Category: family

faith · family · marriage

My New Kitchen

amandasexton2 Comments

I have a new kitchen!  Yes, my husband decided that we needed to update, partly in preparation of a possible move, but I think he mainly did it for me.  We have been tossing around the idea of buying a new house for some time now, we convince ourselves that we need a bigger space to live in, and that our kids need room to grow.  Somehow we can never really bring ourselves to make the decision.  Maybe after the baby comes the nest will get uncomfortable and we will want to fly the coop.  Or possibly we will nestle in, all snug and cozy, close to each other.  I have two sides to me.  One side would love a large living area and a bigger dining room and another bedroom.  However, when I look around this wonderful house I tell myself that I just have American eyes.  I say, “Remember what you saw in Honduras?  Remember what you promised yourself then?”  That’s the other side of me that wants desperately to be content.  I am content… (I am so glad we do not have cable, those improvement shows would really mess with me.)

So here I sit in my brand new kitchen.  I say brand new, what I mean is that I have a new double oven, a new cook top, and a new microwave installed above the cook top.  It’s wonderful to get new kitchen stuff.  I even went out and bought new things to organize my drawers, I threw out many of my old and broken items, and I broke down and replenished our silverware.  I was holding on to the wedding utensils, its hard to admit that I have been married for seventeen years, that the wedding presents are fading, breaking, and disappearing.  I am sentimental like that.  But, this new kitchen has given me an idea, it has helped me overcome my morning sickness blues, and it has inspired me to hope.  Yes, I have been in a funk lately.  By the time I spend six weeks in my pajamas, fighting with food and drink, going from the bed to the potty to the bed again, I feel very weary and a little depressed.  But, my husband, well he just knows me, he knows how to draw the best out of me (and the worst at times.)

Did I need new stuff to feel better?  Absolutely not.  However, the idea that has come to me is this, all things are new every morning.  Sometimes all I need is a new beginning to help me overcome my struggle.  I am not out of the woods yet, and I definitely am still fighting with nausea, but this new kitchen reminds me that I am new every morning, I change, circumstances change, and not always for the worse.  Even amidst suffering, hope is available, not in the fixing of things, not in the cure, but in the newness of every morning.  If I awake, I am blessed, and that is hope.  If I do not awake, I am with my creator, and that is hope.  Somehow hope is the cure to all suffering, even if I never feel better.  

My husband is a look forward kind of guy, and he refuses to accept despair.  He always is looking for a way to move on, get to the other side, and make something work.  When I look at all the time that went into this kitchen, I know and feel his energy in this space.  He is a visionary, and he knows the benefit of not looking back.  I love that about him.  He would work away in this kitchen every evening, his power tools buzzing, and the buzz was infectious.  It drew me out of my dark room, my dark space.  He is so proud of his work, and he stands strong in his conviction that a woman’s kitchen is very important.  He is correct, and I love him for knowing that, for giving me that kind of respect.  

I only hope that he feels this kind of respect from me.  What is important to him?  I know the things that make him feel loved, secure, and happy.  Funny enough, what I fix for dinner has a lot to do with my husband’s happiness.  These days we have been eating like we were on skid row. I have not been in this kitchen for some time, and I miss it. So, last night I decided to cook even though I felt horrible.  I made a roasted chicken, roasted potatoes, and steamed asparagus and broccoli.  I picked up a little and did a load of his work shirts.  It was a labor of love, but I wanted to surprise my husband and show him how much I love my new appliances, how much I appreciate him.  It was yummy, and everyone devoured the home cooked meal.  Later that evening as I was brushing my teeth, my husband popped his head around the corner and said, “The house feels nice.”  He has missed me running things, when I am out of commission the whole house suffers.  He enjoyed the evening because his woman was working her magic, her nurturing magic.   My mouth was full of toothpaste, so i couldn’t respond.  But, I know he knows.  I hope he knows that I love him for loving me and the job I do.  There is an unspoken bond between us, the bond of traveling together for half my life now, and almost half of his.  Words are not always necessary anymore. 

