We chose it…this good life.  It was all a choice.  It is still a choice…one determined and purposeful choice at a time.                  

Just for Fun!
I found a few quotes on BrainyQuote that I thought were fun.  Read through them and pick which one you most identify with.  Just for fun I will give my guess at what your choice says about you.

A.  Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued. Socrates.


B.  The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Bertrand Russell

C. Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.Garrison Keillor              

D. I have a very good life, so I have nothing to complain about. Sometimes, I just have existential angst.  Meg Ryan


If you Chose…
A.  You are a very principled person.  You make decisions based primarily on what your principles dictate.  Some may call you a “black and white” person.  This makes you  very dutiful and responsible.  You are very comfortable with leadership, and you are highly respected.  You are a go to kind of person.
B.  You are a very sensitive soul, feeling you way around this earth.  You are kind and introspective.  You enjoy quiet contemplation and making decisions based on what feels right to you.  Some may describe you as an “old soul.”  You make a very good friend, but tend to crave solitude.
C.  You are a burden bearer.  Your decisions are made based on what you think will make those around you happy.  This is not a weakness, just the way you interact with your world.  You are a very hard worker, and people rely on your expertise.  Your perception of yourself never matches the compliments you receive.  People often call you a good person.
D.  You are quirky.  You see the world differently than most of your peers and this causes you to be misunderstood in many cases.  You make decisions based on your own beliefs, and are not easily swayed.  Some may call you an eccentric, and you poses a kind of earthy wisdom. You are free-spirited and love to try new things. 
        

Did I get it right?  If not, it was fun anyway. 

 I like to study people.  Which one do you think I chose?  

Welcome Home Wednesdays
faith · family · homeschooling · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · learning · motherhood · parenting

a friend

amandasexton12 Comments

Friendship is a very meaningful part of my life.  My introverted side loves the intimate friendship of one or two ladies, sharing our hearts, our lives.  The extroverted Mandy loves the group dynamic. I love to laugh, hang out, and enjoy a robust loud conversation.  I am pretty balanced, enjoying both kinds of interaction.  However, here lately, I have found it difficult to connect in either way.  I suppose it is because we are all so busy that we do not have time to spend on friendship, our families and personal lives are hard to handle as it is.

Friendships take nurturing, and nurturing takes time…time most of us do not have.  Or do we?  I think maybe we choose the wrong things, things that do not fulfill us.  Like how we choose to sit in our living rooms watching TV instead of inviting a friend or two for dinner.  Or how I skip the phone call in favor of one more load of laundry.  Some of the things that take my time are necessary, there is nothing I can do about work schedules and church commitments and school obligations.  But, my discretionary time says a lot about who I am.  I say, “I do not have discretionary time.”  Today I am saying, “Hogwash. I don’t believe that.”

Anthony the Great, the Father of Monks said, “Our life and our death is with our neighbor. If we gain our brother, we have gained God, but if we scandalize our brother, we have sinned against Christ.”

What does that mean for a housewife and mother of five?  Well I have always believed that love begins in the home.  I am not a mother who runs about being idle while neglecting my family.  However, sometimes I think a home school mother can become a bit of an isolationist…bordering on an elitist.  We have this atmosphere in our homes that we do not want interrupted or tampered with.  I will be the first one to admit that opening up our home, our life, is a challenge.  It’s difficult to be accessible.  To be open, hospitable, unafraid, warm, and welcoming is a challenge for those who believe that our homes are a refuge from the evil world.

But where does that leave my neighbor?  Is my neighbor evil?

The challenge of dark days is not to despair that ALL people are bad…to not participate in the culture of mistrust and suspicion.  To be wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove.  To keep loving, to keep being a part.  And I am  a part of this world, whether I like it or not.  And this generation, and this country, and this town, and this neighborhood, and this family.  I am not separate.  

My home is not a sterile laboratory, free of contamination.  It is a scary thing if I am the best person I know.  Or my husband the best husband.  Or my kids the best kids.  That is true loneliness.  And a true hindrance to friendship.  I have to be willing to get dirty, to engage the drama, to be patient with failure, to learn that true tolerance is not about excusing sin, but bearing burdens and being willing to walk with someone, to take a long journey. Breaking the fallow ground of my heart, uprooting the weeds of intolerance is a desire I have right now.

Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of who I am chief.      

If I repent to the degree in which I truly believe that, if I authentically live that, I think I would have the relationships I need and desire.  True friendship is always a sharing of equals…I am the same…I am the chief.

It feels very good to the heart to love other people.  I have felt God’s love for other people, and it is bliss.  I wish I would remember that when I am angry, or hurt, or snubbed, or misunderstood, or ignored.  I wish I would remember that when I see someone laying by the side of the road naked and sick, their sin exposed, ugly, and repulsive.  I wish I was more like Mother Teresa,

Every person is Christ for me,
and since there is only one Jesus,
that person is the one person in
the whole world at the moment.