Marriage is a double edged sword.  It slices and dices, and then it puts things all together again.  All the pieces come together as I sit in this kitchen and I feel the real gift that my husband gave me, the gift he is.  He gives me hope, he makes me smile, he makes me feel safe, and I love him for that.

family · parenting · pregnancy

Morning Sick…Oh My!!

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As of today I am 8 weeks pregnant with our fifth child.  At first, I believed that I was not going to be sick….and I wasn’t.  However, a little over a week ago I began feeling that old familiar feeling…that swampy, greenish, and stagnant gurgle in my tummy.  Beloved morning sickness I have not missed you one bit, but if you are the price I must pay for another beautiful baby, then I will gladly suffer you one more time.  I must say that I hate the term morning sickness.  This kind of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy can happen at any time; morning, noon, or night.  And often times it happens all day and night for sufferers of severe NVP (Nausea & Vomiting in Pregnancy).    

I tried really hard to avoid another yucky first trimester (although with my last pregnancy the monster sickness stuck around until my sixth month).  I have tried magnesium, milk thistle, dandelion, protein every hour to two hours, naps, B6, stomach enzymes, no sugar, no fried, no simple carbs, swimming, and mind exercises.   Although I would like to try acupuncture, I am also a little reluctant.  Maybe I should.  I think after six pregnancies, (our fourth pregnancy ended in miscarriage) I have finally made peace with the fact that  I just get extremely sick when I am pregnant.  It could be worse though.  I read a horrific story about a woman who terminated her pregnancy at nine weeks because she could not take it.  Her condition…. hyperemesis gravidarum.  This type of NVP is debilitating, and I have been there.  I sympathize with this woman’s pain, and I do understand her torment.  I can only imagine her desperation, and it brings tears to my eyes.

Walking, moving, light, touch, smells, noise, pictures of food, thinking about what I could eat, all have made me vomit in the past.  My fifth pregnancy was spent on the bathroom floor and in a dark room my husband called, “the cave.”  This pregnancy is turning out not to be so bad.  I am feeling horrible, but no compulsive vomiting or dehydration.  So far, I have been able to eat a few things and drink in small sips, and this is a huge improvement.  I will take it.  Medication has been my saving grace.  Zofran and Unisom do help me function.  They are not a cure, but they do offer some relief.

One thing that I struggle with during this time is managing my home.  Most days I am able to get dressed and at least keep the kitchen and laundry going at a snail’s pace.  Some days I am unable to do the smallest of tasks.  I find that if I rest and remain calm, my sickness is manageable   But, I do not get many things accomplished.   I cry sometimes because I am so sick and unavailable.  Guilt can really get a foothold on me. My husband and children take good care of me.  I know this is hard on my family, and their gentleness humbles me.  Ours is a story of evolution.  With the first pregnancy, I do not think my husband was prepared for the level of stress that my NVP caused.  I can gratefully say, that with this pregnancy he is not trying to fix me, and he is not upset, he is just trying to be there for me.  And that is all a person can do who suffers alongside someone with severe pregnancy sickness.  Extreme kindness and patience is what the mommy suffering needs most of all.     

Isolation, guilt, anger, and depression only intensify my sickness.  Some days I wonder how I will make it to the end of the day, and the dread of another morning makes falling asleep bitter sweet.  I try to stay in the moment and not project what tomorrow will bring, but sometimes it is difficult.  I know that me getting pregnant again is hard to understand for those who watch me suffer.  I just love babies and children, and I love them so much that I imagine that this is all worth it.  Is it?  Ask me when it is all over.  I have four beautiful, amazing, and delightful daughters.  When I watch my three year old bounce around this house, her own little great person, a whiff of happiness overcomes me.  My heart is full because of my family, and I guess I have just always thought that this suffering does not compare to the joy my children bring.  Each one is full of life, and the world is a beautiful place because they are here.  Life is a wonderful thing.

Today, I remind myself that this too will pass, and in the end I will hold a beautiful new life in my arms, and all the suffering will fade in the light that this new human being will bring to our family.

Some Ideas for surviving severe NVP:

Do your research.
     If you can manage it, find out all you can about your condition.  NVP and hyperemesis        gravidarum are not in your head.  They are real and they deserve a serious approach.  I have found that information decreases anxiety and it helps to know that I am not alone.  Try these great resources.

http://www.motherisk.org/women/morningSickness.jsp 

http://knockedupknockedover.com/

Make sure you find a cooperative doctor.
     I cannot stress this enough!!  If your current doctor or midwife is not understanding, find a new one.  This is crucial.

Ask for help
    It is essential to stay calm and relaxed during this time.  If a dirty house and unhappy children stress you, then ask those closest to you for help.  A dear friend came to my house and cooked up a bunch of freezer meals.  My neighbor lets my kiddos come over and play to have some fun.  I find that if my kids are out being kids and not stuck in the house with a sick mommy I feel better.  Husbands have to help, there is no getting around it.  Its hard to let my husband do the job that I love to do, but I cannot do anything about it.  Grocery shopping, cleaning toilets, putting kiddos to bed, laundry, it all falls to him at this time.  Do not be ashamed that you cannot do the smallest of tasks.  It is hard, but you must let it all go and just rest.  If you really want some ice chips, but walking to the kitchen seems impossible, ask someone to bring you some.

Lay quietly in a dark cool room.
Light and sound can trigger nausea.  This may seem impossible if you have little ones running around as I do.  Call a friend and ask them to take the kids for the day.  Let an older sibling occupy the littles while you hibernate.  Let hubby take them out for a couple of hours.  Complete quiet really does help me settle down and rest, even if its just for an hour or two.

Breathe deeply several times a day.
Deep relaxing breaths while meditating on something that makes me happy, or praying helps calm my nerves and my stomach.

Use mouthwash instead of toothpaste.
Keeping my mouth clean and free of that metal taste really helps.

Do not stress about prenatal vitamins.
Clear this with your doctor or midwife first.  

Take folic acid by itself and a prenatal vitamin without iron.
If you are really concerned about your baby’s health taking the folic acid will at least ensure that you are doing something.  When I am this sick I can hardly imagine that my baby is getting what it needs.  My doctor reassures me that everything will be ok, but I worry.  Taking the folic acid is good for baby and for my peace of mind.  However, there have been times, like right now, where I do not take any supplements at all.

Drink with a straw.
This helps bypass the taste buds and cuts down on swallowing air.  I find that I can sip this way pretty much all the time, tiny sips are better than no liquid at all. 

Try a cold protein shake.
It is a horrible thing to be starving and repulsed by food at the same time.  Again using a straw, I drink a protein shake twice a day.  Sometimes I throw it up, but sometimes it stays down, and it makes all the difference.

If something sounds good to eat or drink, partake.  Eat as much or drink as much of that thing as you like.
No matter what it is!!!  Even junk food.  Don’t let anyone (not even you) make you feel bad about eating what you can, and I stress can.  If you can eat or drink it, do it. 

When liquids are not an option try ice or popsicles.
I put ice under my tongue, one tiny piece at a time.  This can be exhausting, but worth it.  Popsicles are not so bad coming back up, so I have always thought they were worth the risk.  Sometimes I eat two or three.  

Avoid hot baths and showers.
This is something that I hate.  I love a hot shower, especially when I feel nasty from all the throwing up.  However, extreme heat can throw me into a tailspin as quick as anything.  Try tepid baths and showers. 

Ask for medication from your doctor or midwife.
Do not be afraid of anti-emetic drugs.  I hated taking them at first, and sometimes I feel guilt about all the meds.  However, my sanity is important also, and if my doctor assures me a medication is safe, I have decided to trust.  Taking care of myself is important, but it is hard to think of that when all I want to do is take care of the baby.  

Some may work, maybe not.  Just some things to help, but not cure.
Do not be angry if none of these suggestions bring relief.  It is quite possible that they will not.  And expect that what works today may fail you tomorrow.  Coping with severe NVP is a frustrating task.  People who give you advice are just trying to ease your suffering, possibly not understanding the full scope and magnitude of this condition.  I have learned to keep to myself during this time and not solicit advice from those who have little knowledge of my circumstances.  This is not normal morning sickness, and crackers don’t help (but if they do keep eating them).  But, I do love and appreciate my friends and family for there concern, and I feel terrible that they too feel helpless. 