One person in the whole world.  Do others feel that way when I am with them?  A man that hath friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Loving my neighbor can be a sterile act disguised by mannerly exchanges.  There is nothing much worse than being treated kindly, but held at arms length.  I have been done this way.  I have done this myself.  I have been extremely friendly to you with no intention of being your friend.  And my heart breaks at admitting that.  I want my manners and friendliness to be genuine and truthful, no guile.  I want to be trusted and relied on.  I want to be a friend.

Like my Mama used to tell me, “If you want friends, go be a good friend.”

Just something I am pondering, thinking about as I begin a new year…a new opportunity to be a good friend and neighbor.

family · learning · motherhood · seasons

Game On!

amandasextonLeave a comment
Keep your head when you win, and your heart when you lose.

Just for fun let your heart ponder the meaning of these idioms and how they relate to the game of life:
Keep your head in the game.
Leave it all on the field.
Play your heart out.
It’s not all fun and games.
It’s a numbers game.
That’s the ballgame.
What’s the game plan?
At this stage of the game.
I’m game.
Game on.
Two can play at this game.
Don’t give the game away.
Cover all your bases.
That came out of left field.
Home free.
Somebody moved the goalposts.
Just run with it.
Touchdown!

Here’s to your 2014 season.  I pray it is a winning season…even when you lose.

Happy New Year Everyone!  

  

        

cooking · faith · family · food · Orthodoxy · parenting · play · seasons

Glorify Him!

amandasexton3 Comments

I am standing in my kitchen cooking up a storm.  The presents are all wrapped.  Kiddos are watching Christmas movies and singing Christmas carols.  The house smells amazing.  We made it!  We made it to Christmas Eve, and every year I am amazed.

After a lack luster first few weeks, I have found my Christmas spirit.  The days of humbug made me appreciate traditions.  When I was less than enthusiastic about the season I still had our family traditions to keep me from missing Christmas. And as we kept the traditions I slowly found my groove.

Mamas have this wonderful gift…we can make Christmas amazing for our families in the little things we do, in the smile we wear, in the tune we hum, in the giggles, and snuggles, and the sugary treats.  A mom has this energy, and it is infectious.  Food and festivities.  I love serving up scrumptious dishes with a side of I love you.

Christmas is a time of hospitality for me.  As I clean, shop, cook, wrap, and prepare I try to invite a spirit of comfort and warmth into our home.  I have found that the warmth comes from my heart and not in orchestrating a perfect Christmas.  I just love my family and friends.  

Christ is coming, along with friends and family.  We are family.  May our homes and hearts make a place for the Savior, and may we welcome everyone with warmth and joy.

Christ is Born…Glorify Him!

I glory in His presence, He has brought tidings of great comfort and joy.  Christ is in our midst  He is and ever shall be.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

On the Menu
Dinner
Honey Glazed Ham
Mashed Potatoes
Almond Green Beans
Salad 
Yeast Rolls
Tea
Desserts
Martha Washington Candies
Pecan Pralines
Almond Toffee
Craisin and White Chocolate Cookies
Ranger Cookies
faith · family · learning · motherhood · Orthodoxy · parenting · saints

I Forgot

amandasexton8 Comments

Tonight, after the Christmas tree went up and the children went down I slipped into my PJ’s and was looking forward to some quiet and a piece of cherry cheesecake.  I walked down the hall, headed for the kitchen and feeling the relief that comes after a long day when I noticed a silhouette… somebody was out of bed.  I sighed.  It was Caroline, and she gently whispered to me, “Mama, we forgot my name’s day.”  My eyes were not able to make out the details of her face.  I hate looking at disappointment on my children’s faces.  I was glad it was dark.

These days I feel as if I am barely scraping by, doing just enough to keep things from sinking…not much more.  I have not been in the festive mood, and when I admitted this to my husband this evening he agreed and said that he had noticed.  After a long week away from home after Thanksgiving, I feel as if I cannot catch up.  In truth, I have done very little.  I just feel tired.  But, more than that I feel as if I cannot find my way.  I am out of sync with myself.

I used to get up every morning and have a quiet time in prayer and scripture reading.  I have not done that in months.  The reason… I cannot seem to get anything on a schedule.  The time that I used to reserve in the early morning is now taken by a nursing baby.  And this is good, but I cannot help feeling like I am capable of more.  Can’t I nurse and pray?  I know the advice, just pray while you nurse…offer to God what you can…this is a wonderful season.  All of that is true, very true.  However, rhythm is something I crave.  Prayer is rhythm, the Church calendar is rhythm, it is a spiritual cadence, and when I am out of sync with the Church, I feel empty.

I tried to fast, and within the first week of the Nativity fast I saw a real decrease in my milk production.  This stresses me.  Not because I feel like a failure, but because I feel the loss when I cannot/will not fully participate.  After participating in the Church, what the world has to offer during the Christmas season feels empty. I discussed this with the girls not long ago.  When Tradition was abandoned, a very shallow way of feasting replaced the life giving revelation of the Church.  I enjoy the cultural aspects of Christmas, but not in the absence of the Church.