Cry with someone, talk with someone you trust, and know that you are not alone. 

   
       
       

cleaning · family · organizing · parenting

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Stars

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Last night after we watched the American men win silver in the 4/100 relay, the last track and field event of the London Olympics, we headed outside to watch a meteor shower.  Slade, Addy, and I pulled the trampoline into a open spot with a clear view of the sky (over sixty fully mature trees makes this task a challenge).  We all laid on our backs, gazing and waiting, and after a few minutes we saw our first meteor blaze across the sky.  It had a beautiful arched tail, and as it traveled it lit up the dark with a flash of white.  Everyone oohed and when it was over the horse in our neighbor’s pasture neighed so loud that it made us all laugh.  When the horse neighed at every meteor from then on we decided that he was enjoying the night sky as well.  It was hilarious, and even Elinor listened for the horse.  She would say, “The horse neighs, horses neigh, daddy.”  When the horse stopped neighing, we decided he was tired, and it was time for us to head to the house as well and go to bed after a long day’s work.
 
The day was very productive.  The girls and I cleaned out the closets, organized the clothes bins in the shop, while Slade cleaned out the barn, and cleaned and organized the shop.  The closets were full of unused clothing, clothing that was out of season and not the right sizes.  We sorted piles of keep, throw away, and give away.  The same went for my bins in the shop.  We sorted by sizes and seasons.  I culled deeply, and it felt wonderful.  Although, it was sort of emotional.  Going through baby clothes is bitter sweet.  I was having so many memories surface of the girl’s, each outfit revealing another time and another place.  It is hard to accept how fast kids grow up.  Maybe that’s why I have avoided dealing with the mountain of clothes chaos that was in the shop.  Maybe that’s why my scrapbooks are unfinished.  However, today as I write this I feel such a sense of peace and harmony.  Being stuck in a rut, or in the past is not a healthy feeling.  Things change, and nothing stays the same…might as well jump in the river and keep moving, enjoying the now.  Now that my closets are clean and my seasonal clothes are organized I feel stronger and better equipped to deal with the clothes issues that a family of 5 girls faces…oh my, the laundry, the accessories, the outfits, the drama…it’s great!
 
Slade did man stuff… hauled off trash, cleaned tools and lawn equipment, organized the work spaces, and made room in the barn for more bunny cages.  He has been like a bird out of a cage sense he finished graduate school.  The three years of school took a toll on the outside maintenance regimen, however since May Slade has been steadily catching up.  Things are looking great around here again.  I love to see the progress of family, husband, wife, and children, working together to make a home beautiful.  My attention to details, Slade’s big picture vision, and the girl’s willingness to work alongside us both makes work meaningful and surprisingly fun.    There is nothing like shared vision.  When we as a family think of  our family we have a certain vision in mind, the way we want things to be, the feelings we want to have, the atmosphere we want to create.  As we work together to bring that shared vision into existence and with each accomplished goal, the family grows up, grows stronger, and creates the family experience; together.

When the day was done and as we all laid on our sore backs on the trampoline everyone enjoyed the stars a little bit more.  We enjoyed the ice cream after supper a little bit more.  Hard work has a way of making play meaningful.  Everyone chimed in as I sang to Elinor, her all snuggled up next to me with her blanket and sucking her thumb.  I sang, “Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are.  Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky.”  It was fun, and we all giggled and wondered how far away the stars really are, and how scary space is, and how mosquitoes bite, and what the difference is between meteors and comets, and what Haley’s comet is, and how dark the sky is in West Texas, and how we had a great day, and how we were going to sleep hard tonight, and how it was amazing to think of all the people who were watching these same meteors, and how much we enjoy being together.  

 Work Together, Play Together 

         

cleaning · family · summer

When an old aunt from Virginia comes to visit…

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I asked her, “Have you ever considered moving back to Texas, Aunt Chris?”  We were all seated around the dinner table enjoying Guatemalan soup, crusty bread, and iced tea.  She looked calmly at me and said, “No, honey, Virginia is my home…Ralph was raised in Woodstock, and the cemetery is close by, I could never leave him.”  Immediately, I understood, and I was sad I even asked the question.  A person’s home is not where they were, it is where they are…a lesson I could learn.

Ralph and Aunt Chris were married for over fifty years, and although she was born and raised on a farm in Texas, Aunt Chris considers her husband’s home her own.  When he died twenty years ago, she stayed in Virginia with her son and grandchildren.  She visits Texas every year to attend the Loveless Family Reunion. Afterwards, she usually stays on a while, stopping in Quanah, Texas, her birth place and where her late brother’s (my grandfather) children farm the family land.  She usually ends her trip in Oklahoma where she visits another brother who settled there.  Her one night stop at my home was in route to the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport, where she would catch a plane after a hot stop here in the friendly state, and go home to Virginia.      

Did I mention that she is 88 years old?  She is not your typical octogenarian.  She flies in airplanes, she works in her gardens, she wears very fashionable clothes, her make-up is always perfect, and she is rarely tired.  She lives in a Greek Revival plantation house on a farm outside of Strasburg, just a few miles from the famous Civil War battlefield, Fishers Hill.  She speaks with a seasoned southern accent, which is very different than my Texas twang.  She is methodical and patterned, and her manners are polished.  She does not put her nose in other peoples business, but she gives her opinion freely.

When my mother first asked me if she could bring Aunt Chris here for the night before she took her on to the airport, I was very excited.  She had never seen my house before, and I wanted her to be comfortable in our humble abode.  I immediately scheduled an appointment for my carpets to be cleaned.  After that the girls and I just dove right in, and it was fun transforming the blah of summer that had accumulated and piled up in the house into a freshly vibrant home again.  It was just what we needed to uplift our spirits and kick start the back to school campaign.  I am thankful I had this motivation to get up and get some projects put behind me, and thanks to my mother who came a few days early, my home looks amazing.  The team effort made all the difference.

Aunt Chris’ stay here was too short, but I enjoyed my time with her.  We laughed and drank cocktails and she told us about her friends that she goes to lunch with every week.  The girls are very blessed to know their great great aunt from Virginia, a true southern bell, and a dying breed.  We are planning to visit her in the fall 2013.  I cannot wait to experience the mystique of her restored plantation, and her unique hospitality.  I hope our family’s hospitality was pleasant enough for Aunt Chris, I know it was.  We loved making our home comfortable, and we worked hard to give the best we had.  That’s what hospitality really is anyway, isn’t it?  Just giving the very best, whatever it is, and doing it with warmth and joy.

I hope my girls see that cleaning, decorating, and entertaining is not about the show, and therefore it need not be stressful or a drudgery.  It is about making a home, big or small, a place that facilitates all that a family desires to be, and all that a family is designed to be.  Hospitality, if done properly, allows people to move effortlessly through our home, in our space without feeling uncomfortable or unwelcome.  This is the joy of homemaking, and what makes it so rewarding.  It is an art really, and it is so inspiring to create in this way.  As the girls work alongside me in this home, I feel this is the best education they could ever receive.  This is true Home-schooling.

How to be ready for company: Just a few highlights…
Deep clean the house, you will not regret it.  Schedule it out and have everything beautiful for your guests.  Remember that hospitality is fun!  Homemaking is an art!  And your home is your canvas!

  • Clean carpets
  • Do all the laundry and put it away
  • Wash all the sheets, and fluff the pillows
  • Clean out the fridge
  • Plan a tasty meal, shop and cook as much as possible before hand
  • Sweep and declutter porches
  • Buy a new candle and let it burn a few hours before they arrive
  • Dust the entire house
  • Declutter desks and bookshelves
  • Make a pie and buy Blue Bell ice cream to go with it
  • Make sure that the bathrooms are clean and well stocked.  Each bathroom should have a trash can
  • Schedule time to get pretty yourself before the guests arrive, no need looking like a martyr
  • Put a bouquet of fresh seasonal flowers on a counter, mantle, or table 
  • Practice smiling in front of a mirror, you would be surprised how just a smile warms a home 
  • Have fun!!!!