So many things are contributing to this feeling of disconnectedness with the Church.  And I know what will restore me…a gentle return to the sacraments as life, not duty.

More than a self willed return to what I think is normal, I am sensing that in this time of finding my way I need to be gentle.  I sense that I have things to learn about motherhood and what my job really is.

A part of me is glad that we did not celebrate Caroline’s name’s day by going out to eat or treating it like a birthday party in disguise.  Remembering this way has made things very clear.  Forgetfulness creates emptiness.  When busyness and worldliness lead to forgetfulness, or worse, disregard…we grapple for things to fill the spiritual void.  Sentimentalism is something I turn to when I feel spiritually empty.  But, sentimentality has a dark side…behind the exterior of cherished memories and strong attachments, comes a fear of death characterized by anger and depression.  Sentimentality will never replace a heartfelt relationship with Christ.      

 One thing my mom advised me when I opened up to her about feeling disconnected is that the Church offers guidelines, but ultimately the the Church calendar must be followed in the heart.  The feasts and fasts are opportunities, not duties.  She also wisely showed me that I am not a spiritual giant, and that means that I am not going to experience every feast day or Liturgy or fasting season with the warmness of heart that I desire.  Sometimes things pass without me feeling anything, and that is ok.  She encouraged me to pray our family prayers diligently, and she challenged me to read the scriptures faithfully with her this next year.  

I got off the phone and thanked God for a Godly mother.  In her uncanny way my mom always challenges me to live a smaller life, especially spiritually.  She helps me come down out of the clouds and be a dutiful wife and mother. No pretense.  I love her for that.

Caroline celebrates her name day on December 9, she is Hannah… what a beautiful story of grace.  Hannah was one of two wives of Elkanah, and she was barren.  Elkanah’s other wife, Peninnah, had bore him many children.  Peninnah reproached Hannah, for bareness was shameful in those days.  In her sorrow Hannah cried out to the Lord, and He gave her a son, Samuel.  Samuel was the fruit of prayer and sorrow.  Hannah kept praying, even in failure and sorrow, she kept offering her heart.  She did this for many, many years before she was blessed with fruitfulness.
      
Happy late name’s day Caroline, my sweet Hannah.  I am sorry I forgot.  I am sorry we forgot.  Thank you for waking up to remind me.  Thank you for remembering.

Saint Hannah pray for us.  Pray for Caroline.

May we struggle to pray as Hannah did, she prayed as though she was drunk.  In fact she was very sober, sober and attentive.  And God heard her prayer and gave her a son.

And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her. And in due time Hannah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Samuel, for she said, “I have asked for him from the Lord.”    

            

        

faith · family · Orthodoxy · parenting

Pray Always

amandasextonLeave a comment

“It is of great significance if there is a person who truly prays in a family. Prayer attracts God’s grace and all the members of the family feel it, even those whose hearts have grown cold. Pray always.” -Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica

faith · family · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · Orthodoxy

Dying Young

amandasexton8 Comments

As we sat around the table drinking our coffee and visiting in our pajamas, my mom got a call from her cousin. Aunt Carol passed away, a heart attack, the day after Thanksgiving, in the early morning. My grandmother who was sitting at the table with us began to cry, to sob. It was a deep cry, the kind that comes when you love someone very much, the kind that speaks what words cannot. Aunt Carol was my grandmother’s best friend, her lifelong companion, they are sisters.

 I do not have a sister, two younger brothers. However, I am raising daughters, and I have witnessed the special bond that sisters have. It has been wonderful to live through my girls, to experience sisterhood. My grandmother commented at the funeral that I had no sister, expressing her belief that I do not fully understand her loss. She is right, I don’t. I am envious of those who have a sister, or sisters, to share their life with, I can see that it is a special thing.

 When those we love begin to die it is hard. I was born into a young family. I was the first grandchild on my mom’s side of the family. My grandparents married young, had their children when they were young. My mom and dad followed suit, and had children when they were young. My mom pointed out that I have not experienced many deaths yet. Yet. I am 35, I am young I think. However, I am getting older, and so are those that are very close.  It’s hard.

Aunt Carol seemed young to me.  She was in her early seventies, as many people pointed out as if this was a sufficient time to be on this earth, yet I felt she was young.  I will miss her.  It’s been hard to let her go.  I am finding that it is difficult to let life go.  The pace at which a life is lived seems fast to me, our lives are fleeting.

This Thanksgiving holiday made me really take a look at  my time, how I spend it, how I waste it, how I want to live it.  I want to live thankful everyday, no matter the circumstance.  Life is very precious.  I want to slow down on the inside, even if my outward life is going too fast.  Is that possible?  To slow down?  To be still inside so that I can be aware, not just passing the moments in ticktock fashion.

To waste time is sad to me, but that too must be accepted.  The mundane is part of the experience. It is hard to accept that when I realize just how short a life really is. When you think about it, everyone dies young.

Thy Kingdom come… Oh Lord, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.